I Don't Really Feel So Great...
I don't like how things have been going at all...
I need to get out of this house for multiple and obvious reasons. I need to be able to stand on my own feet again and I need to get all this pressure to go away.. the pressure of the knowledge that I need to leave and the pressure being put on my by my mother to leave this house...
I need to find a job and fuck at this time of the year it's hard.. I regret losing my job at UPS a LOT. I really loved that job and I got great hours and pay that was ABOVE minimum wage... I just couldn't believe the things that Jim had said to me and I'm sick of all the shit there and accusations and bullshit...
But looking for another job is so fucking ridiculous-- and I haven't even been giving it my all. I've been lounging about, playing around, relaxing, sleeping, and absolutely barely trying to do ANYTHING. =(
I tried to find a job harder when I HAD a job and wanted to change jobs than now when I NEED one. I'm in debt, my mother might make me start paying for my insurance BEFORE I leave, and I need to get a fucking apartment >.< And get caught up in my bills and just.. fuck !!
All this is so fucking stressful and I don't know what the hell to do about anything because I need a fucking JOB to do anythinggggg
And I understand my sister's a bitch, but, I can't take her anymore... I love my sister because we get along often.. we often play games together.. I think she's fucking retarded a lot of the time, makes stupid decisions in friends and bitches rather than ditches, and she's really thick and gets bitchy about stupid things sometimes... we get in HORRIBLE fights because that's what siblings do-- they FIGHT. Whatever... after fighting with her I don't care, because it's what we've done for 19 years, we're just siblings....
But, apparently, I've fucking done something wrong >.<
Ever since she came back from school, she's had some fucking problem with me... If I mention that I'm going to see Jer or say that I need to the phone to call Jer or ANYTHING involving him, she gets a bitchy attitude, pissed off, turns, walks away, and ignores me.... and now for the past 4 weeks, maybe 5, we're to the point where when I wake up in the morning and I walk past her room and say Good Morning all happy and shit she just groans or ignores me and she doesn't even fucking look at me...
I'm sick of being lonely.. and I'm sick of having friends that are ridiculous amounts of fucking busy whether is true busy or bullshit. God knows I love him and want to spend shitloads of time with him, but DAMMIT I need somebody to hang out with OTHER than Jeremy >.<
I need a fucking friend or fucking... just.. ANYTHING to DO... /sigh
I'm just fucking sick of feeling this way........
I need to get out of this house for multiple and obvious reasons. I need to be able to stand on my own feet again and I need to get all this pressure to go away.. the pressure of the knowledge that I need to leave and the pressure being put on my by my mother to leave this house...
I need to find a job and fuck at this time of the year it's hard.. I regret losing my job at UPS a LOT. I really loved that job and I got great hours and pay that was ABOVE minimum wage... I just couldn't believe the things that Jim had said to me and I'm sick of all the shit there and accusations and bullshit...
But looking for another job is so fucking ridiculous-- and I haven't even been giving it my all. I've been lounging about, playing around, relaxing, sleeping, and absolutely barely trying to do ANYTHING. =(
I tried to find a job harder when I HAD a job and wanted to change jobs than now when I NEED one. I'm in debt, my mother might make me start paying for my insurance BEFORE I leave, and I need to get a fucking apartment >.< And get caught up in my bills and just.. fuck !!
All this is so fucking stressful and I don't know what the hell to do about anything because I need a fucking JOB to do anythinggggg
And I understand my sister's a bitch, but, I can't take her anymore... I love my sister because we get along often.. we often play games together.. I think she's fucking retarded a lot of the time, makes stupid decisions in friends and bitches rather than ditches, and she's really thick and gets bitchy about stupid things sometimes... we get in HORRIBLE fights because that's what siblings do-- they FIGHT. Whatever... after fighting with her I don't care, because it's what we've done for 19 years, we're just siblings....
But, apparently, I've fucking done something wrong >.<
Ever since she came back from school, she's had some fucking problem with me... If I mention that I'm going to see Jer or say that I need to the phone to call Jer or ANYTHING involving him, she gets a bitchy attitude, pissed off, turns, walks away, and ignores me.... and now for the past 4 weeks, maybe 5, we're to the point where when I wake up in the morning and I walk past her room and say Good Morning all happy and shit she just groans or ignores me and she doesn't even fucking look at me...
I'm sick of being lonely.. and I'm sick of having friends that are ridiculous amounts of fucking busy whether is true busy or bullshit. God knows I love him and want to spend shitloads of time with him, but DAMMIT I need somebody to hang out with OTHER than Jeremy >.<
I need a fucking friend or fucking... just.. ANYTHING to DO... /sigh
I'm just fucking sick of feeling this way........