wow. its been a while.

[confusedswimkid]

Well golly gee. I don't even remember everything that has happened since forever. all i know is right now im thinking about how much hayden makes sense. and how stupid i am for taking things for granted, and how i shouldnt be afraid to be in love and think about what could of happened. ok. let me explain. chris and i hung out a lot on sunday. we talked a lot, we had a lot of fun, and i just wonder what would of happened. what if i was with chris? like i try to picture it sometimes. i dont like him, but he is the one regret i have in my life. not giving him the chance he deserved. but here i am madly falling for evan and im afraid. afraid to think that we wont be with eachother forever and what if chris and i are getting too close? i always do this. u can ask marisa and liz and hayden. i always question my feelings for chris, but never doubt my feelings for evan. i guess i can't dwell on the past. the way i feel in evan's arms cannot be compared to what i could have with ANY guy. i love him. hayden knocked some sense into me that i am lucky and i need to stop complaining. i dont know who will read this, considering i have no friends who comment, but if u do read this comment. well anyways, this weekend was the swim team training trip in the outer banks which was tons of fun. evan and i definitely bonded. we had the most emotional conversation ever. its hard to explain but some might understand. it felt so good just to be comfortable with him discussing anything and everything. this weekend i guess you could say i got real close with evan adn chris. they are my boys though. one being my boyfriend and best guy friend. i also talked to liz who i havent talked ot in a long time. i love her and miss her so much. luckily she is not worrying about our friendship, which calmed me down. we will always be best friends. we are just so busy you can't dwell on the fact that we don't see eachother much anymore. our bond makes up for it all. wow, i am lucky hayden. thanks i love you. i love everyone. i love marisa. i love britt. thanks a lot guys. tahnks for putting up with my crap. haha. I also am going to peabody's tomorrow so i'm really excited!

love, mel