(no subject)
This is so hard
it may sound to all my friends like im weinging for some attention but im not
i seriously cant take it
it hurts so badly
i can't stop crying and i can't stop thinking about it
i dont understand why i would let it get this way
its all my fault, i should have fucking put that god damn barrier down, shown how i felt
shown my affection whenever i was with him, thn he wouldnt feel like he does now
then he wouldnt have felt ignored or like i was closed up
its all my fault
im so dumb and i hate it, im so freakin ignorant to reality
why is it i can feel so much, more than i have ever ever felt, more than ive ever felt for any of my past relationships, yet i still cant take down that barir that makes me aware
why cant i just show how i feel for u at all times, not just when ive been drinking and am more venerable
i like you so much yet i can't have you
im terrified of what youll think of me if i try to fight for you
some desperate freak or something
i hate thats its starting to affect my everyday life
at work i cant work, im not a good employer cause im just sad all the time and all it hink about is him, im not working to my usual standard
and im afraid of going back to school
at first i figured it would be good, id indulge myself into school work and not have to think about life and him
but im scared that that wont happen and that instead im gonna be distracted, i wont be able to pay attention to school and be able to motivate myself cause at he moment i feel lifeless, i dont feel liek i have an inch of motivation in my body
and motivation is what i purely rely on for my marks, im not smart so i need that initiative, if i dont have it i dont want to know how itll go
its so hard cause no one can help me
the only person whos been able to help me through this is svetlio
im glad for my therapeutic friend <3
and i lvoe all my other friends to death but they dont seem to really...care? not exactly that, just their to happy with their lives and dont want to hear about mine
which in actual fact is completely fine, id be the same in that scenario
and who the hell wants to hear my bull shit, haha speaking of which btw if anyone is reading this im writing for the sake of venting my sadness, no one needs to read this cause i write about crap
i love everyone for helping me
i just want this to be over
i want to forget about you
please, please get out of my mind and heart, youve already killed both
it may sound to all my friends like im weinging for some attention but im not
i seriously cant take it
it hurts so badly
i can't stop crying and i can't stop thinking about it
i dont understand why i would let it get this way
its all my fault, i should have fucking put that god damn barrier down, shown how i felt
shown my affection whenever i was with him, thn he wouldnt feel like he does now
then he wouldnt have felt ignored or like i was closed up
its all my fault
im so dumb and i hate it, im so freakin ignorant to reality
why is it i can feel so much, more than i have ever ever felt, more than ive ever felt for any of my past relationships, yet i still cant take down that barir that makes me aware
why cant i just show how i feel for u at all times, not just when ive been drinking and am more venerable
i like you so much yet i can't have you
im terrified of what youll think of me if i try to fight for you
some desperate freak or something
i hate thats its starting to affect my everyday life
at work i cant work, im not a good employer cause im just sad all the time and all it hink about is him, im not working to my usual standard
and im afraid of going back to school
at first i figured it would be good, id indulge myself into school work and not have to think about life and him
but im scared that that wont happen and that instead im gonna be distracted, i wont be able to pay attention to school and be able to motivate myself cause at he moment i feel lifeless, i dont feel liek i have an inch of motivation in my body
and motivation is what i purely rely on for my marks, im not smart so i need that initiative, if i dont have it i dont want to know how itll go
its so hard cause no one can help me
the only person whos been able to help me through this is svetlio
im glad for my therapeutic friend <3
and i lvoe all my other friends to death but they dont seem to really...care? not exactly that, just their to happy with their lives and dont want to hear about mine
which in actual fact is completely fine, id be the same in that scenario
and who the hell wants to hear my bull shit, haha speaking of which btw if anyone is reading this im writing for the sake of venting my sadness, no one needs to read this cause i write about crap
i love everyone for helping me
i just want this to be over
i want to forget about you
please, please get out of my mind and heart, youve already killed both