Design by Unintelligent Hand - proof
This was posted by mcsnee August 4th, 2005
(backing it up, in case it ever goes down)
A New Theory
Yesterday, President Bush endorsed the idea of teaching intelligent design 'theory' alongside evolution and natural selection in schools.
I'd like to propose a third alternative theory. I call it the theory of "Design by Unintelligent Hand," or "DUH" for short. The basic concept? The Creator is an utter dumbass.
Consider the evidence:
1 The dark. One of the big ideas behind Intelligent Design is that there's no way an eye could evolve. My contention? There's no way a Creator who wasn't a goddamn imbecile would create eyes that don't work half the time.
2 Toes. They're just dangling there, off the end of your feet, with a bunch of fragile little bones. Combine these with #1 above, and you've got a recipe for disaster. You think Jonathan Ive would have created something as stupid as toes?
3 Nonspecific urethritis. I can understand a Creator trying to enforce draconian anti-sex measures by punishing people who break them with oozing pustules and fiery pain when they urinate, because, hey, that's what Creators do. But random urinary tract infections? Just, y'know, out of the blue, not being able to take a piss without screaming? That's just stupid.
4 Gravity's acceleration. Stuff breaks when it falls at 32 ft/sec^2. A little gravity's good--you don't want your coffee to go flying off the desk, after all--but why's it got to be so heavy? And don't get me started on what happens when you drop a bowling ball on #2 up there. You think the Creator hasn't done that a time or two and thought to himself, "Good gravy, I'm a fool"?
5 Tiger cubs. They are almost unbearably cute--so cute that if you saw one, you'd want to take it home. But then it grows up and EATS YOU. Good thinkin', there, C!
6 Genetics and natural selection. Anybody who's ever smushed a generation of drosophila melanogaster except the ones born with red eyes and has then seen the next generation born with red eyes understands the principles behind heritable traits and the idea that selecting for those traits makes it more likely the next generation will have them. So we have a Creator who goes to the trouble of making this simple, effective system, and then ignores it completely to create a billion or so species out of thin air. The sharpest tool in the shed? I THINK NOT.
(backing it up, in case it ever goes down)
A New Theory
Yesterday, President Bush endorsed the idea of teaching intelligent design 'theory' alongside evolution and natural selection in schools.
I'd like to propose a third alternative theory. I call it the theory of "Design by Unintelligent Hand," or "DUH" for short. The basic concept? The Creator is an utter dumbass.
Consider the evidence:
1 The dark. One of the big ideas behind Intelligent Design is that there's no way an eye could evolve. My contention? There's no way a Creator who wasn't a goddamn imbecile would create eyes that don't work half the time.
2 Toes. They're just dangling there, off the end of your feet, with a bunch of fragile little bones. Combine these with #1 above, and you've got a recipe for disaster. You think Jonathan Ive would have created something as stupid as toes?
3 Nonspecific urethritis. I can understand a Creator trying to enforce draconian anti-sex measures by punishing people who break them with oozing pustules and fiery pain when they urinate, because, hey, that's what Creators do. But random urinary tract infections? Just, y'know, out of the blue, not being able to take a piss without screaming? That's just stupid.
4 Gravity's acceleration. Stuff breaks when it falls at 32 ft/sec^2. A little gravity's good--you don't want your coffee to go flying off the desk, after all--but why's it got to be so heavy? And don't get me started on what happens when you drop a bowling ball on #2 up there. You think the Creator hasn't done that a time or two and thought to himself, "Good gravy, I'm a fool"?
5 Tiger cubs. They are almost unbearably cute--so cute that if you saw one, you'd want to take it home. But then it grows up and EATS YOU. Good thinkin', there, C!
6 Genetics and natural selection. Anybody who's ever smushed a generation of drosophila melanogaster except the ones born with red eyes and has then seen the next generation born with red eyes understands the principles behind heritable traits and the idea that selecting for those traits makes it more likely the next generation will have them. So we have a Creator who goes to the trouble of making this simple, effective system, and then ignores it completely to create a billion or so species out of thin air. The sharpest tool in the shed? I THINK NOT.