Things I shall likely never tell you
This is simply version one, it will likely be edited a number of times and you shall never know it, whether to save myself or keep things moving smoothly if they do finally begin moving once more.
1. I literally hurt right now.
2. Part of me wishes I could hate you right now, but I could never bring myself to it for despite it all I still care for you.
3. The fact that you will not talk to me but at the Friday gatherings hurts me more than our deciding to take a break until I move to Brenham.
4. It hurts that you'd sooner ask Regan for the plans that RAchel and I have decided it upon rather than simply asking me, since I should know them best.
5. What are we doing right now, and how is this supposed to end? We're just supposed to be friends now, but what exactly is to happen when I move to Brenham? Will we pick up where things left off? Will we start over? Or will things remain so disconnected and unsatisfying as they are now?
6. I can't bring myself to be genuinly attracted to anyone else, though I don't know if we're allowed to date around until things are once more understood, and it's not to say the opportunity hasn't arisen.
7. I fear I might've lost one of the closest friends I've ever had because I cannot like him as I have before right now. I'm still too caught up in you. He did the same thing to me that you have, and he's lost my romantic affections for it, though it was a crime against my heart committed time and time again, I do not wish the same fate to befall you.
8. There was once a time when I would've dropped anyone I was with for Will if he'd come to me and said he'd broken up with Kaye. When I was with you I was reminded of this at one point and I realized that those feelings for him had left me and that I could think of being with no one but you.
9. I'm am, obviously, still completely smitten with you.
10. When I see Rachel and Chris together and hear from her how he makes her feel I am reminded of how I felt with you and I feel a real pain within me.
11. You teased that I should have plenty of time now, since I'm no longer driving between LG and BRenham, but instead of being with you I strive to keep myself from the depression that had forever sat upon my doorstep, waiting only for it's chance to torture me once more.
12. Part of me wants to be with someone else and have someone say something about it around you just to hurt you, but that is truly the last thing I wish to do to you.
This will eventually be editted, and I apologize for my all too flowery and ridiculous writing style and wish everyone's forgiveness for my lack of an explanation(soon coming) and my continual self pity.
But rigth now if someone reads this I think he might have some degree of dislike or even hate for me as well and I wish only to apologize to him for it. I never wished to hurt him, and I'm sorry that he spent so long putting me away for a rainy day and setting me aside as the second choice for me to lose the affection I'd had for him as that I might only keep him for a friend without lying to him. That sentence made no sense, but he's seen enough of my writing in riddles to hopefully understand what I wished to say and that I do still care for him as much as I can, but it is in a greatly different fashion than I once did.
Who ever you are that reads this, I've let loose a bit of my soul, and I love you for reading it and putting up with what I can allow none else to see, so as is eternal...
smile.
love.
goodnight.
1. I literally hurt right now.
2. Part of me wishes I could hate you right now, but I could never bring myself to it for despite it all I still care for you.
3. The fact that you will not talk to me but at the Friday gatherings hurts me more than our deciding to take a break until I move to Brenham.
4. It hurts that you'd sooner ask Regan for the plans that RAchel and I have decided it upon rather than simply asking me, since I should know them best.
5. What are we doing right now, and how is this supposed to end? We're just supposed to be friends now, but what exactly is to happen when I move to Brenham? Will we pick up where things left off? Will we start over? Or will things remain so disconnected and unsatisfying as they are now?
6. I can't bring myself to be genuinly attracted to anyone else, though I don't know if we're allowed to date around until things are once more understood, and it's not to say the opportunity hasn't arisen.
7. I fear I might've lost one of the closest friends I've ever had because I cannot like him as I have before right now. I'm still too caught up in you. He did the same thing to me that you have, and he's lost my romantic affections for it, though it was a crime against my heart committed time and time again, I do not wish the same fate to befall you.
8. There was once a time when I would've dropped anyone I was with for Will if he'd come to me and said he'd broken up with Kaye. When I was with you I was reminded of this at one point and I realized that those feelings for him had left me and that I could think of being with no one but you.
9. I'm am, obviously, still completely smitten with you.
10. When I see Rachel and Chris together and hear from her how he makes her feel I am reminded of how I felt with you and I feel a real pain within me.
11. You teased that I should have plenty of time now, since I'm no longer driving between LG and BRenham, but instead of being with you I strive to keep myself from the depression that had forever sat upon my doorstep, waiting only for it's chance to torture me once more.
12. Part of me wants to be with someone else and have someone say something about it around you just to hurt you, but that is truly the last thing I wish to do to you.
This will eventually be editted, and I apologize for my all too flowery and ridiculous writing style and wish everyone's forgiveness for my lack of an explanation(soon coming) and my continual self pity.
But rigth now if someone reads this I think he might have some degree of dislike or even hate for me as well and I wish only to apologize to him for it. I never wished to hurt him, and I'm sorry that he spent so long putting me away for a rainy day and setting me aside as the second choice for me to lose the affection I'd had for him as that I might only keep him for a friend without lying to him. That sentence made no sense, but he's seen enough of my writing in riddles to hopefully understand what I wished to say and that I do still care for him as much as I can, but it is in a greatly different fashion than I once did.
Who ever you are that reads this, I've let loose a bit of my soul, and I love you for reading it and putting up with what I can allow none else to see, so as is eternal...
smile.
love.
goodnight.