(no subject)
"what doesnt kill you makes you stronger"... a wise phrase. however, i think some things do kill parts of you... regardless of the strength you gain as a whole.
i have been doing very well lately. however, i have been burdened by self reflection of the past year. funny how life can change a person without being self aware that it is happening. im a lot stronger... a lot jaded... a lot wiser... a lot driven... a lot careful... a lot less emotional. i feel guilty for wasting my own time... for caring about things that never mattered... for worrying about things that only stopped me from having a good time. memories of the summer still cause my eyes to well up with tears... sad songs still haunt me in my sleep. its all over but the feelings are still so fresh at times. in a weird way it drives me. i did not realize i hated who i was until i am who i feel today. i really did get to start over. i have not found it to be easy.. but i have noticed my opinions to differ... my need for success to magnify... my independence to be existant... my emotions to be numb in some areas... my judgement of myself and others to be more prevelent and a sense of more self satisfaction. however, i am still embarrased of my past... the things ive done, the things ive said, the way ive thought, and the people ive dissapointed. i cant take it back but can hopefully make up for it. my writing in com professor doesnt take late work but hopefully life will.
i have been doing very well lately. however, i have been burdened by self reflection of the past year. funny how life can change a person without being self aware that it is happening. im a lot stronger... a lot jaded... a lot wiser... a lot driven... a lot careful... a lot less emotional. i feel guilty for wasting my own time... for caring about things that never mattered... for worrying about things that only stopped me from having a good time. memories of the summer still cause my eyes to well up with tears... sad songs still haunt me in my sleep. its all over but the feelings are still so fresh at times. in a weird way it drives me. i did not realize i hated who i was until i am who i feel today. i really did get to start over. i have not found it to be easy.. but i have noticed my opinions to differ... my need for success to magnify... my independence to be existant... my emotions to be numb in some areas... my judgement of myself and others to be more prevelent and a sense of more self satisfaction. however, i am still embarrased of my past... the things ive done, the things ive said, the way ive thought, and the people ive dissapointed. i cant take it back but can hopefully make up for it. my writing in com professor doesnt take late work but hopefully life will.