Recollection
Hey,
So I have been sitting here all day. So much for watching the Incredibles. Just now remembered. Anyways I can't really say that I did anything all to important to write, like I had said been sitting here all day. So for the little things that I did do like read Keri's long journal, and change the colors on mine, I don't really need to go in depth for. In any case I know I should clean my room, I'll do that tomorrow, and I'll do some homework tomorrow, when I actually would like to write a poem. Right now not in the mood to do some math problems or force myself into writing another poem that can't be about love or just be randomized. Maybe later actually when I get some sort of thoughts left in my head. I am feeling just a wee bit empty. I want metaphors back.
Oh the one thing I did do today was a pang in the chest. I had gone under my bed about an inch and pulled out the green small case. Well it isn't small, just looks small. It's bigger than the other black case. But I pulled that out and put in on my bed stared holes into it. The case is symbolic and maybe only one, actually only one would actually know what I'm talking about. but as the case laid there motionless and green... covered in a thick layer of gray dust I couldn't help but just look at it longer. After a longer time that I thought about it I moved the rusting silver latch to the side and then slowly opened the case. There lay the object I actually liked and enjoyed to use. Thing of it is that it hurt to look at it. Like I have been questioned on why I stopped, quit, ran on with the rest of my life, it wasn't a choice that was mine. I don't think I would have stopped even if I had a choice, of course my life past this past January didn't really have options, just statements and declares. I followed out the orders without looking back now is actually a time when I looked back.
So the light barely reflected against the gold that used to be on it, the gold that used to be occupying it; but age and poor cleaning turned it ugly. I didn't hold it, didn't dare. For some reason looking at it was sufficient enough for me to sit there and be affeced. Holding Eric's was an experience, this was harsh conditions. The artist simply doesn't go a few years disclaiming that they completely suck, too far behind, and will never use their talent again. Not much different. Well I don't see it as such, I mean I am the one who will have to live with this again. I wanted to, I guess, use it, try to at least but it isn't that easy to remember what I had forgotten on purpose to cover up the pain of having to quit. I guess that there are some things that I can do to relearn it all but then again I don't know if I want to put myself though the torture of really knowing that I am not good at it anymore. So with the rejection of looking at the former color, and the fact that my fingers actually knew what to do before the rest of my brain did, isn't now I had put it back quicker than I had pulled it out.
That is part of what I did today. Andrew came over to fix Sister's Breaks, or bring her car over while she worked or whatever. It was pretty weird. I knew D. didn't want to work on them. So in the end they worked on them and he gave me the January 2002 issue of Modern Drummer magizine with Joey Jordison on the cover in all his glory! Even better that the cover isn't blemished and is actually in the original wrapper. D. wanted me to open it and I almost slapped him. I won't open this at all. No way! so that was pretty cool. Earlier than that I went to Best Buys and didn't buy myself anything, I had just simply walked in got the two things I had been asked to get and then left. It was horrible, I wanted to get Blonde Redhead and they didn't have it. Ass holes. Yeah that was pretty saddening but I saw that they had Bethany Dillon and I double taked. But even that I didn't buy. I guess that's fine I have money for Josh's birthday now. Traded in All the silver Keri has given me, counted up to twenty bucks easily, and got a bill. Nice. Anyways, I'm hungry, annoyed by this little guy that is trying to figure out all that he can about me. But considering that he insulted me I'm not going to even give him the chance.
So I have been sitting here all day. So much for watching the Incredibles. Just now remembered. Anyways I can't really say that I did anything all to important to write, like I had said been sitting here all day. So for the little things that I did do like read Keri's long journal, and change the colors on mine, I don't really need to go in depth for. In any case I know I should clean my room, I'll do that tomorrow, and I'll do some homework tomorrow, when I actually would like to write a poem. Right now not in the mood to do some math problems or force myself into writing another poem that can't be about love or just be randomized. Maybe later actually when I get some sort of thoughts left in my head. I am feeling just a wee bit empty. I want metaphors back.
Oh the one thing I did do today was a pang in the chest. I had gone under my bed about an inch and pulled out the green small case. Well it isn't small, just looks small. It's bigger than the other black case. But I pulled that out and put in on my bed stared holes into it. The case is symbolic and maybe only one, actually only one would actually know what I'm talking about. but as the case laid there motionless and green... covered in a thick layer of gray dust I couldn't help but just look at it longer. After a longer time that I thought about it I moved the rusting silver latch to the side and then slowly opened the case. There lay the object I actually liked and enjoyed to use. Thing of it is that it hurt to look at it. Like I have been questioned on why I stopped, quit, ran on with the rest of my life, it wasn't a choice that was mine. I don't think I would have stopped even if I had a choice, of course my life past this past January didn't really have options, just statements and declares. I followed out the orders without looking back now is actually a time when I looked back.
So the light barely reflected against the gold that used to be on it, the gold that used to be occupying it; but age and poor cleaning turned it ugly. I didn't hold it, didn't dare. For some reason looking at it was sufficient enough for me to sit there and be affeced. Holding Eric's was an experience, this was harsh conditions. The artist simply doesn't go a few years disclaiming that they completely suck, too far behind, and will never use their talent again. Not much different. Well I don't see it as such, I mean I am the one who will have to live with this again. I wanted to, I guess, use it, try to at least but it isn't that easy to remember what I had forgotten on purpose to cover up the pain of having to quit. I guess that there are some things that I can do to relearn it all but then again I don't know if I want to put myself though the torture of really knowing that I am not good at it anymore. So with the rejection of looking at the former color, and the fact that my fingers actually knew what to do before the rest of my brain did, isn't now I had put it back quicker than I had pulled it out.
That is part of what I did today. Andrew came over to fix Sister's Breaks, or bring her car over while she worked or whatever. It was pretty weird. I knew D. didn't want to work on them. So in the end they worked on them and he gave me the January 2002 issue of Modern Drummer magizine with Joey Jordison on the cover in all his glory! Even better that the cover isn't blemished and is actually in the original wrapper. D. wanted me to open it and I almost slapped him. I won't open this at all. No way! so that was pretty cool. Earlier than that I went to Best Buys and didn't buy myself anything, I had just simply walked in got the two things I had been asked to get and then left. It was horrible, I wanted to get Blonde Redhead and they didn't have it. Ass holes. Yeah that was pretty saddening but I saw that they had Bethany Dillon and I double taked. But even that I didn't buy. I guess that's fine I have money for Josh's birthday now. Traded in All the silver Keri has given me, counted up to twenty bucks easily, and got a bill. Nice. Anyways, I'm hungry, annoyed by this little guy that is trying to figure out all that he can about me. But considering that he insulted me I'm not going to even give him the chance.