Don't Let Me Know I'm Invisible
Let's see here, for just stating plain and simple I'll say that last night I talked to Josh for seventy minutes, give or take. I learned about a few things, something I'm not allowed to tell anyone, and another thing that never got settled. There's this whole situation that was bigger than I knew. It wasn't just me that told him I liked him, there was a lot more, and I realized why he was thinking on Friday. There's a few of us, which is starting to blog him down, or so he says. So instead of being like the others, I chose to think of things objectively, and not cause some damage. The conversation goes deeper than that, but I'm just grazing off the tip, seemingly that it's in my head, and not really open for the rest of the world.
So now that I'm doing a few crash courses of thought processes, one waving over the other; even though I had tried not to think today. I guess now that I know a few things, that they have made sense repeatedly during today, that my thoughts triggered and I needed to settle something. Rather than unfold every waved layer of thick cloth that is suppressing my general mood and thoughts right now and try to share it all I'm just going to leave it where it is. It's more comforting to me than I'd like to admit. Complications make me me, though its the absense of it that calms me. It's not so much as the fact that I'm actively thinking that is calming me to the point where something will be figured out completely, is just the fact that even certain places can't hold secrets.
Now to share of my day, I didn't really have a good day, but I had a better day than the past. In the morning, I gave Jacob a hug, and was talking to him. Keri had let me borrow her headphones, irks me that I happened to loose of the the stupid covers sometime this day. I want to buy her new ones, she won't let me. so in the morning, Sissy and I tried to see if they got smart about their cookies, turns out after a long wait that they got even more stupid and decided to share what they were thinking. DECA doesn't get enough money from the cookies, so they raised the damn things. In doing so they are loosing more money than they would ever like to admit. It's only a matter of time before they realize that they should raise the cookies. Eat that whores. What else happened this morning...? Oh Keri and Martin almost hugged it was weird. Keri just turned around and outstretched her arms and Martin skeptically looked at her but was about to hug her when they realized what the hell they were doing and got smart to stop. Interesting.
In first we had to cut out forty words, which okay there had to be a catch. Turns out after that we had to group the words, okay that was fairly easy other than the words didn't really make sense because most people didn't cut out any articles. After that we got the joys of having to put the words into a group poem. I can say that this was so much fun, we were pulling words out of our piles and putting them together, and it was just like wow... but it was so much fun because our title as a group is, "Making Crash Test Dummies smile and Go RVing." I mean how can you not like a poem when that is the title. The ending sentence is, "And that's just because you have never been called a couch peanut." C'mon, it's great. Well that was this random case of finding the words, then after that we had to glue them while Eric and Mike found pictures to go with the poem. Can you say Chaotic? We spent twenty minutes looking for a couch, and then I found the peanut after they had been looking for that longer! HAHA. So I liked jumped up shouting, "I found the peanut!!" And Eric jumps as well, happy that we found the thing, and he cuts it out to glue it on, and we're all cheering. I miss him like him. He was so much fun, he still is, but random spurts of it sometimes. Oh well English was fun for a change!
Going to third we were all just standing around, and I got bored of just standing there, so I headed off to the lockers, only to be intercepted by Josh. I thought it would have played it smart and not have stayed home from school. I was wrong, but he did get their early. I figured that much. So I started walking him to his class, but we went to go get some soda. And I stood there munchin' on some Chocolate Doughnuts. Yum, they were good, I gave one to the chocolate hater. I'm not one of those die-hard chocolate fans, but I won't go crazy if someone doesn't like chocolate. I just find it a tad odd, but that's mainly it. He got a doctor pepper. Ok... Ew. Yeah ew. I don't like that watered down Coca-Cola stuff. But yeah, he made me hold that, which I mockingly said it was cold and he took it back, but gave me this bag of jewerly. Half of which is mostly mine. Ok, two whole things in the bag are mine, the rest were his, until he gave them to me, then now they are mine. Well that much is cool.
In third we got to go to Bashes, which I haven't been in that store before so this was an experience. That store is tiny, well compared to everything that I had thought it was. Tiny and expensive. Booo! But that was funny because I didn't have enough money to spend on the Marinara sauce, and that's the most important... Oh well I'll bring a can of tomatoe sauce on thursday, maybe two, and make sure to season the hell out of the actual sauce. I know how to fix this. Well it was funny because Holly was asking me about how was it at the Soda machine with 'that someone?' So Cyd and Erica turn around looking for gossip! I mean I get fluttered, because like takes me under her arm, to seclude me enough to get out all the juice details, and I look at Holly horrified because I don't know what to do. I mean, yeah answer them, but they thought I had a boyfriend and didn't hear me say I didn't. So I gave them my Dear in a headlights look, twisted free from Erica, and stood behind her while Cyd still tried to pry everything they could from me. When they stopped I explained to Holly this awkward situation, the other girls things... I don't know if she understood at all. Well we did this whole pry Tara from her 'love life'. Then we cooked our foods, interesting... I actually cooked. I know it's a first for me too. Holly explained her side of all I have been hearing about for a while, still confused, but I got the jist of it. That's also interesting.
We had gotten out early so I pretty much made it to my locker before anyone had heard the bell. I was at my locker, leaving, listening to my CD (Underworld) When anthony comes up talking to me, playing me this way and that. And I start cracking up, because it's funny how helpless I am. It's a good thing that he's playing, messin' around otherwise I'd be in the lockers and really hurt. He wanted my CD player, and I didn't give it up. From there I left him there and went to the tables. Keri and Amanda started to drag me off to the lockers, which I haven't been walking around with them so long that I didn't know why I didn't go now. But they told me I didn't have to go, and I took that chance to get away, to think. I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't go to Josh, I went to Jacob, and sat down with my backpack, then held out two decks of cards. He gave me this actually happy smile, and we started playin Poker while Josh buzzed from one side to the other with my other deck. So we played and I didn't kill him. We were doing good until Jamie came, and then the games were over. So I went over to Josh finally, and watched him try to play Rummy. I'm disappointed... he didn't play that game with me, but he plays it with Casper and looses on purpose. Do I see this huge hint or what? Well the card started to burn my eyes, and I couldn't open them that much, I couldn't play. But we did anyways, we played Poker, and Casper won, pretty badly. Interesting...
In trig we did more of this stupid log crap that I learned last year. I mean seriously! No more! oh well I stuffed my pride away, and started to draw... More like Doodle but compared to my other stuff the eye actually looked good. It wasn't supposed to be an eye... I started out almost doing my weird cresents and saw something else before my mind saw it, and my hand started working, and thirty minutes later I was looking at an eye. A very sad eye. I had also managed to take notes at the same time. It was weird, I was doing both without me noticing. I drew the eye twice took, where was I in all of this? I was just sitting there taking what my hand was giving me. Then we went on break, and I was sitting alone for a few minutes, trying to clean my head. That didn't work, so I went to distract it. I was standing relatively in the same area and Emily and Celina, while Emily did her thing which okay... ow. It was weird, I looked up and I saw Kyle just looking and he saw me. Which was weird, because it was just a look, then I looked away because Celina asked me about practice or how it works to help or something... Then back in Trig, which was reluctant and we did our last note, and then got to work on our easy homework.
I took the bus for the first time it seems in a while, and Philip asked me if I was doing good on the drums. At the time I started cracking up, and shook my head, which he laughed because I couldn't even answer him. Then he told me I should play with Adrian, who that is I don't know. But then I just kinda sat there the rest of the ride content with my Deftones, laughing about how social scenes are rollercoasters. I forgot to say that I talked to Juan before I went into trig. He wanted to give me Visine because my eyes were burning from the light. But I told him that Visine makes me cry, oh so bad, and then told him I'd burn him Deftones. Good thing I remembered, I would have forgotten. It's not the one he would want, but Deftones is Deftones... He wants Minerva... I want that too. Ok so I came home, I cleaned and i sat her listening to the underworld CD again for the sixth time in a few hours, and finally switched to the Mars Volta. Thinking though, isn't fun. It really isn't, I've said it before, but I'm tired of it, it's all I've been doing. Symbols, no symbols. Regularness, or just haphazard occuraces. It's all confusing. I'm all thinking.
Bye Bye
So now that I'm doing a few crash courses of thought processes, one waving over the other; even though I had tried not to think today. I guess now that I know a few things, that they have made sense repeatedly during today, that my thoughts triggered and I needed to settle something. Rather than unfold every waved layer of thick cloth that is suppressing my general mood and thoughts right now and try to share it all I'm just going to leave it where it is. It's more comforting to me than I'd like to admit. Complications make me me, though its the absense of it that calms me. It's not so much as the fact that I'm actively thinking that is calming me to the point where something will be figured out completely, is just the fact that even certain places can't hold secrets.
Now to share of my day, I didn't really have a good day, but I had a better day than the past. In the morning, I gave Jacob a hug, and was talking to him. Keri had let me borrow her headphones, irks me that I happened to loose of the the stupid covers sometime this day. I want to buy her new ones, she won't let me. so in the morning, Sissy and I tried to see if they got smart about their cookies, turns out after a long wait that they got even more stupid and decided to share what they were thinking. DECA doesn't get enough money from the cookies, so they raised the damn things. In doing so they are loosing more money than they would ever like to admit. It's only a matter of time before they realize that they should raise the cookies. Eat that whores. What else happened this morning...? Oh Keri and Martin almost hugged it was weird. Keri just turned around and outstretched her arms and Martin skeptically looked at her but was about to hug her when they realized what the hell they were doing and got smart to stop. Interesting.
In first we had to cut out forty words, which okay there had to be a catch. Turns out after that we had to group the words, okay that was fairly easy other than the words didn't really make sense because most people didn't cut out any articles. After that we got the joys of having to put the words into a group poem. I can say that this was so much fun, we were pulling words out of our piles and putting them together, and it was just like wow... but it was so much fun because our title as a group is, "Making Crash Test Dummies smile and Go RVing." I mean how can you not like a poem when that is the title. The ending sentence is, "And that's just because you have never been called a couch peanut." C'mon, it's great. Well that was this random case of finding the words, then after that we had to glue them while Eric and Mike found pictures to go with the poem. Can you say Chaotic? We spent twenty minutes looking for a couch, and then I found the peanut after they had been looking for that longer! HAHA. So I liked jumped up shouting, "I found the peanut!!" And Eric jumps as well, happy that we found the thing, and he cuts it out to glue it on, and we're all cheering. I miss him like him. He was so much fun, he still is, but random spurts of it sometimes. Oh well English was fun for a change!
Going to third we were all just standing around, and I got bored of just standing there, so I headed off to the lockers, only to be intercepted by Josh. I thought it would have played it smart and not have stayed home from school. I was wrong, but he did get their early. I figured that much. So I started walking him to his class, but we went to go get some soda. And I stood there munchin' on some Chocolate Doughnuts. Yum, they were good, I gave one to the chocolate hater. I'm not one of those die-hard chocolate fans, but I won't go crazy if someone doesn't like chocolate. I just find it a tad odd, but that's mainly it. He got a doctor pepper. Ok... Ew. Yeah ew. I don't like that watered down Coca-Cola stuff. But yeah, he made me hold that, which I mockingly said it was cold and he took it back, but gave me this bag of jewerly. Half of which is mostly mine. Ok, two whole things in the bag are mine, the rest were his, until he gave them to me, then now they are mine. Well that much is cool.
In third we got to go to Bashes, which I haven't been in that store before so this was an experience. That store is tiny, well compared to everything that I had thought it was. Tiny and expensive. Booo! But that was funny because I didn't have enough money to spend on the Marinara sauce, and that's the most important... Oh well I'll bring a can of tomatoe sauce on thursday, maybe two, and make sure to season the hell out of the actual sauce. I know how to fix this. Well it was funny because Holly was asking me about how was it at the Soda machine with 'that someone?' So Cyd and Erica turn around looking for gossip! I mean I get fluttered, because like takes me under her arm, to seclude me enough to get out all the juice details, and I look at Holly horrified because I don't know what to do. I mean, yeah answer them, but they thought I had a boyfriend and didn't hear me say I didn't. So I gave them my Dear in a headlights look, twisted free from Erica, and stood behind her while Cyd still tried to pry everything they could from me. When they stopped I explained to Holly this awkward situation, the other girls things... I don't know if she understood at all. Well we did this whole pry Tara from her 'love life'. Then we cooked our foods, interesting... I actually cooked. I know it's a first for me too. Holly explained her side of all I have been hearing about for a while, still confused, but I got the jist of it. That's also interesting.
We had gotten out early so I pretty much made it to my locker before anyone had heard the bell. I was at my locker, leaving, listening to my CD (Underworld) When anthony comes up talking to me, playing me this way and that. And I start cracking up, because it's funny how helpless I am. It's a good thing that he's playing, messin' around otherwise I'd be in the lockers and really hurt. He wanted my CD player, and I didn't give it up. From there I left him there and went to the tables. Keri and Amanda started to drag me off to the lockers, which I haven't been walking around with them so long that I didn't know why I didn't go now. But they told me I didn't have to go, and I took that chance to get away, to think. I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't go to Josh, I went to Jacob, and sat down with my backpack, then held out two decks of cards. He gave me this actually happy smile, and we started playin Poker while Josh buzzed from one side to the other with my other deck. So we played and I didn't kill him. We were doing good until Jamie came, and then the games were over. So I went over to Josh finally, and watched him try to play Rummy. I'm disappointed... he didn't play that game with me, but he plays it with Casper and looses on purpose. Do I see this huge hint or what? Well the card started to burn my eyes, and I couldn't open them that much, I couldn't play. But we did anyways, we played Poker, and Casper won, pretty badly. Interesting...
In trig we did more of this stupid log crap that I learned last year. I mean seriously! No more! oh well I stuffed my pride away, and started to draw... More like Doodle but compared to my other stuff the eye actually looked good. It wasn't supposed to be an eye... I started out almost doing my weird cresents and saw something else before my mind saw it, and my hand started working, and thirty minutes later I was looking at an eye. A very sad eye. I had also managed to take notes at the same time. It was weird, I was doing both without me noticing. I drew the eye twice took, where was I in all of this? I was just sitting there taking what my hand was giving me. Then we went on break, and I was sitting alone for a few minutes, trying to clean my head. That didn't work, so I went to distract it. I was standing relatively in the same area and Emily and Celina, while Emily did her thing which okay... ow. It was weird, I looked up and I saw Kyle just looking and he saw me. Which was weird, because it was just a look, then I looked away because Celina asked me about practice or how it works to help or something... Then back in Trig, which was reluctant and we did our last note, and then got to work on our easy homework.
I took the bus for the first time it seems in a while, and Philip asked me if I was doing good on the drums. At the time I started cracking up, and shook my head, which he laughed because I couldn't even answer him. Then he told me I should play with Adrian, who that is I don't know. But then I just kinda sat there the rest of the ride content with my Deftones, laughing about how social scenes are rollercoasters. I forgot to say that I talked to Juan before I went into trig. He wanted to give me Visine because my eyes were burning from the light. But I told him that Visine makes me cry, oh so bad, and then told him I'd burn him Deftones. Good thing I remembered, I would have forgotten. It's not the one he would want, but Deftones is Deftones... He wants Minerva... I want that too. Ok so I came home, I cleaned and i sat her listening to the underworld CD again for the sixth time in a few hours, and finally switched to the Mars Volta. Thinking though, isn't fun. It really isn't, I've said it before, but I'm tired of it, it's all I've been doing. Symbols, no symbols. Regularness, or just haphazard occuraces. It's all confusing. I'm all thinking.
Bye Bye