[-she's falling apart waiting for superman to pick her up in his arms-]
they say you don't know what you got till it's gone. is that really true? i guess so. it's so hard lately. April set me off. Set me off into thinking and doing stupid fucking things. because april is when my life changed for the better. come july, that's when i'll be reminded how it was changed forever. i don't know why i'm taking 50 steps back, but it's so hard. i just want someone to understand, i want you to understand. but you're too busy being angry. blaming me. saying awful things. i didnt lose my virginity to you? are you fucking insane? how the fuck can you possibly think those things about me? i don't understand, and this can't be you.. can it? are you so far gone? it hurts. it hurts so bad, because the things you swear i never wanted.. come to find out, were all i ever wanted. maybe i didnt know it at the fucking time, but i know now. and it's too late. maybe i'l find them with someone else. in fact, i can SEE these things with jim, but starting over.. is hard. time is hard to deal with. it's like we were so close to the end goal. and then we lost it. and now we both have to start over and find that again. alone. separately. it's almost like being so close to the finish line, falling.. and losing the fucking race. there's no way that i can make you understand, and at one point i didnt think it would even be worth trying. i liked it better then, but now i'm crashing and i'm falling. and i feel alone. alone in a crowd of people. and i feel bad for you. because i knew i'd be "okay," but you.. you lost everything. and everyone i know reminds me that you deserved that. and maybe you do but why does it hurt so bad? maybe because i've always been the one to save you, and now i cant. maybe i just wanted to save you. maybe i just feel like i failed you. maybe i feel like i failed me. maybe i feel like i failed us. i hate this, whatever it may be.