While we're at it...................

[confusedcrimson]

I was sitting here reading ur entries and it seems to me that we are all having a rough time. Well, here is mine: As you all know, Eddy broke up with me. We have been talking and hanging out and stuff. Well, last night, we were talking and just before I got out of the car, he said "You know I don't mean to hurt you right?" I just shrugged my shoulders and softly said "I guess." Then, He put his arms around me and held me so tight, I just wanted him never to let go. Well, shortly after that, he sent me a text message. it said "I was just trying my best to show u how sorry I am for putting you thru all of thisand for once in my life, I truely am sorry. Seriously." The nest text was "I just feel bad that you are the only one going thru the pain and I feel nothing. I am used to others getting the good out of the break up and me getting fucked. I dont feel right this way. I am used to being fucked over not fucking someone else over. I just hate the feeling of fucking you over. So either way, in this position, I feel guilty or unhappy." I told him "You gotta do what you gotta do. Just hurry up and figure things out and come back to me. I can't wait around for too long, it is just too painful." Then he text back, "I have a feeling it will take quite awhile. Not that it will, just possibly." Then he text, "You may be lost, but your not really alone. Same as me because neither of us have went thru the things that we are both seperately going thru now." I just want him back. I miss him so much. I love him. How can I deal with all of this? How can I sit here and be friends and not have time to getover anything when we have to see each other everyday? He gives me a ride to and from work, and on wednesdays, he takes me to cash my check before he takes me home. He finally understands just how hard this is for me. I have been in a bottomless depression that I dont' see a way out of. I have hit bottom. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say? I am so lost and alone. He knows where to start. He already did. Breaking up with me was the first thing, and then to go on like normal and see if he misses me or not, to see if he wants me back. I don't know where to start! I have hit the bottom of depression. I am totally numb right now. I have been crying so hard for the past 2 days. I have to go get ready for work.

Love all!