Eureka!
Earlier tonight, Kristin and I were pondering the POINT of it all. Well, it was really more me complaining to her but...same difference. I really couldn't figure out why we do all of the silly things we do. Why do we spend hours and hours reading things written before we were born just so we can break them down? Why do we write things just to have them criticized by people who will never understand what was going on inside us when we wrote them? Why do we boil things that may be just coincidences down to theories that may or may not be disproved one day? Why do we fiddle with equations and formulas to attempt to reconcile the humungous gap between what we know and what we don't? I was ready to quit trying to do anything meaningful, to cut all intellectual stimulus out of my life. But then, I think I figured it out.
At 12:30 (yes am) when I started doing my homework I was in a horrible bitter mood. Today was the pits: I had to go to a two hour meeting for work (another seemingly pointless thing we do-work), had to stay at work for three hours doing nothing, went to the gym and felt really inadequate for like an hour and a half, and then came home to a house full of arguing people. I worked on my physics component and watched some movie about cops in the 40's with my dad and finally decided I'd better get to work.
Anyway...I was writing (well, re-writing) my inaugural address for AP comp when I realized: things like that are WHY we do all the stupid things we do. Fiddling with and finally figuring out the perfect combination of words to express the million thoughts surging through my brain was, at that moment, my reason for living. With every sentance that played out exactly the way I wanted it to, my mood improved. Making something that you can be really, truely proud of is the biggest reason for why we do what we do. It doesn't matter why you're proud or what other people think about it, all that matters is that you have created something uniquely yours and shared it with the world. It will affect the people around you just in its existance...and I think that is so beautiful.
All in all, the point is...here it comes...to do your damndest to figure out where you fit and be the best you can at what you can. The fact that I can write fiction like a mo' fo' and suck at physics is friggin beautiful. The fact that our president is a dumbass and still managed to get where he is today is friggin awesome (i know i may get some rebuttals to that statement but :-p). The fact that we do it all even though we don't know exactly why is the epitome of amazing. I love it. I love life.
I cannot believe my mood changed so drastically in such a short amount of time. I love that too.
For all you weirdos (like me) you can read my inaugural right
Fellow constituents:
The consequence of war, especially when it places brothers at odds, is that every man suffers. Nothing can excuse the men of this country from their respective responsibilities to a perpetual state of examination of the fundamental accountability of their government. Accordingly, in times such as these, when men feel that their needs and even their rights have been neglected, they are saddled with the arduous task of fighting for their God-given right to freedom and the pursuit of justice. Our civil war, which now seems to have been inevitable for the lack of compromise within our union, has placed inescapable hardships upon man, woman, and child: no matter to which race, creed, or religion they belong. I fear these hardships may never be stricken from the memories or the hearts of Americans--even by the Lord God Almighty--but I sincerely trust that they will stand as a reminder of what is to come from raging tempers, swelling egos, and a severe lack of collaboration within our union.
Furthermore, I trust that this dispute will bring about an end in which we may be reminded not of the incompatibilities we once felt existed among us, but of the striking similarities between our currently warring worlds. Do we not forge through the same droughts and floods with the unequal courage that makes us uniquely American? Are we not all waging this war for the good of our families, our land, and our freedom?
With each passing day that we continue to clash against our brothers, we sharpen our image of the future of our America. I envision a nation with unrivaled unity from North to South as well as from East to as far West as we may gaze, a republic which involves each and every man in the administration of our daily life, and a democracy which strives to protect the life and liberties of each individual from military as well as gentlemanly conflict both within our borders and beyond.
In its most rudimentary form, democracy is a system that unifies, compromises, and provides for the common well-being of all its supporters. When constituents of the commonwealth feel themselves to be ill-represented, the fault lies within the interpretation and application of the idea of democracy by the government’s chosen elite. I will continue to assist the progressive end of our civil war to the limits of my capacity because I believe in our nation’s ability to rebuild and expand. I believe in the tenets of our democracy as sustained by the United States Constitution. I believe in the character of American citizens and the limitless expanses of their potential for peace, compromise, and undying freedom..
I don't care enough to spell check this entry. I can't stop smiling.