I need a creative outlet because I can't stop thinking about sex
It's bad.
It's not even about Luke any more, it's about the sex. So, get this, after my little melt down the other week, I got out of the village the next day and had TWO texts AND a VOICEMAIL from Luke. I guess my lack of mobile phone reception came off as aloofness? Anyway, that started a whole tirade of dirty texting, that day and the other night whilst I was in London for a school reunion. Some samples of his work are:
"Hello you sexy, horny, amazing person!"
"I've been thinking about you"
"I wanna tie you up"
"You make me horny as fuck when you tease me".
Not exactly Shakespeare, but whatever, it was hot at the time. And I totally participated in this obscene textage. But I guess I'm bored of this whole thing. Bored of never knowing if/when I'll hear from him, bored of getting turned on without anything actually happening and bored of lowering myself, just because...well, to be honest, I don't even know why!
I guess, he is a good lay. And I am attracted to him. But whatever, that is not enough. I think part of it is also the fact that I might not be totally over Michael. Walking through my old neighbourhood the other night (drunk), it was so tempting so just go over and have him hold me and love me and make me feel all better. But I didn't. So, I guess that's growth or maturity or whatever?
Oh god. And as if I wasn't acting stupid enough, I've asked Luke if I can get a ride to uni with him on Friday in his van. He's said yes, as long as his other friend doesn't need a lift. I mean, it WOULD be nice, especially as I have all my books and guitar and stuff, but...part of me wants to decide that I don't want to go with him now, before he falls through on everything. I mean, he said he'll let me know, but I don't believe that for a second.
OK, (late) new years resolutions:
-take multivitamins every day
-go to the gym at least twice a week
-if I find myself being driven by my sexual urges, I will go to the gym
-if I want to watch something, I will study for the same length of time first
-I will be SUPER PICKY about guys
-no more one night stands
-no more drunken dancefloor snogs
-basically, no more guys within the Falmouth culture
-join the LGBT
Of course, those resolutions pertaining to guys, in my head they don't apply to Luke or Jamie. Which is bad, right? If I had been thinking like this before, I wouldn't be in this situation. The only way I can think of changing things is to cut these guys out of the picture and I don't want to do that. Why?
Because I'm pathetic, ok?
It's not even about Luke any more, it's about the sex. So, get this, after my little melt down the other week, I got out of the village the next day and had TWO texts AND a VOICEMAIL from Luke. I guess my lack of mobile phone reception came off as aloofness? Anyway, that started a whole tirade of dirty texting, that day and the other night whilst I was in London for a school reunion. Some samples of his work are:
"Hello you sexy, horny, amazing person!"
"I've been thinking about you"
"I wanna tie you up"
"You make me horny as fuck when you tease me".
Not exactly Shakespeare, but whatever, it was hot at the time. And I totally participated in this obscene textage. But I guess I'm bored of this whole thing. Bored of never knowing if/when I'll hear from him, bored of getting turned on without anything actually happening and bored of lowering myself, just because...well, to be honest, I don't even know why!
I guess, he is a good lay. And I am attracted to him. But whatever, that is not enough. I think part of it is also the fact that I might not be totally over Michael. Walking through my old neighbourhood the other night (drunk), it was so tempting so just go over and have him hold me and love me and make me feel all better. But I didn't. So, I guess that's growth or maturity or whatever?
Oh god. And as if I wasn't acting stupid enough, I've asked Luke if I can get a ride to uni with him on Friday in his van. He's said yes, as long as his other friend doesn't need a lift. I mean, it WOULD be nice, especially as I have all my books and guitar and stuff, but...part of me wants to decide that I don't want to go with him now, before he falls through on everything. I mean, he said he'll let me know, but I don't believe that for a second.
OK, (late) new years resolutions:
-take multivitamins every day
-go to the gym at least twice a week
-if I find myself being driven by my sexual urges, I will go to the gym
-if I want to watch something, I will study for the same length of time first
-I will be SUPER PICKY about guys
-no more one night stands
-no more drunken dancefloor snogs
-basically, no more guys within the Falmouth culture
-join the LGBT
Of course, those resolutions pertaining to guys, in my head they don't apply to Luke or Jamie. Which is bad, right? If I had been thinking like this before, I wouldn't be in this situation. The only way I can think of changing things is to cut these guys out of the picture and I don't want to do that. Why?
Because I'm pathetic, ok?