I need to write more
I realized today that i don't write in here much anymore. But as I was going over my old entries and remembering all the things i wrote about and being able to reflect on how I've changed and how my life has changed and how much writing about shit helped me, i realized it's something i need to start doing again.
So where to start?
Well I'll hopefully be graduating by the end of February the latest. i'm planning to move to Sacramento with my boyfriend Ryan who I love very much. We've had our share of problems and our relationship isn't perfect but I love him and he loves me ( i can actually say that with confidence now) and i want to continue to share my life with him. Unfortunately he's moving before me and it scares me. I'm afraid I'll just be erased, like i was with my dad. But that's just old ghosts haunting me.
Speaking of my Dad I'm done with him and his family. Apparently he was snooping online and found something i had written about his side of the family not liking me and making me uncomfortable. He went and told his sisters and pretty much everyone in his family that I talk shit about all of them and I don't like any of them and I'm a drug addict. And he didn't even confront me with any of this which is what hurts the most. He was so quick to just go talk all this shit. And then my aunt says that she doesn't want me around confirming how I always felt which pisses me off that they always told me I was crazy for thinking that. But what can I do? I have to move on with my life. I can't dwell on their bullshit and drama forever. And it's sad because my Dad must be such a miserable man. I love him to death and it kills me that i can't be a part of them anymore but I don't want to. I want to live and I want to be myself. I am who I am and they could take it or leave it and they chose to leave it so that's that. I'm not dwelling on it anymore.
Don't really hang out with Jackie much anymore. She's busy with her boyfriend which sort of irritates me since she used to give me so much shit, even before she disliked my boyfriend, but whatever I'm glad she's happy and I hope we can remain friends. I don't see much of my friends anymore. I'm trying to save up money to move, and i'm trying to get all my credits, and I'm trying to work out as many kinks with ryan before i move in with him. I'm scared it's not the best decision, and i know it's not the BEST but i have to do what I WANT to do. I feel I'll regret it if I don't move and I don't want to have regrets. I can always come back.
But i already have a plan. I want to go to Sac community college, only taking like 2 classes the first year I'm there while I work and save my money, and then eventually transfer to sac state. I kind of want to be an art teacher but I don't know that could change.
I'm worried about my brother because he's messing up a lot but I went through it so hopefully he'll get through it. uhhhm I have a kitten her name is beezy and she's a sweetheart!
I don't know what else to say. I need to get back into the swing of this lol.
but I think this journal is important. It's something I can keep forever and look back on and remember and appreciate.
Even among the bad, there are sooo many good memories. And as I start a new chapter in my life (being scared as hell) I know it will be okay because every chapter has good times.
so yeah let the good times roll :)
So where to start?
Well I'll hopefully be graduating by the end of February the latest. i'm planning to move to Sacramento with my boyfriend Ryan who I love very much. We've had our share of problems and our relationship isn't perfect but I love him and he loves me ( i can actually say that with confidence now) and i want to continue to share my life with him. Unfortunately he's moving before me and it scares me. I'm afraid I'll just be erased, like i was with my dad. But that's just old ghosts haunting me.
Speaking of my Dad I'm done with him and his family. Apparently he was snooping online and found something i had written about his side of the family not liking me and making me uncomfortable. He went and told his sisters and pretty much everyone in his family that I talk shit about all of them and I don't like any of them and I'm a drug addict. And he didn't even confront me with any of this which is what hurts the most. He was so quick to just go talk all this shit. And then my aunt says that she doesn't want me around confirming how I always felt which pisses me off that they always told me I was crazy for thinking that. But what can I do? I have to move on with my life. I can't dwell on their bullshit and drama forever. And it's sad because my Dad must be such a miserable man. I love him to death and it kills me that i can't be a part of them anymore but I don't want to. I want to live and I want to be myself. I am who I am and they could take it or leave it and they chose to leave it so that's that. I'm not dwelling on it anymore.
Don't really hang out with Jackie much anymore. She's busy with her boyfriend which sort of irritates me since she used to give me so much shit, even before she disliked my boyfriend, but whatever I'm glad she's happy and I hope we can remain friends. I don't see much of my friends anymore. I'm trying to save up money to move, and i'm trying to get all my credits, and I'm trying to work out as many kinks with ryan before i move in with him. I'm scared it's not the best decision, and i know it's not the BEST but i have to do what I WANT to do. I feel I'll regret it if I don't move and I don't want to have regrets. I can always come back.
But i already have a plan. I want to go to Sac community college, only taking like 2 classes the first year I'm there while I work and save my money, and then eventually transfer to sac state. I kind of want to be an art teacher but I don't know that could change.
I'm worried about my brother because he's messing up a lot but I went through it so hopefully he'll get through it. uhhhm I have a kitten her name is beezy and she's a sweetheart!
I don't know what else to say. I need to get back into the swing of this lol.
but I think this journal is important. It's something I can keep forever and look back on and remember and appreciate.
Even among the bad, there are sooo many good memories. And as I start a new chapter in my life (being scared as hell) I know it will be okay because every chapter has good times.
so yeah let the good times roll :)