(no subject)
Anna came to visit me over spring break; we had a good time. This entry is a response to discussions we had over break, but only so far as these discussions were a catalyst: most of the things I will present are things that I have known about for some time but before now have not been sufficiently motivated to think about them in a systematic way.
The central question that I would like to consider here is, "How should I best live my life?" There are naturally several subsidiary questions to such a broad topic, and chief among these questions is, "I don't usually consider myself unhappy. It's only when I look back onto the habits I've developed that I recognize a crisis. How do I break these habits?" When it comes to living my life, I have recently found Confucius's Analects to be an excellent resource, so I will use excerpts to motivate my discussion:
"Tzu-kung said, 'While I do not wish others to impose on me, I also wish not to impose on others.' The Master said, "Ssu, that is quite beyond you.'" (Book V, Number 12)
I only stumbled across this quote relatively recently, but I immediately recognize Tzu-kung's point of view. His comment encapsulates one of the "habits" that I mentioned in the subsidiary question above. Like Tzu-kung, I wish not to impose on others. I wish this to an extreme degree; I wish it without thinking about it; when it's pointed out to me, I agree to the absurdity of my attempt, but when no one says anything, it is an easy habit to reinforce. So what can I learn from Confucius's response? I can learn that it is quite beyond me.
Now the Analects do not provide any introduction to the disciples named, so we must hope that Confucius's response, while directed at Tzu-kung directly, should be applicable to anyone that makes the same statement. So wishing not to impose on others is quite beyond me. In fact, it is quite beyond anyone. Confucius asserts that it simply cannot be done, or rather that doing so is incorrect. This quote, then, just serves as confirmation that my habit of passivity is wrong.
Perhaps the more general point is that impositions are not objectively bad. Conflict is not inherently bad. This claim could be supported by the quote. Perhaps conflict is useful and even necessary. Certainly it is unavoidable. One should minimize conflict, but also be prepared to use its advantages where possible. For what would happen if one avoids conflict at all costs?
"The Master said, 'Cunning words, an ingratiating face and utter servility, these things Tso-ch'iu Ming found shameful. I, too, find them shameful. To be friendly towards someone while concealing one's hostility, this Tso-ch'iu Ming found shameful. I, too, find it shameful.'" (Book V, Number 25)
The quote describes the perfect Tzu-kung: a man who imposes on no-one, who provides only cunning words and servility and nothing to offend anyone. And this is a shameful thing. Now, I pride myself on cunning words probably as much as anyone can. (The jury is still out on whether my face is "ingratiating.") And God knows that servility is one of my watch-words. For as long as I can remember, what I want has been unimportant, and what someone else wants has been the most sacred. Even on few occasions where I voice an opinion, I back down immediately if a conflict becomes apparent. It is as if I have no will to fight. Every battle is just part of the "small stuff" that everyone tells you never to break a sweat over. It has reduced me to the point where I scarcely feel the need to offer an initial opinion anymore, where I have felt guilt when one of my suggestions is accepted without question.
(Perhaps, dear reader, you feel I am being too harsh on myself. My consolation is that Confucius recognized and condemned these problems millennia ago, so historically speaking I'm not alone.)
The next two quotes go together:
"Chi Wen Tzu always thought three times before taking any action. When the Master was told of this, he commented, 'Twice is quite enough.'" (Book V, Number 20)
"The Master said, 'The gentleman desires to be halting in speech but quick in action.'" (Book IV, Number 24)
The message here seems quite clearly to be -- act! I am half-way to being a gentleman, for certainly my speech is halting. "Better to keep silent and be thought a fool ..." I'm sure you are familiar with the quotation. And now we must take a short detour into Sartre.
Most of my Sartrist thought comes from reading Huis Clos. If you are more familiar with existentialism, reader, I hope you won't find this analysis too simplistic. It is possible that Confucius is mistaken to draw a distinction between speech and action, at least when it comes to judging gentlemen. For both speech and action are seen by others, and both can be judged. Recall our three condemned souls in a hotel room: in a situation like that, can there really be a distinction between speech and action? Everyone sees everything. So a gentleman must have correctness both in speech and action, and fundamentally they can't be too different. Now which is better, to be halting or to be quick?
One must be deliberate, but not slow. "Twice is quite enough," says Confucius.
Where is all this discussion going? I have been delightfully vague throughout the whole thing. This post is really a search: I'm looking for a constant reminder -- for a way to keep myself from falling back into my habits of passivity, of shrinking from conflict, of over-analyzing, of subjugating myself before everyone I see simply because they happen to not be me. I should not be afraid to have opinions, dammit. I should not be afraid to have wants (I do not subscribe to the idea that desire is directly responsible for human suffering). One must think long enough to know what one wants -- but no longer.
Indeed, I have often complained that I feel like I'm not living, but waiting. That I spend most of my time waiting for something to happen to me, and then I can react, and then I can return to an equilibrium point and wait until the next stimulus. And then I look back on my life and wonder why I feel like a non-entity. ("...oh WHOOOOO'S the guy... ...GUEST-STARRING in his own life...")
To continue quoting webcomics: FUCK. THAT. SHIT.
"The Master said, 'The man of wisdom is never in two minds; the man of benevolence never worries; the man of courage is never afraid.'" (Book IX, Number 29)
Quotes are from The Analects of Confucius, translated by D.C. Lau. New York: Penguin Putnam Inc., 1979.
The central question that I would like to consider here is, "How should I best live my life?" There are naturally several subsidiary questions to such a broad topic, and chief among these questions is, "I don't usually consider myself unhappy. It's only when I look back onto the habits I've developed that I recognize a crisis. How do I break these habits?" When it comes to living my life, I have recently found Confucius's Analects to be an excellent resource, so I will use excerpts to motivate my discussion:
"Tzu-kung said, 'While I do not wish others to impose on me, I also wish not to impose on others.' The Master said, "Ssu, that is quite beyond you.'" (Book V, Number 12)
I only stumbled across this quote relatively recently, but I immediately recognize Tzu-kung's point of view. His comment encapsulates one of the "habits" that I mentioned in the subsidiary question above. Like Tzu-kung, I wish not to impose on others. I wish this to an extreme degree; I wish it without thinking about it; when it's pointed out to me, I agree to the absurdity of my attempt, but when no one says anything, it is an easy habit to reinforce. So what can I learn from Confucius's response? I can learn that it is quite beyond me.
Now the Analects do not provide any introduction to the disciples named, so we must hope that Confucius's response, while directed at Tzu-kung directly, should be applicable to anyone that makes the same statement. So wishing not to impose on others is quite beyond me. In fact, it is quite beyond anyone. Confucius asserts that it simply cannot be done, or rather that doing so is incorrect. This quote, then, just serves as confirmation that my habit of passivity is wrong.
Perhaps the more general point is that impositions are not objectively bad. Conflict is not inherently bad. This claim could be supported by the quote. Perhaps conflict is useful and even necessary. Certainly it is unavoidable. One should minimize conflict, but also be prepared to use its advantages where possible. For what would happen if one avoids conflict at all costs?
"The Master said, 'Cunning words, an ingratiating face and utter servility, these things Tso-ch'iu Ming found shameful. I, too, find them shameful. To be friendly towards someone while concealing one's hostility, this Tso-ch'iu Ming found shameful. I, too, find it shameful.'" (Book V, Number 25)
The quote describes the perfect Tzu-kung: a man who imposes on no-one, who provides only cunning words and servility and nothing to offend anyone. And this is a shameful thing. Now, I pride myself on cunning words probably as much as anyone can. (The jury is still out on whether my face is "ingratiating.") And God knows that servility is one of my watch-words. For as long as I can remember, what I want has been unimportant, and what someone else wants has been the most sacred. Even on few occasions where I voice an opinion, I back down immediately if a conflict becomes apparent. It is as if I have no will to fight. Every battle is just part of the "small stuff" that everyone tells you never to break a sweat over. It has reduced me to the point where I scarcely feel the need to offer an initial opinion anymore, where I have felt guilt when one of my suggestions is accepted without question.
(Perhaps, dear reader, you feel I am being too harsh on myself. My consolation is that Confucius recognized and condemned these problems millennia ago, so historically speaking I'm not alone.)
The next two quotes go together:
"Chi Wen Tzu always thought three times before taking any action. When the Master was told of this, he commented, 'Twice is quite enough.'" (Book V, Number 20)
"The Master said, 'The gentleman desires to be halting in speech but quick in action.'" (Book IV, Number 24)
The message here seems quite clearly to be -- act! I am half-way to being a gentleman, for certainly my speech is halting. "Better to keep silent and be thought a fool ..." I'm sure you are familiar with the quotation. And now we must take a short detour into Sartre.
Most of my Sartrist thought comes from reading Huis Clos. If you are more familiar with existentialism, reader, I hope you won't find this analysis too simplistic. It is possible that Confucius is mistaken to draw a distinction between speech and action, at least when it comes to judging gentlemen. For both speech and action are seen by others, and both can be judged. Recall our three condemned souls in a hotel room: in a situation like that, can there really be a distinction between speech and action? Everyone sees everything. So a gentleman must have correctness both in speech and action, and fundamentally they can't be too different. Now which is better, to be halting or to be quick?
One must be deliberate, but not slow. "Twice is quite enough," says Confucius.
Where is all this discussion going? I have been delightfully vague throughout the whole thing. This post is really a search: I'm looking for a constant reminder -- for a way to keep myself from falling back into my habits of passivity, of shrinking from conflict, of over-analyzing, of subjugating myself before everyone I see simply because they happen to not be me. I should not be afraid to have opinions, dammit. I should not be afraid to have wants (I do not subscribe to the idea that desire is directly responsible for human suffering). One must think long enough to know what one wants -- but no longer.
Indeed, I have often complained that I feel like I'm not living, but waiting. That I spend most of my time waiting for something to happen to me, and then I can react, and then I can return to an equilibrium point and wait until the next stimulus. And then I look back on my life and wonder why I feel like a non-entity. ("...oh WHOOOOO'S the guy... ...GUEST-STARRING in his own life...")
To continue quoting webcomics: FUCK. THAT. SHIT.
"The Master said, 'The man of wisdom is never in two minds; the man of benevolence never worries; the man of courage is never afraid.'" (Book IX, Number 29)
Quotes are from The Analects of Confucius, translated by D.C. Lau. New York: Penguin Putnam Inc., 1979.