Huge update
The munch on Wednesday was good, as usual and I figured out my problem. I am only truly comfortable when my core group shows up (which usually isn't until 8:30 to 9:00). Until then, I have that slight Barclay issue of feeling socially inept. I can usually chat with the people there, but I almost crave the activity and socialization at the kids table. As soon as it starts forming, I quietly excuse myself and slip on over. This week was no different. I especially liked getting pelted with attention getting sugar packets. And I realized that I am not up on all the movies I should be. Working in a video store had it's perks.
Thursday was a bit confusing. I thought I was going to meet up with a friend, but it turns out I jumped the gun. Oh well, life happens and we move on. I rescheduled for Sunday (today) and proceeded to get three other people signed on.
Friday was a loooooong fucking day. I got called up at 6:30am to go substitute at a middle school. It was a computer class, almost easier than PE. All I have to do is make sure the students know what they're supposed to be working on. The TA's (there was one every period) took role and walked around making sure everyone was on task. I kicked back and surfed the net. During lunch, I got to chat with my old English teacher that transfered to the school. She refused to tell me why she transfered, but told me that she was much happier at the current school. On my way back to the room, a fire drill went off. Since I wasn't warned about it ahead of time (Yes, they tell teachers when to expect emergency drills.) I had no fucking clue what to do. I headed toward the quad like everyone else and just kinda hung back, hopping none of the administration would spot me. They sounded the all clear and I headed back to the room for fifth period. I immediately reviewed the safety protocols and found the area I should have been in. Oh well. Meanwhile, the loudspeaker was droning on about how the alarm was not planned and that the guilty party would be dealt with. Also, there was a reminder that, if an alarm occurs before school, during a passing period, break, lunch or after school, students and faculty are to report to their 4th period locations. Good to know. After the last of the students filed out of 6th period, I dropped my key off in the office and headed home. I napped for about 30 minutes, then got ready to go to work (yeah, long fucking day). Luckily, I only have two tables on Friday, so it wasn't that bad. Tutoring went quickly and I was zipping through my paperwork at the end. I actually managed to beat some of my students out the door. Where to now? Where else? The munch. It was really cool; small, but cool nonetheless. There were two newbies there that S had invited over from LM. I got to sit next to and chat with someone that, until then, had always scared me a bit. We chatted for a long while and I now consider her a friend. Weird.
As the munch dwindled down to a core group, others started batting around the idea of going to a movie (hell, we're right next to a movie theater). I watched the debate over movies unfold, a little sad. Since I had to pay rent this month, I'm left to survive on $65 dollars for two weeks. That meant no movie for me. Oh well, I still had movies at home. Would have been nice to accompany them, but I also had a busy day set for Saturday that I still needed to prep for. When I got home, I went through my toybag and made sure it was all neat, tidy and in my car. I also cleaned out my car a bit. I don't mind clothes and cluttered papers, but gum wrappers, dirt and dust can get annoying. By the time I got done with that (I had been goofing off a bit here and there, and I took an hour long nap) it was 5:00 am. Crap, time to get to bed. When I woke up, I set the alarm so I could get an extra 20 minutes of sleep in.
There were no problems at work, but some information did come to light about a student I and another tutor had been having a problem with. Now we know the whole story and are set to combat it when he comes back next time. I raced through my paperwork at the end of the day as usual and raced home. When I got home, I saw a message from my sponsor for the party tonight. They were running a bit late (yay, more time to relax and goof off) so I fixed myself a snack and putzed around online. When they showed up, it was off to the party.
OMG!!! The party rocked. Everyone I had ever met at a munch was at this thing. It started off pretty mellow and I got to chat it up with a few people I hadn't seen in a while. Then I was ordered to become a footstool. During this time, I had an epiphany. I usually abhor this kind of treatment. I feel ignored and a bit left out (I have to work while others are talking and conversing). Then, I had a breakthrough. This is exactly the kind of play that I get jealous over towards the end of a party. I see others doing it and I wish I could do that for someone. I guess I never made the connection until now. Plus, I did get to participate in the conversation. When my services as a footstool were no longer required, I got up and wandered around a bit. Déjà vu! I had been here before. It was many years ago when I was with my first Mistress. Unfortunately, she got sick toward the beginning of the evening and we had to leave without playing. (That's when I started looking out for her a lot more closely.) I met up with some other people and had a lot of good conversations. Eventually I was ordered into the hot tub, which was really comfortable, but it made me very aware of how tired I was. When I got out, I made it a point to not bother my sponsors about getting some play time in with them. I knew they hadn't played in a while and I gave them their space. Instead, I chatted some more and did a lot of people watching. I like just standing and observing the interactions around me. I'm like a sponge or something; it gives great energy. A bit later, S showed up and I, in my own cute way, got her to "get me into trouble." While other people tend to get a network of play partners, I tend to gather people that will negotiate on my behalf with someone else to get me beat on. Is that sick or what? I got exactly what I wanted. Three separate people wailed on almost every part of my body, while a fourth stood in front of me and held me up. Every play session has it's own unique flavor, and this one was definitely different. My back got a bit cut up and I have some delicious looking marks on my ass and back. More hot tubbing and food followed. It was a nice, mellow come down. I stayed long after my sponsors left (with proper permissions, of course) and got to help out with another scene (handcuffs and clothespins are always handy). I also realized that I have long gotten comfortable being naked and being around naked people. I guess part of me has matured. Getting home was a bit of a fiasco as I headed the wrong way down the street. I *could* have gotten home that way, but I wanted to use the directions that I got off of Mapquest. Once I turned around, it was a piece of cake and I was soon home (I love parties on this side of the hill.).
Later today, I have a mead tasting planned with five other friends and a potential continuation gathering at my place(basically, we all come back to my place, eat and watch a movie). Being around positive people after playing is almost a necessity now. I sometimes like the flood of sad emotion that comes, but when I can't get it to turn off or tone down, I get frustrated and even more sad and depressed (vicious cycle, huh?). That was the one thing I didn't get at the party; personal aftercare (wasn't really feasible and I'm not complaining). The hot tub was nice, but it's nothing compared to cuddling.
Right now I'm in safe mode; keeping my emotion levels down. I'm alright, I just need to be around friends, and that will happen later.