Cancer, the gift that keeps on giving
Honestly, if it is not one thing it is another with this stupid disease. Don't read this the wrong way, I am still healthy but the fact it forced me to take a year off from school only continues to rape me up the a$$ every chance it gets.
The current raping extends to the fact the year I took off put me smack dab into the double cohort. This group of people that continues to plague my existence. Why? Well... I was trying to apply to schools in the states, I had one reference letter and was just waiting on the second one before I could send it in, being the summer people are all over the place and its hard to get them done real fast. The spots were not supposed to be completely filled until around the second week of August but alas, it turns out thanks to all the people who couldn't get in this year to the schools in Ontario (like myself) they filled up two and a half months early! Now I have all my application materials and I am not sure what to do with them. And, I personally wouldn't mind taking a year off to get over this double cohort year and just work and perhaps get some practice teaching in at the same time but that does not sit well with my father. No, it does not matter that I did well in university or that I had better grades than my brothers put together or that I actually COULD go to masters if it were not for the competition there this year too (wait listed for that as well) NOOOOO to him.... I am still a bloody failure. I swear nothing I do is good enough for him...absolutely nothing. He is taking a sabbatical this coming year, he knows that sometimes it is good to take a break but the suggestion I do the same and wait for the storm to blow over means I=Failure!
The crazy thing is, my grades are good enough to get into the Masters program for the teachers colleges and those still have places left for the fall. But now it comes down to costing too much money which he forgets is still a lot less than what it cost my eldest brother to go to school. That and I can still get OSAP and bursaries and everything else to help offset the cost if I need to. It just comes down to the fact that I still don't have my license (not that it would help going across the border anyways). I keep trying to remind them that the reason I don't have my license is because I cannot drive yet without them in the car and they are NEVER around or won't let me.The only time they do is just a few minutes before the actual driving test, cause that is going to be enough practice! Yet another thing I am being slapped in the face by cancer by.
Sometimes I get the feeling that no matter what I do it just is not good enough. I mean you would think that after all I have been through I would be able to catch a bloody break once in a while but so far that has yet to have happened. And now I just want to find a hole somewhere to crawl into and wait until it is safe to show my head above ground again. :S
The current raping extends to the fact the year I took off put me smack dab into the double cohort. This group of people that continues to plague my existence. Why? Well... I was trying to apply to schools in the states, I had one reference letter and was just waiting on the second one before I could send it in, being the summer people are all over the place and its hard to get them done real fast. The spots were not supposed to be completely filled until around the second week of August but alas, it turns out thanks to all the people who couldn't get in this year to the schools in Ontario (like myself) they filled up two and a half months early! Now I have all my application materials and I am not sure what to do with them. And, I personally wouldn't mind taking a year off to get over this double cohort year and just work and perhaps get some practice teaching in at the same time but that does not sit well with my father. No, it does not matter that I did well in university or that I had better grades than my brothers put together or that I actually COULD go to masters if it were not for the competition there this year too (wait listed for that as well) NOOOOO to him.... I am still a bloody failure. I swear nothing I do is good enough for him...absolutely nothing. He is taking a sabbatical this coming year, he knows that sometimes it is good to take a break but the suggestion I do the same and wait for the storm to blow over means I=Failure!
The crazy thing is, my grades are good enough to get into the Masters program for the teachers colleges and those still have places left for the fall. But now it comes down to costing too much money which he forgets is still a lot less than what it cost my eldest brother to go to school. That and I can still get OSAP and bursaries and everything else to help offset the cost if I need to. It just comes down to the fact that I still don't have my license (not that it would help going across the border anyways). I keep trying to remind them that the reason I don't have my license is because I cannot drive yet without them in the car and they are NEVER around or won't let me.The only time they do is just a few minutes before the actual driving test, cause that is going to be enough practice! Yet another thing I am being slapped in the face by cancer by.
Sometimes I get the feeling that no matter what I do it just is not good enough. I mean you would think that after all I have been through I would be able to catch a bloody break once in a while but so far that has yet to have happened. And now I just want to find a hole somewhere to crawl into and wait until it is safe to show my head above ground again. :S