Baby Don't Cry, 14/?
Title: Baby Don't Cry, 14/?
Rating: Overall R
Pairing: Chen/Lay
Summary: Chen wants to fix Lay's broken heart. Lay is scared of using him.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13
Lay:
They say that familiarity breeds contempt. Strangely, when it comes to you, Chen Chen, it doesn’t seem to work that way. You’re addictive. I want you more and more. I miss you when I have to sleep alone, when you have a separate schedule. If you don’t smile, then there is a sinking feeling in my stomach and I start to feel like things are fucking up. Like there is no middle ground of stability.
I’m beginning to depend on you, bao bao.
If I have you, then there’s always something to come home to. I don’t have to worry about being alone because you won’t let me be alone. You will prop me up. You will hold me, let me cry if I need to, let me muffle the words I cannot speak against your mouth. You’ll fuck me into a pleasurable oblivion and I will feel better.
I won’t feel complete, but god, I’ll feel good. There’s something so sexy about the way you touch me, the way you fuck me, fill me up. I can’t think of anything else at that point because there is nothing to think about. I don’t think of him, I don’t think of the obscenely early hour we have to be up at the next day. I don’t think of how I’m not good enough. All I think of is you, and what you do for me.
I’ve never had anyone love me the way you do, Jongdae.
You croon to me in a voice that couldn’t sound more besotted if you tried. You lay your head on my shoulder and clutch my hand is if you couldn’t bear to have me escape. It’s uplifting. It’s an amazing, special feeling. I almost want to tell people to look - look at the perfect man who wants me.
I think you are nearer to perfection than most, Jongdae. I’m probably a little biased with gratitude. But I cannot help it. I can’t help but want you, I can’t help but cling to you selfishly.
And underpinning it, I cannot deny the secret desire that I’ll fall in love with you. I want to. Fuck, Chen Chen, you don’t know how much I want to love you back. It feels like it would fix everything. It feels like we’d be beyond happy if I could just - train myself to love you. Sometimes it feels like that’s inevitable. Sometimes it feels like loving you would be the easiest thing in the world.
But other days, I can’t think of loving anything, I can’t think of ever being capable of giving you as much as you give me. Those days, I hold onto you tightly and try not to cry.
Because I can’t - I really can’t - take the idea that I will never feel properly happy again. And I cannot take the crushing guilt that what I’m doing is beyond wrong. I can’t convince myself that I’m not using you.
But it doesn’t stop me from reaching for you, and it doesn’t stop me from kissing you, laughing with you, treating you like you’re mine.
So I push the guilt away until I can’t see it anymore.
Rating: Overall R
Pairing: Chen/Lay
Summary: Chen wants to fix Lay's broken heart. Lay is scared of using him.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13
Lay:
They say that familiarity breeds contempt. Strangely, when it comes to you, Chen Chen, it doesn’t seem to work that way. You’re addictive. I want you more and more. I miss you when I have to sleep alone, when you have a separate schedule. If you don’t smile, then there is a sinking feeling in my stomach and I start to feel like things are fucking up. Like there is no middle ground of stability.
I’m beginning to depend on you, bao bao.
If I have you, then there’s always something to come home to. I don’t have to worry about being alone because you won’t let me be alone. You will prop me up. You will hold me, let me cry if I need to, let me muffle the words I cannot speak against your mouth. You’ll fuck me into a pleasurable oblivion and I will feel better.
I won’t feel complete, but god, I’ll feel good. There’s something so sexy about the way you touch me, the way you fuck me, fill me up. I can’t think of anything else at that point because there is nothing to think about. I don’t think of him, I don’t think of the obscenely early hour we have to be up at the next day. I don’t think of how I’m not good enough. All I think of is you, and what you do for me.
I’ve never had anyone love me the way you do, Jongdae.
You croon to me in a voice that couldn’t sound more besotted if you tried. You lay your head on my shoulder and clutch my hand is if you couldn’t bear to have me escape. It’s uplifting. It’s an amazing, special feeling. I almost want to tell people to look - look at the perfect man who wants me.
I think you are nearer to perfection than most, Jongdae. I’m probably a little biased with gratitude. But I cannot help it. I can’t help but want you, I can’t help but cling to you selfishly.
And underpinning it, I cannot deny the secret desire that I’ll fall in love with you. I want to. Fuck, Chen Chen, you don’t know how much I want to love you back. It feels like it would fix everything. It feels like we’d be beyond happy if I could just - train myself to love you. Sometimes it feels like that’s inevitable. Sometimes it feels like loving you would be the easiest thing in the world.
But other days, I can’t think of loving anything, I can’t think of ever being capable of giving you as much as you give me. Those days, I hold onto you tightly and try not to cry.
Because I can’t - I really can’t - take the idea that I will never feel properly happy again. And I cannot take the crushing guilt that what I’m doing is beyond wrong. I can’t convince myself that I’m not using you.
But it doesn’t stop me from reaching for you, and it doesn’t stop me from kissing you, laughing with you, treating you like you’re mine.
So I push the guilt away until I can’t see it anymore.