Baby Don't Cry, 10/?
Title: Baby Don't Cry, 10/?
Rating: Overall R
Pairing: Chen/Lay
Summary: Chen wants to fix Lay's broken heart. Lay is scared of using him.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9
Lay:
Jongdae…
Please don’t fall asleep on me. I just want to hang onto you for a little bit longer.
It’s wrong. Of course it’s wrong. I’ve just slept with you as a rebound. That’s…probably one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. The most selfish thing I’ve ever done.
And yet, I can’t take it back. I cannot take it back and feel all the guilt that I should be feeling. No. All I feel is a sensation of being wanted. And Jongdae, I haven’t felt that way for so long. It’s almost novel. It’s certainly addicting.
I’m pretty sure I could get addicted to the way you kiss.
With you, there is no question that I am special to you. There is no wondering if I’m boring, or if perhaps you’d rather be somewhere else. There’s no fear that you’re looking elsewhere. You are just Jongdae. One of my best friends.
And now you say you love me.
I can’t pretend I know why, Jongdae. All I can say is that I like it.
Yes, I like it. I like being wanted, I love being loved. It’s making that tight ball of hurt and humiliation feel a little less heavy.
But…at what cost? I feel like this because I fucked you? How is that right? How is that fair?
Don't, Chen Chen. I am aware that you offered yourself as a way to make myself feel better. But I could have - should have refused. I should have said that I was in no place to play the rebound game. I should have told you to move on and love someone who can give you all those feelings back tenfold - that’s what you deserve, Jongdae. Someone who can love you, and you only.
Am I a bad person for secretly wanting you to carry on loving me? Chen, I…it’s a question I shouldn’t ask.
But I can’t help it. I just want to hold you in my arms and bury my face in your chest, your hair, any part of you that hides me from the world. I want to kiss you until you smile for me, and I want it to feel like this is normal. Like we’re together, and we kiss and we make love because we care so much about each other it spills into everything.
I’m a hypocrite for wanting it. That’s what you want. That’s what I thought I had.
And then he left.
But you wouldn’t leave me, would you Chen Chen? You wouldn’t sleep with someone behind my back and think nothing of it? You wouldn’t make me cry?
I want to say you to say yes to all of those things so I have the excuse to kiss you again in gratitude. I want you to hold me tight again and whisper that you love me when I make you come.
And most of all, I want to be able to return those feelings for you.
But make-believe will do, if only for one night.
I can’t do this again.
You deserve so much more, bao bao.
Next
Rating: Overall R
Pairing: Chen/Lay
Summary: Chen wants to fix Lay's broken heart. Lay is scared of using him.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9
Lay:
Jongdae…
Please don’t fall asleep on me. I just want to hang onto you for a little bit longer.
It’s wrong. Of course it’s wrong. I’ve just slept with you as a rebound. That’s…probably one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. The most selfish thing I’ve ever done.
And yet, I can’t take it back. I cannot take it back and feel all the guilt that I should be feeling. No. All I feel is a sensation of being wanted. And Jongdae, I haven’t felt that way for so long. It’s almost novel. It’s certainly addicting.
I’m pretty sure I could get addicted to the way you kiss.
With you, there is no question that I am special to you. There is no wondering if I’m boring, or if perhaps you’d rather be somewhere else. There’s no fear that you’re looking elsewhere. You are just Jongdae. One of my best friends.
And now you say you love me.
I can’t pretend I know why, Jongdae. All I can say is that I like it.
Yes, I like it. I like being wanted, I love being loved. It’s making that tight ball of hurt and humiliation feel a little less heavy.
But…at what cost? I feel like this because I fucked you? How is that right? How is that fair?
Don't, Chen Chen. I am aware that you offered yourself as a way to make myself feel better. But I could have - should have refused. I should have said that I was in no place to play the rebound game. I should have told you to move on and love someone who can give you all those feelings back tenfold - that’s what you deserve, Jongdae. Someone who can love you, and you only.
Am I a bad person for secretly wanting you to carry on loving me? Chen, I…it’s a question I shouldn’t ask.
But I can’t help it. I just want to hold you in my arms and bury my face in your chest, your hair, any part of you that hides me from the world. I want to kiss you until you smile for me, and I want it to feel like this is normal. Like we’re together, and we kiss and we make love because we care so much about each other it spills into everything.
I’m a hypocrite for wanting it. That’s what you want. That’s what I thought I had.
And then he left.
But you wouldn’t leave me, would you Chen Chen? You wouldn’t sleep with someone behind my back and think nothing of it? You wouldn’t make me cry?
I want to say you to say yes to all of those things so I have the excuse to kiss you again in gratitude. I want you to hold me tight again and whisper that you love me when I make you come.
And most of all, I want to be able to return those feelings for you.
But make-believe will do, if only for one night.
I can’t do this again.
You deserve so much more, bao bao.
Next