The Pure Heart of Kahlan Amnell; A Fanmix
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01; Prove You Wrong - James Butterworth
by thedawn
But it’s my life and I can’t let you be the voice inside my head
It’s true that maybe I won’t make it there, but I have to try
It feels like betrayal.
Kahlan knows it's the right choice - the only choice - for her and for Dennee, but that doesn't stop the guilt. Her father's voice echoes in her mind, sharp words designed to cut deep into her soul. She's a monster, a creature of vile magic; it's her duty to return everything her mother so cruelly stole from him, and now she's abandoning him in his hour of need, ungrateful for everything he's provided.
The worst part is that she believes him. If it weren't for Dennee, she might stay with him forever, constantly seeking his approval, always hoping that one day he might look on her with pride, rather than revulsion. But while Kahlan may believe herself a monster, she could never think it of her precious little sister. It's for Dennee that she does this.
Dennee is too young to remember him as he was, before Mama died. Kahlan still remembers the smiling man who would tickle her until she squealed for him to stop; the kind, gentle father who would wrap her up in his arms, tuck her and her sister into bed at night with a soft kiss on each tiny head. All Dennee knows of him is the angry man with the fearful eyes, the harsh bite of rope around her wrists.
Kahlan knows this is the right choice, but leaving her father behind is one of the hardest things she's ever had to do.
02; Stand in the Rain - Superchick
by angel_in_tears
So stand in the rain, Stand your ground, Stand up when it's all crashing down,
You stand through the pain, You won't drown,
And one day, what’s lost can be found, You stand in the rain
Kahlan ran. Each step, every heartbeat, thudded in her head. She needed to run, she needed the space, the distance. A way to escape from all the damage she had done. She had almost lost control, almost confessed Richard. She had felt her powers itching her, wanting release. So she had taken the easy way out. She had pushed Richard away and ran.
Why?
The thought echoed through her head. Why was she running? She was stronger than this. So many years, she had been able to control herself. Taking a deep breath, she slowed, thoughts running through her mind. She was stronger than this, but she had never felt like this before. She loved Richard. She loved him so much that it hurt, because she knew she could never be with him.
Zedd trusted her. When she had voiced her doubts to him, he had just smiled and squeezed her shoulder gently. He had told her that he had faith that she would always do the right thing. But what was the right thing?
Kahlan heard voices and the sounds of people moving through the bush. Richard and Zedd were looking for her. She stayed, waiting for them to arrive. From now on, she would keep away from Richard. No matter how much it hurt. She would not allow herself to fall again. She would not allow herself the luxury of love.
03; Hold On - Sarah McLachlan
by confessorlove
Hold on
Hold on to yourself
For this is gonna hurt like hell.
Hold on
Hold on to yourself.
You know that only time can tell
“If there’s one thing I learned from Denna, it’s how to suffer in silence.”
His words haunted her as she lay awake that night. Admitting her feelings had been the hardest thing she had ever done. She had always been trained to keep that part of her locked away but now she could feel her walls slipping.
She had made her choice. She had told Richard the truth. Now she had to deal with the consequences. Only time would tell if she made the right choice. There was no going back. She was strong. She could handle these feelings without losing herself. She was more than her feelings for a man. She was a confessor.
“I can do this,” she whispered to herself as she watched the rise and fall of Richard’s chest with each breath he took.
It seemed cruel that she could feel these things and never act on them. That hurt more than anything. The burden of her power was too great. She couldn’t wish it on anyone. Closing her eyes Kahlan whispered a prayer to the Creator to give them strength. They would need it.
Seeing each other every day and never touching. His smiles always brought a light to her eyes and she didn’t want to lose it. But she feared losing Richard to her love even more. She just hoped he was as strong as she thought he was. If she was right, this would hurt them both more than anything Denna did to him. It was torture having to deny her feelings and he felt it too.
It ate at her but she focused. As sleep came, Kahlan focused on holding on to herself. She wouldn’t let this destroy everything she had worked for. She was stronger than that. They both were. Of that she was sure.
04; It’s the Fear - Within Temptation
by thedawn
I fear who I am becoming,
I feel that I am losing the struggle within
I can no longer restrain it,
My strength, it is fading
I have to give in
When the collar snaps closed around her neck, Kahlan expects the sudden hollow feeling, the absence of the magic that has flowed through her veins since childhood. It feels empty, wrong.
It feels like peace.
From the moment she was taught to control her power, she's been fighting. It flows through her as easily as her lifesblood, and only constant vigilance keeps it from escaping, from obliterating the free will of whatever fool dares venture close enough to touch.
But she has always been able to control it. A lifetime of practice has trained her to hold back without conscious thought, and Kahlan had grown confident in her ability. Too confident.
The Con Dar is like nothing Kahlan has ever experienced. It consumes her, replaces her with a savage, bloodthirsty beast. When it begins to boil in her veins, this dark, living power, giving in becomes less of a choice and more of an inevitability. She thought she had known fear before, but nothing can compare to the wild chaos of the Con Dar, the complete loss of control.
She almost destroyed Corah. If Richard hadn't been there, hadn't stopped her...
Kahlan is dangerous. She's always known it, but this power that has awakened within her has made it clearer than ever. Putting the Rada'Han around her neck feels too easy, feels like cheating, but there's no other way. She can't - won't - allow her power to inadvertently destroy another person.
When the collar snaps closed around her neck, Kahlan knows what it is to be without fear.
05; One More - Superchick
by synergyfox
It feels like I have lost this fight
They think that I am staying down
But I'm not giving up tonight
Tonight the wall is coming down
Blue eyes scanned her surroundings as she leaned against the balustrade of the balcony overlooking the People’s Palace.
D’Hara.
This was her home now.
These were her people.
A sigh escaped her as she surveyed the harsh stone - how she longed to be in Aydindril in a dress of white. D’Haran red did not suit her and it never would, but in this world without Richard or Zedd to pull her through it was all she had.
At least for now.
Her hand fell to stomach, swelling each day with the life of an unborn Confessor.
A sacrifice for the good of many - something Confessors were quite accustomed to. Kahlan’s eyes fluttered shut as she brushed her fingertips against her baby bump, she would never find happiness if this did not work.
So many years.
So much planning.
All to give Richard a chance and her a small piece of hope; a small piece of hope that kept her going from day-to-day in this new life.
Kahlan took a calming breath, a mask of stone settling on her features - the look of the cold Lady Rahl, something once reserved primarily for confession. It was her personal armor, her only method of protection.
If she did not survive long enough to provide Richard with the magic needed - her daughter would.
06; Circus - Britney Spears
by angel_in_tears
All the eyes on me in the center of the ring, just like a circus
Kahlan stared at the Sisters of the Dark surrounding her, eyes narrowed in anger. Her horse reared, just as dacras swung through the air, slicing the spot she had just been in. She didn’t need this. She needed to get to Richard, and now.
Diving off her horse, she knelt just as another dacra flew above her head. Standing, she glared at the Sisters, reaching out her hands to confess them. The power that the Con Dar gave her flew easily at her prey. Quickly, she commanded them to kill their Sisters.
Smirking, she began to attack the remaining ones, throwing them into each other and taking their legs out from under themselves. She could hear Richard fighting also, and she fought to kill the Sisters, to get to him at last.
They fell before her, none could stand the rage of the Mother Confessor. And Richard, that fool even helped to kill one that would have stabbed her.
Standing, she smirked, turning on Richard. The battle would was won. She would obey her Mistress. Prophecy would be diverted.
07; Fighter - Christina Aguilera
by synergyfox
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Fathers.
The one person in the entire world you were meant to be able to go to for anything, no matter how big or how small.
Someone who was meant to protect you.
The one man you could rely on - always.
Something she and Dennee never had - their father nearly destroyed them; he crushed their spirits and will.
Bound their hands and forced them to confess those he saw fit.
A cruel and misguided man.
After escaping her father with her little sister so many years ago it had been difficult to trust men. She truly thought she never would again.
Yet here she was in the company of an aging Wizard of the First Order, the Seeker of Truth and a Mord’Sith. Two males and a woman emotionally detached enough to qualify working together to find the Stone of Tears.
Granted, at the moment they were working on finding a way to break the Maternity Spell placed on her by Sister Nicci.
Kahlan closed her eyes, her body was sore from whatever had happened with Nicci.
The moments leading up to seeing her father again had been filled with dread in her heart, weighing each footfall down - pulling her back.
Her mind told her she was safe, Cara protected her as she protected Richard - no harm would to her at her father’s hand (Nicci on the other hand… well that was powerful magic at work).
She took a breath and braced herself.
08; Blinding - Florence & The Machine
by angel_in_tears
Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber
Until I realise that it was you who held me under
All she could see was red. Lost in her own private dance with death, swinging past Sisters of the Dark with barely a thought. None could harm her. None would stop her reaching her goal. It was all consuming - she had to please her Mistress.
And then her heart stopped. She had failed. The Keeper was descending into the underworld, Stone of Tears in hand. The Seeker had fulfilled his prophecy. Rage boiled in her veins, a scream tore from her throat. How dare he, how dare he give in? How dare he just hand the Stone away, like it was a toy.
She turned, dagger gripped firmly in her hand. Dimly she could hear the Seeker pleading, something about love, and it’s not you. Ignoring him, she thrust her dagger into his heart, smiling in vicious pleasure as he dropped to the ground. She had managed to fulfil part of her Mistresses wishes.
And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack, All around the world was waking, I never could go back, Cos all the walls of dreaming, they were torn right open, And finally it seemed that the spell was broken
Suddenly she dropped to the ground, her blood cooling, vision turning to normal. Becoming Kahlan. Seeing Richard on the ground, she screamed in horror.
What have I done?
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Credits;
angel_in_tears: Song Suggestion, Drabbles
confessoralana: Song and Title Suggestions
confessorlove: Song Suggestion, Drabble, Assembling Fanmix
hrhrionastar: Theme and Song Suggestion
muses_mistress: Front and Back Covers
nasmadie: Song and Title Suggestions
shan_3414: Song Suggestion
synergyfox: Song Suggestion, Drabbles
thedawn: Song Suggestions, Drabbles
theonlyspl: Theme Suggestion