The Beast Howls in My Veins
Title: The Beast Howls in My Veins
Author: confessorlove
Rating: PG
Pairing: implied Richard x Kahlan
Summary: Kahlan has some very important lessons for her oldest daughter. Perhaps it is time she can learn something for herself as well.
Author's Notes: Written for the rewatch/review challenge on legendland for 1x15 Conversion. I'm apologizing for quality since I am putting off homework to get this thing in before the deadline. Oops.
Explaining the powers of Confession to her daughters was always something Kahlan struggled with. Her mother had been lost when she was just a few years older than Kayla. It was hard to imagine all the things her mother had not had the chance to teach her. Kahlan wished that she had her mother for guidance but that was one thing that could never be changed. She was the Mother Confessor and she was on her own. There was nothing she could do save use her instincts and hope they were correct. It was a challenge but for her children Kahlan would try. She would do anything for them.
Smiling to herself she rested her hand on her barely swollen belly where their fourth child grew. Kahlan had not expected this one but she was happy none the less. Perhaps by the time this child would need confessor training she would have a better handle on what to say. At least that was Kahlan’s hope. Her oldest daughter was nearing ten summers and it was past the time she was told about the dark side of confessor magic. It was that instinctive beast that could consume you and take you over at a moment’s notice. Kahlan remembered vividly each and every time the blood lust consumed her. Twice for Richard, once for Dennee and once for Nicci despite how much she wished that had never happened. There was no changing the past.
Today Rebecca’s lesson was on the Con’Dar. Kahlan just hoped she wasn’t too young to understand. Kahlan had been in her twenties when she first experienced the Blood Rage and the memories still haunted her. She’d been an animal, a monster without control. So close she’d been to stealing Richard’s soul away and then where would they be? Their mission would have failed and nothing would be as it is now. It was pure luck that he had been able to draw her away from the rage. Although, thinking back on it perhaps it hadn’t been luck. Maybe it was love.
Kahlan was startled from her thoughts when she heard someone at the doorway. Lifting her gaze from the parchments scattered all over her desk, Kahlan couldn’t help but smile. Her daughter was growing more and more beautiful with each passing day. A wisp of the chestnut colored hair she had inherited from her father fell in her warm brown eyes in such a way that Kahlan was immediately reminded of Richard. Rebecca truly was his daughter. “Ready for your lesson, Becca?”
Rebecca nodded slightly but Kahlan could see confusion etched on the young girl’s face. “Why are Lyra and Kayla not having lessons with us today?”
Smiling softly Kahlan folded her hands and rested them on top of her desk. Her piecing blue gaze was trained on her daughter in a most loving way. “Do you remember the first time I took you too the dungeons to witness me giving a Confession?” When Rebecca nodded Kahlan continued. “That was something important for you to experience once you were old enough. The lessons for today your sisters are too young for.”
“What’s the lesson, Mom?”
“I need to tell you about and ancient part of our magic. It’s instinctual and it’s nearly impossible to control.” Sighing, Kahlan ran her fingers through her dark hair and shook her head slightly. “It’s complicated, powerful and only the strongest confessors have access to this power.”
Rebecca frowned as she sat in the chair opposite her mother’s desk. “What is it?”
“The Con’Dar. It means blood rage and it’s completely uncontrollable.” Kahlan closed her eyes for a brief moment before meeting her daughter’s gaze once more. “It is something that can be brought out in defense of others or for vengeance. You cannot use it for yourself. It has to be about someone else.”
“Have you ever done this?” Rebecca seemed to be understanding but Kahlan was still worried.
“A few times. It was always because of someone else. I either felt it was my duty to protect them or my duty to get justice for them.” The first time was the one seared into her memory the most. Kahlan could still remember being strapped down like some animal and feeling helpless. There was nothing she could do and Richard was in danger. It was her duty to protect the Seeker and that was what she was going to do no matter what.
“For Daddy?” The simplicity of Becca’s statement completely threw Kahlan. Looking into her daughter’s eyes she noticed for the first time how perceptive the girl was. How she had missed understanding that before now was completely beyond Kahlan.
Nodding slightly, Kahlan smiled. “Yes, for Daddy.” She was glad that Rebecca seemed to be understanding at least a little of what this meant. “I can’t teach you to control this, Rebecca. It’s something you will need to learn on your own. I still do not fully understand how to control it.” When her daughter’s face seemed to be shadowed with confusion once more, Kahlan smiled softly. “I can offer you one bit of advice though.”
Rebecca’s eyebrow rose as she looked up at her mother. “What is it?”
Kahlan hated that she needed to burden her daughter with this knowledge but there was no other way. “Remember that when you are in the grip of the Con’Dar you are not yourself. You are a danger to everyone around you including those you love.” A look of panic crossed Rebecca’s face and Kahlan rose from her chair, walking quickly to embrace her oldest child. “So you need to learn to control it. It might be hard and it might take a long time but you can fight that darkness. There is no other choice.” Looking down into her daughter’s warm brown eyes, Kahlan lovingly ran her fingers along the young girl’s face. “Do you understand, Rebecca?”
The girl nodded. “I need to embrace it in order to control it.”
“Exactly. There is a monster inside us all. How we learn to control that beast is up to us. You have to take the initiative to try or else you will never succeed.” Kahlan truly hoped that her daughter would listen to her but until then she would just listen to her own advice. For years she’d been fighting against that hidden darker power. Now was finally the time to embrace it. After all, you cannot control what you do not understand. It’s impossible but with focus and working together perhaps she can learn alongside her daughters. That thought gave her hope for the future. Perhaps the next generation would have a greater understanding than she ever had. That was a goal worth striving for.
Author: confessorlove
Rating: PG
Pairing: implied Richard x Kahlan
Summary: Kahlan has some very important lessons for her oldest daughter. Perhaps it is time she can learn something for herself as well.
Author's Notes: Written for the rewatch/review challenge on legendland for 1x15 Conversion. I'm apologizing for quality since I am putting off homework to get this thing in before the deadline. Oops.
Explaining the powers of Confession to her daughters was always something Kahlan struggled with. Her mother had been lost when she was just a few years older than Kayla. It was hard to imagine all the things her mother had not had the chance to teach her. Kahlan wished that she had her mother for guidance but that was one thing that could never be changed. She was the Mother Confessor and she was on her own. There was nothing she could do save use her instincts and hope they were correct. It was a challenge but for her children Kahlan would try. She would do anything for them.
Smiling to herself she rested her hand on her barely swollen belly where their fourth child grew. Kahlan had not expected this one but she was happy none the less. Perhaps by the time this child would need confessor training she would have a better handle on what to say. At least that was Kahlan’s hope. Her oldest daughter was nearing ten summers and it was past the time she was told about the dark side of confessor magic. It was that instinctive beast that could consume you and take you over at a moment’s notice. Kahlan remembered vividly each and every time the blood lust consumed her. Twice for Richard, once for Dennee and once for Nicci despite how much she wished that had never happened. There was no changing the past.
Today Rebecca’s lesson was on the Con’Dar. Kahlan just hoped she wasn’t too young to understand. Kahlan had been in her twenties when she first experienced the Blood Rage and the memories still haunted her. She’d been an animal, a monster without control. So close she’d been to stealing Richard’s soul away and then where would they be? Their mission would have failed and nothing would be as it is now. It was pure luck that he had been able to draw her away from the rage. Although, thinking back on it perhaps it hadn’t been luck. Maybe it was love.
Kahlan was startled from her thoughts when she heard someone at the doorway. Lifting her gaze from the parchments scattered all over her desk, Kahlan couldn’t help but smile. Her daughter was growing more and more beautiful with each passing day. A wisp of the chestnut colored hair she had inherited from her father fell in her warm brown eyes in such a way that Kahlan was immediately reminded of Richard. Rebecca truly was his daughter. “Ready for your lesson, Becca?”
Rebecca nodded slightly but Kahlan could see confusion etched on the young girl’s face. “Why are Lyra and Kayla not having lessons with us today?”
Smiling softly Kahlan folded her hands and rested them on top of her desk. Her piecing blue gaze was trained on her daughter in a most loving way. “Do you remember the first time I took you too the dungeons to witness me giving a Confession?” When Rebecca nodded Kahlan continued. “That was something important for you to experience once you were old enough. The lessons for today your sisters are too young for.”
“What’s the lesson, Mom?”
“I need to tell you about and ancient part of our magic. It’s instinctual and it’s nearly impossible to control.” Sighing, Kahlan ran her fingers through her dark hair and shook her head slightly. “It’s complicated, powerful and only the strongest confessors have access to this power.”
Rebecca frowned as she sat in the chair opposite her mother’s desk. “What is it?”
“The Con’Dar. It means blood rage and it’s completely uncontrollable.” Kahlan closed her eyes for a brief moment before meeting her daughter’s gaze once more. “It is something that can be brought out in defense of others or for vengeance. You cannot use it for yourself. It has to be about someone else.”
“Have you ever done this?” Rebecca seemed to be understanding but Kahlan was still worried.
“A few times. It was always because of someone else. I either felt it was my duty to protect them or my duty to get justice for them.” The first time was the one seared into her memory the most. Kahlan could still remember being strapped down like some animal and feeling helpless. There was nothing she could do and Richard was in danger. It was her duty to protect the Seeker and that was what she was going to do no matter what.
“For Daddy?” The simplicity of Becca’s statement completely threw Kahlan. Looking into her daughter’s eyes she noticed for the first time how perceptive the girl was. How she had missed understanding that before now was completely beyond Kahlan.
Nodding slightly, Kahlan smiled. “Yes, for Daddy.” She was glad that Rebecca seemed to be understanding at least a little of what this meant. “I can’t teach you to control this, Rebecca. It’s something you will need to learn on your own. I still do not fully understand how to control it.” When her daughter’s face seemed to be shadowed with confusion once more, Kahlan smiled softly. “I can offer you one bit of advice though.”
Rebecca’s eyebrow rose as she looked up at her mother. “What is it?”
Kahlan hated that she needed to burden her daughter with this knowledge but there was no other way. “Remember that when you are in the grip of the Con’Dar you are not yourself. You are a danger to everyone around you including those you love.” A look of panic crossed Rebecca’s face and Kahlan rose from her chair, walking quickly to embrace her oldest child. “So you need to learn to control it. It might be hard and it might take a long time but you can fight that darkness. There is no other choice.” Looking down into her daughter’s warm brown eyes, Kahlan lovingly ran her fingers along the young girl’s face. “Do you understand, Rebecca?”
The girl nodded. “I need to embrace it in order to control it.”
“Exactly. There is a monster inside us all. How we learn to control that beast is up to us. You have to take the initiative to try or else you will never succeed.” Kahlan truly hoped that her daughter would listen to her but until then she would just listen to her own advice. For years she’d been fighting against that hidden darker power. Now was finally the time to embrace it. After all, you cannot control what you do not understand. It’s impossible but with focus and working together perhaps she can learn alongside her daughters. That thought gave her hope for the future. Perhaps the next generation would have a greater understanding than she ever had. That was a goal worth striving for.