Stop The World
Title: Stop The World
Chapter: 9
Characters: Richard, Kahlan, Zedd, Cara, Others (Originals)
Rating: NC17/R
Timeline: During season 2
Summary: After waking up in an unfamiliar place, Richard must fight to save not only himself, but the life and honor of the Mother Confessor, facing a bigger challenge than he ever imagined.
Paring: Kahlan/Richard; Richard/Other; Kahlan/Other
Story Type: Drama/Romance
Word Count: 4,338
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING. I simply play with them as toys. *Evil Laughter*
Author's Note: HUGE thanks to @StinaJane and @ConfessedByBR for being awesome BETAs!! *hugs*
Comments are awesome folks!
They hadn't left the room, she didn't want to. She knew that the moment they opened the door, they would be separated and she wasn't ready for that yet. Richard had remained quiet for the past hour, listening as she tried to explain why she had not told anyone else who the father of her child was. She was leaning back in his arms, her back pressed against his chest as he sat against the bed. She held his arms around her, resting just above her belly as his fingers did a slight dance on the skin.
"We can never tell them can we?"
"I want to."
"But we can't, can we? If they found out-"
"I don't believe they would take her from us, they wouldn't dare."
"What changed your mind?"
Turning her head, she looked back at him. "You. She is yours and that changes everything. They were afraid of Darken Rahl bringing a male Confessor to be born; they feared the darkness of the child, of his magic. I don't believe our child would be that way. They would have no reason to fear her." She smiled after a moment and turned away, leaning back against him once more. "They will know as she grows. She has your magic, there is no hiding that."
"We don't have to tell them, Kahlan."
"Yes we do," she said quickly. "I've wanted to tell everyone I've walked past."
Tightening his arms around her, he smiled into her hair. "Me too."
"We can tell them before dinner."
He gave a light laugh and leaned his head back against the bed. "We could tell them now," he offered. Taking his hands she slowly began moving them over her. "You're right, I don't think now would be a good time."
She moaned softly as his body began to respond to her actions. Shifting above him, Kahlan pushed the blanket from her and slowly turned her head. He kissed her instantly, abandoning her breasts for her cheeks in an attempt to help turn her around. The last time she had sat above him like this, in the bathtub, replayed in his mind, reminding him of his unending desire for her. She pushed against him, rocking in pleasure as she tried desperately to keep from losing control.
Breaking their kiss, he pushed his forehead against hers and gasped for a breath. Grabbing her hips, he slowed her rocking to a slight halt as he turned his head to keep her from kissing him again. "If you keep doing that, I'm not going to be able to stop." She could feel him against her, aroused and unable to be released. She hated not being able to give him what he needed, what she wanted to give him. Smiling, he lifted her from the floor and carried her around to the bed. "Here,"
Kicking off his pants, he crawled naked under the covers and pulled her into his arms until she was nearly on top of him. It was perfect. He could feel her smile against his chest as she gently moved her right hand over his skin. She danced her fingers over him, taking the moment to enjoy the feel of his skin against the tips of her fingers. His fingers, on her back, almost perfectly matched the movements of hers on his chest. His heart pounding with the feel of her naked body against his.
"Kahlan, I've- I've had a while to think and I was hoping that we-"
Lifting her head, she grinned down at him. "What name did you like?"
"How did you know?"
"The look in your eyes when you looked at my stomach. I wanted to ask then, but I- What is it?"
"Have you thought of a name?"
Shaking her head, she lowered her chin to his shoulder. "No, I was going to wait until I saw her."
"I thought about it a lot."
"What is it?"
"Emma," he said softly. Her head lifted instantly, making him jump. "You don't like it?"
She smiled widely, heart pounding at his choice. "It's perfect."
"It is?"
Nodding, she grabbed his face and kissed him quickly. "It's beautiful."
Crawling out of the bed, she walked across the room to the wardrobe and pulled out one of her dresses. "What are you doing?"
"I can't go into a meeting with the council naked, can I?"
Richard smiled and sat up, watching her get dressed. "You're the Mother Confessor; you can do anything you'd like."
Looking over her shoulder, she grinned. "Are you coming?"
The High Council had reacted to the news the way he expected them to, but it didn't bother Kahlan. He was surprised and proud of the way she responded to them. Within moments of telling them that Richard was the father of her child, she made it clear that they weren't going to have a say in the decision to keep and raise the child together. When they told him that he was making a mistake, she remained quiet and allowed him to speak freely. The High Council laughed at him, knowing that he wouldn't be able to survive without lying with the woman beside him.
Kahlan said nothing as he tried to tell them that they were wrong, that he wouldn't leave and start a family with another. He tried to assure them that it wasn't possible, that after a few weeks, maybe months, his need would be too strong to be ignored. They were concerned that the Mother Confessor would give in to their desires and once she confessed him, she wouldn't be able to live with it. She would kill herself to release him. The couple knew the truth of their words, if they did lose control and he was confessed, she would give up her life for him.
Taking his hand, Kahlan nodded to the council and turned around, pulling him along as she walked from the room. There was nothing neither of them could say that would convince them that they were wrong. A part of her knew they could be right, but what he had said to her before; the way he had looked into her eyes as he told her that he would never leave her, she believed him more. She came to a complete stop at the door, seeming to think about where she wanted to go. It had been months since she had left the palace, there were so many things she wanted to do and show him.
"You're bleeding," he said quietly. Closing the distance between them, he turned her around and pushed her hair over her shoulders. "We need to find Zedd."
"I'm fine, it's happened before. It will stop in a few minutes."
"Kahlan," he started as she turned her head to look at him.
"All right." There was no point in arguing with him about this; he wouldn't risk anything happening to her. "But we don't need Zedd."
"This is all we can do?" Richard asked as he opened a small jar.
Dropping the top of her dress to her waist, she pulled all of her hair over her shoulder and sighed in waiting. "It was all Zedd could do that helped."
Rubbing the honey like substance over the burns, he tried to be gentle, hoping that it would help. "The bleeding stopped, but Kahlan, this is- It's... I think we should call for Zedd."
"Why?"
"Because it's worse than before," he said quietly. "Here, lay forward." He kept her hair from falling onto her back as she laid her head down on a pillow, needing to do something other than stare at her back. "Why haven't you said anything?"
"About what?"
"Kahlan, I know that this has been hurting more than usual and you've said nothing. Why?"
Turning her head, she tried to look at him before he stopped her. "I didn't want to worry you."
"I'm always worried about you."
"You shouldn't. Richard, it's fine."
"No it's not. I'm going to find Zedd." Moving from the bed, he walked to the door. "Don't move." He knew that if he didn't say something, she would redress and he wouldn't have a chance of getting her to show his grandfather.
He must have run the moment the door closed, because within a blink, he and Zedd were back. She felt uncomfortable with both men looking and touching her bare back. It only made her remember the way she had felt when Richard had brought her to the town, damaged. Closing her eyes, she remained quiet and listened carefully to everything the men said. She hadn't realized that it had gotten worse.
"When did you notice a change in the pain?" Zedd asked after a few minutes of examining the burns.
The pain had increased more than she had admitted, but after everything that she had gone through, it didn't feel like much. "When Richard arrived."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Richard asked quietly. "And don't say that you didn't want to worry me, because I won't believe it."
With a heavy sigh, she pushed her head harder into the pillow. "I thought it was nothing, that I was somehow imagining it because you were here."
The wizard knew instantly what she meant, but his grandson had to think on it for a few moments. She had gone through so much pain with him, that now that he was back, she expected more to come. Pain with Richard was inevitable. There was so much she hadn't told him, things that Zedd had learned while she was healing that he knew she would never share again, especially with the man she loved. The events of their capture had changed her in many ways, most of them, he thought were only for a while, but now he wasn't entirely sure.
"We're going to fix this, Kahlan. I promise." His voice was filled with promise, making her believe him for a moment. "You're never going to hurt again."
She gave a light laugh and closed her eyes as Zedd covered her back with more of the paste. "I'm going to give birth; you cannot shield me for that pain."
Grabbing her hand, he leaned his face down close to hers. "I can try."
"Lay still, this may hurt."
Kahlan pushed part of the pillow into her mouth to quiet her cries of pain. Richard, held her shoulders, firm and gently to keep her body from lifting off of the bed. Tears collected and fell from her eyes as her cries grew louder and louder, the pain coming close to some that she had experienced, back in their prison cell. Images flashed before her eyes, the look in Sam's eyes as he held her down to the ground and the sound of his laughter as she begged for him to stop. The taste of her own blood as he slammed his fist into her face flooded her mind in a panic blur. As far as she knew, in that moment she was back.
With all of her strength, she pushed the men from her and fell onto the floor, backing herself into the far corner of the room, away from them both. She was shaking in fear, her eyes were tinted with a white glaze and she begged desperately for them to leave her alone. Without hesitation; the Seeker moved toward her slowly, being careful not to appear as a threat. Every time he took a step closer, she pushed closer to the wall and tightened her arms around her chest.
"I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered to her as he took another step.
"You always hurt me." It was quiet, but was like she had screamed it into his ears, making him stop instantly.
Zedd laid his hand on his shoulder and sighed. "She's not thinking clearly, Richard."
"You shouldn't have come back."
"Kahlan-"
"Why did you come back?" she interrupted the wizard quickly, her voice still filled with terror and confusion. "You were free."
Kneeling down, Richard sat back on his heels and brushed the fingers of his right hand through his hair. He needed an extra moment to find the right words to say to her. "There is no freedom without you."
"Richard, she's not-"
He didn't need him to finish the sentence, he knew what he was going to say. "I know, but it's still on her mind. She needs answers; she has to understand that I can't live without her." His eyes were locked on her, watching her carefully as though he thought that she would do something to hurt herself. "Kahlan, listen to me. I will always come back to you. You are not keeping me from a life, you are my life. I need you to understand that, I love you and that's not going to change." Taking a deep breath, he inched closer to her. "You thought that I had realized that I could have a life away from you, but you were wrong. There is no life away from you, Kahlan I cannot breathe without you."
"You drive me mad, you boil my blood and every thought that I have, they are of you. It's you, only you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, waking up to see your smile. You make my heart beat." The moment he finished, he was inches from her. His hands on her knees; close to her chest. "I don't want to be with anyone else. I want you."
Her eyes were losing the cloudy film that covered them, the blue drawing him in all the more. "You can't have me."
"Why not?"
"I'm a-"
"Confessor," he finished for her. Brushing the back of his fingers against her cheek, he sighed. "Kahlan, that's not a reason."
Tears were still falling down her cheeks as she stared at him. "I'm so afraid."
"Of what?"
"Everything," she said in a breathless gasp of a whisper. The world was continuously crumbling around her and she wasn't sure what was real and what now that Richard was back, she was terrified that they had never left the prison cell.
Nodding his head, he tried to grab her arm, but she pulled away quickly. "It's all right; I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to help you to the bed."
Shaking her head, she covered her face in her hands and cried. "This isn't real." She repeated herself over and over again, softly as she continued to cry.
She struggled against him, pushing him away as he tried to hold and comfort her. Her blood stained the wall behind her as she leaned harder against it. After a few moments, he held her arms to her sides and lifted her from the floor, carrying her to the bed as she struggled against him. Calling over his shoulder, he begged the wizard for help, not wanting to hurt her in any way. Coming to the side of the bed, Zedd said something softly and instantly, Kahlan went limp and quiet.
"What happened?"
"She believed she hadn't escaped again."
"Again?" Richard asked, pulling one of the blankets over her.
With a sigh, Zedd sat down on the bed and lowered his voice to a soft whisper. "It's happened many times in the past, but I had thought she had gone through the last of it." From the look on his grandson's face, he knew he needed to continue. "As we made our way back here, she would awaken and for a brief amount of time, believe she was in the cell. She would cry out for you until I could calm her down."
"What aren't you telling me?"
"Richard, there are some things that would be best if you didn't know."
His words only made his need to know grow even more and if he didn't learn; he didn't know how he was going to take care of her? "Zedd, please..."
"When her memories began to return, I made her talk through them. I thought that it would help her put it all behind her, but instead, it pulled her in deeper. The things those men did to her, what she didn't tell you, those things are worse than anyone can imagine. I never imagined hearing any of it."
"What?" he said softly. "Tell me everything."
Zedd left Richard speechless and in tears. Hours passed and he found it impossible to move from her side, to release her hand and breathe. Kahlan hadn't told him any of the things she had told his grandfather and now he understood why it scared her so much to be with him. Sam and Timothy hadn't raped her, but their men had. It explained more than he imagined. The way she would cling to him for safety and the desperation in her kiss, it was her way of trying to find safety and a short moment of comfort. She was broken and it tore him apart.
"I killed them all, Kahlan. You're safe now. No one is ever going to hurt you like that ever again, I promise and you know me. I would never- Spirits, why didn't you tell me what they had done? Not only did they rape you, but they-" He couldn't say it out loud. The taste of it in his mouth made him sick and he didn't want to speak the words in front of her. "I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you, but you can't let this beat you. You're stronger than this and I know that it hurts, that it's painful to think about any of it, but we can get through it. Kahlan, this is just a small bump in the road. Soon, you're going to give birth to my child and we're going to have a family." Squeezing her hand, he lowered himself to the floor and laid his head down on the bed. "We're going to get through this. You're not alone." Choking back another wave of tears, he pushed his lips to the back of her hand to silence himself. She wouldn't be asleep forever and he didn't know what woman would be there when she opened her eyes. "You're not alone anymore."
As he lay there, his mind began to run through it all over again. He could see the fear, pain and uncertainty in her eyes, but he had missed it. Had he missed it? He questioned himself, or did he simply ignore it in the hopes of it getting better? She told him in everything she had done, but he missed it.
He understood why she hadn't told him. She hated feeling weak in front of him; hated that she needed him. The look in her eyes as he had held her hands after her fingers were removed replayed in his mind, further supporting his knowledge. She would never be the same woman she was before they were captured; he knew that because he wasn't the same man, but he didn't doubt that their change would help them to be closer in some way. If he was to be honest with her, he would have to tell her that those nights in that room were remembered for something other than the pain.
It was wrong, of course, but what he remembered more than anything was the feel of her skin against his as he held her in his arms. Rocking her to sleep, he felt her relax completely in his arms, showing that she trusted him. It was the moment of calm hope he felt while he held her that overtook everything else. Those moments where she allowed him to kiss her; tell her of his love, they were what kept him sane. Maybe she needed those memories.
Her hand moved and he nearly jumped from his skin. Lifting his head, he watched her face and waited for her eyes to open. He had a new plan and he was anxious to begin. No matter what happened, he wasn't going to let her down again.
"Kahlan?" He knew she was awake, even though she hadn't opened her eyes yet. "Are you all right?"
"Was it a dream?"
"No," he replied tenderly. "It wasn't."
Opening her eyes, she turned her head away from him and tried to stop her jaw from shaking in fear. "I'm sorry."
"I know." He knew better than to tell her that she had done nothing wrong. In her mind, she had done something terribly wrong and she needed his forgiveness. "I understand."
"Sometimes I forget what's real."
Nodding, he moved to sit on the side of the bed, making sure he didn't let go of her hand. "I know, Zedd told me."
She turned her head toward him quickly and pulled her hand away. "What else did he tell you?"
"Everything."
Kahlan swallowed hard and blinked away a fresh set of tears. "He shouldn't have."
"Why? Kahlan, you shouldn't have to go through this alone."
Sitting up, she pulled the blanket with her, finding it held a small amount of comfort. "Yes I do. This is happening to me. I can't burden you with-"
"It's not a burden."
"Didn't you see me?" she half shouted as she threw up her hands. "It's been happening more often and I can't hide it anymore! It's more than a burden, it's a curse and I can't let you- I will not allow you to be a part of this."
"You're carrying my child, Kahlan."
Shaking her head, she covered her mouth to drown out the cry. "How do you know? It could be any one of theirs!"
"She's not," he said quickly. "This child is ours."
"How can you be sure? There were so many of them, I can't even remember who was first and you think-"
"I know," Richard whispered. "I know that this child is mine because I love her. I've loved her from the moment I learned you were pregnant."
"Because you thought she was yours!"
"Spirits Kahlan, she is mine!" He hadn't meant to shout at her, but he couldn't stop himself. He was angry with her for thinking that the child may not be his, even when he knew she was probably right. She didn't jump or stray her eyes at his raised voice. She expected it, wanted it. "Kahlan, listen to me. It's not about blood, my father raised me as though I were his and if this child isn't mine, we will never know. I will never care, because to me, this child is ours."
"I didn't want you to know."
"I know." He frowned deeply. "You wanted me to leave, but you didn't want me to-" He sighed, grabbing her hands. "After everything that you have gone through, you didn't want to hurt me." Kahlan stared at the blanket, trying to ignore the feel of his hands holding hers. "After everything, you were thinking about me and now you have to think about you." It was something she never did, he knew her better than that, but he needed to try. "You said that this has been happening more, when?"
The look on his face told he expected an answer and wouldn't settle for anything less. "Almost every day."
"Is this the first time since I-"
"No." Her answer surprised him and she knew that it would, but he would know if she lied. "When I woke up this morning, I- For a few minutes, I wasn't sure where I was."
"What happened?"
Swallowing, she looked up at him and creased her brow. "I thought that we were back in that terrible place, I-" Kahlan looked away in shame and shook her head. "I could feel their hands on me."
"Is that what woke you?"
"I think so, I can't remember." Meeting his eyes once again, she licked her lips quickly to buy a moment more of time. "But you brought me back."
"How?"
"You were talking in your sleep. Something that you said, you- Did you really go back after you left?"
He nodded. "I had some unfinished business with one of the men."
"You killed him?"
"He threatened you."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Kahlan, you can ask me anything, always."
"Not something like this, but if I don't ask now, I- I need to know." Richard gave a slow nod, now hesitant of what she was going to ask. "If you knew what they had done before, would you still care about the child?"
He paused for a moment, knowing that she wouldn't believe him if he answered instantly. "The child is a part of you. She is a beautiful miracle from something terrible and I would love her even if there was no chance that I was the father. This child is ours and I can't begin to describe how happy I am about it."
Studying his face, she did her best to see a lie, but there was nothing. A part of her wanted to kiss him, to hold onto him and never let him go, but the rest of her wanted to shove him away for being so stupid. She did neither. Looking away, she simply nodded and pulled her hands free of his. "I'm sorry."
Moving her so that she laid down, he pulled the covers over her and sighed. "I know. Here, try to get some rest."
The moment she closed her eyes, he sat down on the floor and leaned against the bed. There was no doubt in his mind that he was the father, and he knew that she didn't doubt it either. She felt their child the moment she was created and now that she knew what the other men had done to her, it made her question everything she thought was real; everything that she felt. With some time, she would know what he knew and there the healing would begin. He just wished that he had seen her distress sooner.
Chapter: 9
Characters: Richard, Kahlan, Zedd, Cara, Others (Originals)
Rating: NC17/R
Timeline: During season 2
Summary: After waking up in an unfamiliar place, Richard must fight to save not only himself, but the life and honor of the Mother Confessor, facing a bigger challenge than he ever imagined.
Paring: Kahlan/Richard; Richard/Other; Kahlan/Other
Story Type: Drama/Romance
Word Count: 4,338
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING. I simply play with them as toys. *Evil Laughter*
Author's Note: HUGE thanks to @StinaJane and @ConfessedByBR for being awesome BETAs!! *hugs*
Comments are awesome folks!
They hadn't left the room, she didn't want to. She knew that the moment they opened the door, they would be separated and she wasn't ready for that yet. Richard had remained quiet for the past hour, listening as she tried to explain why she had not told anyone else who the father of her child was. She was leaning back in his arms, her back pressed against his chest as he sat against the bed. She held his arms around her, resting just above her belly as his fingers did a slight dance on the skin.
"We can never tell them can we?"
"I want to."
"But we can't, can we? If they found out-"
"I don't believe they would take her from us, they wouldn't dare."
"What changed your mind?"
Turning her head, she looked back at him. "You. She is yours and that changes everything. They were afraid of Darken Rahl bringing a male Confessor to be born; they feared the darkness of the child, of his magic. I don't believe our child would be that way. They would have no reason to fear her." She smiled after a moment and turned away, leaning back against him once more. "They will know as she grows. She has your magic, there is no hiding that."
"We don't have to tell them, Kahlan."
"Yes we do," she said quickly. "I've wanted to tell everyone I've walked past."
Tightening his arms around her, he smiled into her hair. "Me too."
"We can tell them before dinner."
He gave a light laugh and leaned his head back against the bed. "We could tell them now," he offered. Taking his hands she slowly began moving them over her. "You're right, I don't think now would be a good time."
She moaned softly as his body began to respond to her actions. Shifting above him, Kahlan pushed the blanket from her and slowly turned her head. He kissed her instantly, abandoning her breasts for her cheeks in an attempt to help turn her around. The last time she had sat above him like this, in the bathtub, replayed in his mind, reminding him of his unending desire for her. She pushed against him, rocking in pleasure as she tried desperately to keep from losing control.
Breaking their kiss, he pushed his forehead against hers and gasped for a breath. Grabbing her hips, he slowed her rocking to a slight halt as he turned his head to keep her from kissing him again. "If you keep doing that, I'm not going to be able to stop." She could feel him against her, aroused and unable to be released. She hated not being able to give him what he needed, what she wanted to give him. Smiling, he lifted her from the floor and carried her around to the bed. "Here,"
Kicking off his pants, he crawled naked under the covers and pulled her into his arms until she was nearly on top of him. It was perfect. He could feel her smile against his chest as she gently moved her right hand over his skin. She danced her fingers over him, taking the moment to enjoy the feel of his skin against the tips of her fingers. His fingers, on her back, almost perfectly matched the movements of hers on his chest. His heart pounding with the feel of her naked body against his.
"Kahlan, I've- I've had a while to think and I was hoping that we-"
Lifting her head, she grinned down at him. "What name did you like?"
"How did you know?"
"The look in your eyes when you looked at my stomach. I wanted to ask then, but I- What is it?"
"Have you thought of a name?"
Shaking her head, she lowered her chin to his shoulder. "No, I was going to wait until I saw her."
"I thought about it a lot."
"What is it?"
"Emma," he said softly. Her head lifted instantly, making him jump. "You don't like it?"
She smiled widely, heart pounding at his choice. "It's perfect."
"It is?"
Nodding, she grabbed his face and kissed him quickly. "It's beautiful."
Crawling out of the bed, she walked across the room to the wardrobe and pulled out one of her dresses. "What are you doing?"
"I can't go into a meeting with the council naked, can I?"
Richard smiled and sat up, watching her get dressed. "You're the Mother Confessor; you can do anything you'd like."
Looking over her shoulder, she grinned. "Are you coming?"
The High Council had reacted to the news the way he expected them to, but it didn't bother Kahlan. He was surprised and proud of the way she responded to them. Within moments of telling them that Richard was the father of her child, she made it clear that they weren't going to have a say in the decision to keep and raise the child together. When they told him that he was making a mistake, she remained quiet and allowed him to speak freely. The High Council laughed at him, knowing that he wouldn't be able to survive without lying with the woman beside him.
Kahlan said nothing as he tried to tell them that they were wrong, that he wouldn't leave and start a family with another. He tried to assure them that it wasn't possible, that after a few weeks, maybe months, his need would be too strong to be ignored. They were concerned that the Mother Confessor would give in to their desires and once she confessed him, she wouldn't be able to live with it. She would kill herself to release him. The couple knew the truth of their words, if they did lose control and he was confessed, she would give up her life for him.
Taking his hand, Kahlan nodded to the council and turned around, pulling him along as she walked from the room. There was nothing neither of them could say that would convince them that they were wrong. A part of her knew they could be right, but what he had said to her before; the way he had looked into her eyes as he told her that he would never leave her, she believed him more. She came to a complete stop at the door, seeming to think about where she wanted to go. It had been months since she had left the palace, there were so many things she wanted to do and show him.
"You're bleeding," he said quietly. Closing the distance between them, he turned her around and pushed her hair over her shoulders. "We need to find Zedd."
"I'm fine, it's happened before. It will stop in a few minutes."
"Kahlan," he started as she turned her head to look at him.
"All right." There was no point in arguing with him about this; he wouldn't risk anything happening to her. "But we don't need Zedd."
"This is all we can do?" Richard asked as he opened a small jar.
Dropping the top of her dress to her waist, she pulled all of her hair over her shoulder and sighed in waiting. "It was all Zedd could do that helped."
Rubbing the honey like substance over the burns, he tried to be gentle, hoping that it would help. "The bleeding stopped, but Kahlan, this is- It's... I think we should call for Zedd."
"Why?"
"Because it's worse than before," he said quietly. "Here, lay forward." He kept her hair from falling onto her back as she laid her head down on a pillow, needing to do something other than stare at her back. "Why haven't you said anything?"
"About what?"
"Kahlan, I know that this has been hurting more than usual and you've said nothing. Why?"
Turning her head, she tried to look at him before he stopped her. "I didn't want to worry you."
"I'm always worried about you."
"You shouldn't. Richard, it's fine."
"No it's not. I'm going to find Zedd." Moving from the bed, he walked to the door. "Don't move." He knew that if he didn't say something, she would redress and he wouldn't have a chance of getting her to show his grandfather.
He must have run the moment the door closed, because within a blink, he and Zedd were back. She felt uncomfortable with both men looking and touching her bare back. It only made her remember the way she had felt when Richard had brought her to the town, damaged. Closing her eyes, she remained quiet and listened carefully to everything the men said. She hadn't realized that it had gotten worse.
"When did you notice a change in the pain?" Zedd asked after a few minutes of examining the burns.
The pain had increased more than she had admitted, but after everything that she had gone through, it didn't feel like much. "When Richard arrived."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Richard asked quietly. "And don't say that you didn't want to worry me, because I won't believe it."
With a heavy sigh, she pushed her head harder into the pillow. "I thought it was nothing, that I was somehow imagining it because you were here."
The wizard knew instantly what she meant, but his grandson had to think on it for a few moments. She had gone through so much pain with him, that now that he was back, she expected more to come. Pain with Richard was inevitable. There was so much she hadn't told him, things that Zedd had learned while she was healing that he knew she would never share again, especially with the man she loved. The events of their capture had changed her in many ways, most of them, he thought were only for a while, but now he wasn't entirely sure.
"We're going to fix this, Kahlan. I promise." His voice was filled with promise, making her believe him for a moment. "You're never going to hurt again."
She gave a light laugh and closed her eyes as Zedd covered her back with more of the paste. "I'm going to give birth; you cannot shield me for that pain."
Grabbing her hand, he leaned his face down close to hers. "I can try."
"Lay still, this may hurt."
Kahlan pushed part of the pillow into her mouth to quiet her cries of pain. Richard, held her shoulders, firm and gently to keep her body from lifting off of the bed. Tears collected and fell from her eyes as her cries grew louder and louder, the pain coming close to some that she had experienced, back in their prison cell. Images flashed before her eyes, the look in Sam's eyes as he held her down to the ground and the sound of his laughter as she begged for him to stop. The taste of her own blood as he slammed his fist into her face flooded her mind in a panic blur. As far as she knew, in that moment she was back.
With all of her strength, she pushed the men from her and fell onto the floor, backing herself into the far corner of the room, away from them both. She was shaking in fear, her eyes were tinted with a white glaze and she begged desperately for them to leave her alone. Without hesitation; the Seeker moved toward her slowly, being careful not to appear as a threat. Every time he took a step closer, she pushed closer to the wall and tightened her arms around her chest.
"I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered to her as he took another step.
"You always hurt me." It was quiet, but was like she had screamed it into his ears, making him stop instantly.
Zedd laid his hand on his shoulder and sighed. "She's not thinking clearly, Richard."
"You shouldn't have come back."
"Kahlan-"
"Why did you come back?" she interrupted the wizard quickly, her voice still filled with terror and confusion. "You were free."
Kneeling down, Richard sat back on his heels and brushed the fingers of his right hand through his hair. He needed an extra moment to find the right words to say to her. "There is no freedom without you."
"Richard, she's not-"
He didn't need him to finish the sentence, he knew what he was going to say. "I know, but it's still on her mind. She needs answers; she has to understand that I can't live without her." His eyes were locked on her, watching her carefully as though he thought that she would do something to hurt herself. "Kahlan, listen to me. I will always come back to you. You are not keeping me from a life, you are my life. I need you to understand that, I love you and that's not going to change." Taking a deep breath, he inched closer to her. "You thought that I had realized that I could have a life away from you, but you were wrong. There is no life away from you, Kahlan I cannot breathe without you."
"You drive me mad, you boil my blood and every thought that I have, they are of you. It's you, only you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, waking up to see your smile. You make my heart beat." The moment he finished, he was inches from her. His hands on her knees; close to her chest. "I don't want to be with anyone else. I want you."
Her eyes were losing the cloudy film that covered them, the blue drawing him in all the more. "You can't have me."
"Why not?"
"I'm a-"
"Confessor," he finished for her. Brushing the back of his fingers against her cheek, he sighed. "Kahlan, that's not a reason."
Tears were still falling down her cheeks as she stared at him. "I'm so afraid."
"Of what?"
"Everything," she said in a breathless gasp of a whisper. The world was continuously crumbling around her and she wasn't sure what was real and what now that Richard was back, she was terrified that they had never left the prison cell.
Nodding his head, he tried to grab her arm, but she pulled away quickly. "It's all right; I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to help you to the bed."
Shaking her head, she covered her face in her hands and cried. "This isn't real." She repeated herself over and over again, softly as she continued to cry.
She struggled against him, pushing him away as he tried to hold and comfort her. Her blood stained the wall behind her as she leaned harder against it. After a few moments, he held her arms to her sides and lifted her from the floor, carrying her to the bed as she struggled against him. Calling over his shoulder, he begged the wizard for help, not wanting to hurt her in any way. Coming to the side of the bed, Zedd said something softly and instantly, Kahlan went limp and quiet.
"What happened?"
"She believed she hadn't escaped again."
"Again?" Richard asked, pulling one of the blankets over her.
With a sigh, Zedd sat down on the bed and lowered his voice to a soft whisper. "It's happened many times in the past, but I had thought she had gone through the last of it." From the look on his grandson's face, he knew he needed to continue. "As we made our way back here, she would awaken and for a brief amount of time, believe she was in the cell. She would cry out for you until I could calm her down."
"What aren't you telling me?"
"Richard, there are some things that would be best if you didn't know."
His words only made his need to know grow even more and if he didn't learn; he didn't know how he was going to take care of her? "Zedd, please..."
"When her memories began to return, I made her talk through them. I thought that it would help her put it all behind her, but instead, it pulled her in deeper. The things those men did to her, what she didn't tell you, those things are worse than anyone can imagine. I never imagined hearing any of it."
"What?" he said softly. "Tell me everything."
Zedd left Richard speechless and in tears. Hours passed and he found it impossible to move from her side, to release her hand and breathe. Kahlan hadn't told him any of the things she had told his grandfather and now he understood why it scared her so much to be with him. Sam and Timothy hadn't raped her, but their men had. It explained more than he imagined. The way she would cling to him for safety and the desperation in her kiss, it was her way of trying to find safety and a short moment of comfort. She was broken and it tore him apart.
"I killed them all, Kahlan. You're safe now. No one is ever going to hurt you like that ever again, I promise and you know me. I would never- Spirits, why didn't you tell me what they had done? Not only did they rape you, but they-" He couldn't say it out loud. The taste of it in his mouth made him sick and he didn't want to speak the words in front of her. "I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you, but you can't let this beat you. You're stronger than this and I know that it hurts, that it's painful to think about any of it, but we can get through it. Kahlan, this is just a small bump in the road. Soon, you're going to give birth to my child and we're going to have a family." Squeezing her hand, he lowered himself to the floor and laid his head down on the bed. "We're going to get through this. You're not alone." Choking back another wave of tears, he pushed his lips to the back of her hand to silence himself. She wouldn't be asleep forever and he didn't know what woman would be there when she opened her eyes. "You're not alone anymore."
As he lay there, his mind began to run through it all over again. He could see the fear, pain and uncertainty in her eyes, but he had missed it. Had he missed it? He questioned himself, or did he simply ignore it in the hopes of it getting better? She told him in everything she had done, but he missed it.
He understood why she hadn't told him. She hated feeling weak in front of him; hated that she needed him. The look in her eyes as he had held her hands after her fingers were removed replayed in his mind, further supporting his knowledge. She would never be the same woman she was before they were captured; he knew that because he wasn't the same man, but he didn't doubt that their change would help them to be closer in some way. If he was to be honest with her, he would have to tell her that those nights in that room were remembered for something other than the pain.
It was wrong, of course, but what he remembered more than anything was the feel of her skin against his as he held her in his arms. Rocking her to sleep, he felt her relax completely in his arms, showing that she trusted him. It was the moment of calm hope he felt while he held her that overtook everything else. Those moments where she allowed him to kiss her; tell her of his love, they were what kept him sane. Maybe she needed those memories.
Her hand moved and he nearly jumped from his skin. Lifting his head, he watched her face and waited for her eyes to open. He had a new plan and he was anxious to begin. No matter what happened, he wasn't going to let her down again.
"Kahlan?" He knew she was awake, even though she hadn't opened her eyes yet. "Are you all right?"
"Was it a dream?"
"No," he replied tenderly. "It wasn't."
Opening her eyes, she turned her head away from him and tried to stop her jaw from shaking in fear. "I'm sorry."
"I know." He knew better than to tell her that she had done nothing wrong. In her mind, she had done something terribly wrong and she needed his forgiveness. "I understand."
"Sometimes I forget what's real."
Nodding, he moved to sit on the side of the bed, making sure he didn't let go of her hand. "I know, Zedd told me."
She turned her head toward him quickly and pulled her hand away. "What else did he tell you?"
"Everything."
Kahlan swallowed hard and blinked away a fresh set of tears. "He shouldn't have."
"Why? Kahlan, you shouldn't have to go through this alone."
Sitting up, she pulled the blanket with her, finding it held a small amount of comfort. "Yes I do. This is happening to me. I can't burden you with-"
"It's not a burden."
"Didn't you see me?" she half shouted as she threw up her hands. "It's been happening more often and I can't hide it anymore! It's more than a burden, it's a curse and I can't let you- I will not allow you to be a part of this."
"You're carrying my child, Kahlan."
Shaking her head, she covered her mouth to drown out the cry. "How do you know? It could be any one of theirs!"
"She's not," he said quickly. "This child is ours."
"How can you be sure? There were so many of them, I can't even remember who was first and you think-"
"I know," Richard whispered. "I know that this child is mine because I love her. I've loved her from the moment I learned you were pregnant."
"Because you thought she was yours!"
"Spirits Kahlan, she is mine!" He hadn't meant to shout at her, but he couldn't stop himself. He was angry with her for thinking that the child may not be his, even when he knew she was probably right. She didn't jump or stray her eyes at his raised voice. She expected it, wanted it. "Kahlan, listen to me. It's not about blood, my father raised me as though I were his and if this child isn't mine, we will never know. I will never care, because to me, this child is ours."
"I didn't want you to know."
"I know." He frowned deeply. "You wanted me to leave, but you didn't want me to-" He sighed, grabbing her hands. "After everything that you have gone through, you didn't want to hurt me." Kahlan stared at the blanket, trying to ignore the feel of his hands holding hers. "After everything, you were thinking about me and now you have to think about you." It was something she never did, he knew her better than that, but he needed to try. "You said that this has been happening more, when?"
The look on his face told he expected an answer and wouldn't settle for anything less. "Almost every day."
"Is this the first time since I-"
"No." Her answer surprised him and she knew that it would, but he would know if she lied. "When I woke up this morning, I- For a few minutes, I wasn't sure where I was."
"What happened?"
Swallowing, she looked up at him and creased her brow. "I thought that we were back in that terrible place, I-" Kahlan looked away in shame and shook her head. "I could feel their hands on me."
"Is that what woke you?"
"I think so, I can't remember." Meeting his eyes once again, she licked her lips quickly to buy a moment more of time. "But you brought me back."
"How?"
"You were talking in your sleep. Something that you said, you- Did you really go back after you left?"
He nodded. "I had some unfinished business with one of the men."
"You killed him?"
"He threatened you."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Kahlan, you can ask me anything, always."
"Not something like this, but if I don't ask now, I- I need to know." Richard gave a slow nod, now hesitant of what she was going to ask. "If you knew what they had done before, would you still care about the child?"
He paused for a moment, knowing that she wouldn't believe him if he answered instantly. "The child is a part of you. She is a beautiful miracle from something terrible and I would love her even if there was no chance that I was the father. This child is ours and I can't begin to describe how happy I am about it."
Studying his face, she did her best to see a lie, but there was nothing. A part of her wanted to kiss him, to hold onto him and never let him go, but the rest of her wanted to shove him away for being so stupid. She did neither. Looking away, she simply nodded and pulled her hands free of his. "I'm sorry."
Moving her so that she laid down, he pulled the covers over her and sighed. "I know. Here, try to get some rest."
The moment she closed her eyes, he sat down on the floor and leaned against the bed. There was no doubt in his mind that he was the father, and he knew that she didn't doubt it either. She felt their child the moment she was created and now that she knew what the other men had done to her, it made her question everything she thought was real; everything that she felt. With some time, she would know what he knew and there the healing would begin. He just wished that he had seen her distress sooner.