(no subject)
community service is such a joke-
for a bit- thinking about it just pissed me off.
at the Gleaners secend harvest food pantry place..
there is a room full of food being thrown out.
because this can is dented, or this p[lastic is a little torn.
dude!
give it to people, what the hell.
all of this waste right.
and all of this food is surplus food too right?>
why is there such a huge surplus that can send trucks to these places, and so many needy,
yet we still no matter how much surplus we think we have,
we haev more.
just pissed me right the fuck off.
\
then I bull shitted with the old hens,
who make fun of people and swear,
yet in public have children in bible camps right now.
like give me a fucking hypocracy right..
jesus..
yeah that's right jesus.
so then on the way back from community service I finally confront my Dad,
about how all my rents have done since I could understand:
was make me hystarically self conscious that I couldn't achieve anything, or of myself,
and make me paranoid in expecting the worst out of everyone!
the damn fuckers raised me all fucked up,
and it wasn't until I grew into my own, even in the least ways,
that I started to realize that it wasn't my fault.
who I am now is my own doing,
but not who I was,
who I was was dictated by these damned idiots!
abrasive, brutally confrontational,
expecting dissapointment, pessimistic..
clueless people.
they call me naive to the world,
excuse me no.
nonono, not like them,
they are too oldschool to be considered aware enough to be naive.
they are well learned from what was to their times,
but not to mine.
I am aware of present world while they are caught up in what used to be theirs,
I asked my Dad not to use racial slurrs when I was within the room today,
and he refused because I was trying to change him.
I told him I had lost respect for him,
that I expected him to be able to hold his tongue to a black man,
so I expected him to hold it in front of me, as an hyonorable man.
he refused.
I told him Ryan's siblings and stepDad are black,
he didn't care.
he refused.
I told him with reference to his very close passed aware native american Grandmother,
that it was a damned good thing I was better than he,
and that I didn't hold prejudice
against those with indifference within his social heart.
what an asshole.
all he does is try to start fights,
but I'm a big girl now.
Since graduation I haven't spent more than two weeks straight in this house,
a week after graduation, a week or two mid summer,
a week before college, winter vacation,
and spring break.
fuck off dude,
I moved on,
you're pansy ass bull shit won't fly any longer with me,
no longer.
my Money still isn't here yet from my loan,
and it turns out this one I haev to make payments on like everymonth,
so I'm going to have to check into that,
and a bunch of other things.
shit is so easily retarded.
I can't even get stressed out anymore...
I'm so sadly used to it.
p.s.
my prego best friend,
still smokes cigarettes-
greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.
for a bit- thinking about it just pissed me off.
at the Gleaners secend harvest food pantry place..
there is a room full of food being thrown out.
because this can is dented, or this p[lastic is a little torn.
dude!
give it to people, what the hell.
all of this waste right.
and all of this food is surplus food too right?>
why is there such a huge surplus that can send trucks to these places, and so many needy,
yet we still no matter how much surplus we think we have,
we haev more.
just pissed me right the fuck off.
\
then I bull shitted with the old hens,
who make fun of people and swear,
yet in public have children in bible camps right now.
like give me a fucking hypocracy right..
jesus..
yeah that's right jesus.
so then on the way back from community service I finally confront my Dad,
about how all my rents have done since I could understand:
was make me hystarically self conscious that I couldn't achieve anything, or of myself,
and make me paranoid in expecting the worst out of everyone!
the damn fuckers raised me all fucked up,
and it wasn't until I grew into my own, even in the least ways,
that I started to realize that it wasn't my fault.
who I am now is my own doing,
but not who I was,
who I was was dictated by these damned idiots!
abrasive, brutally confrontational,
expecting dissapointment, pessimistic..
clueless people.
they call me naive to the world,
excuse me no.
nonono, not like them,
they are too oldschool to be considered aware enough to be naive.
they are well learned from what was to their times,
but not to mine.
I am aware of present world while they are caught up in what used to be theirs,
I asked my Dad not to use racial slurrs when I was within the room today,
and he refused because I was trying to change him.
I told him I had lost respect for him,
that I expected him to be able to hold his tongue to a black man,
so I expected him to hold it in front of me, as an hyonorable man.
he refused.
I told him Ryan's siblings and stepDad are black,
he didn't care.
he refused.
I told him with reference to his very close passed aware native american Grandmother,
that it was a damned good thing I was better than he,
and that I didn't hold prejudice
against those with indifference within his social heart.
what an asshole.
all he does is try to start fights,
but I'm a big girl now.
Since graduation I haven't spent more than two weeks straight in this house,
a week after graduation, a week or two mid summer,
a week before college, winter vacation,
and spring break.
fuck off dude,
I moved on,
you're pansy ass bull shit won't fly any longer with me,
no longer.
my Money still isn't here yet from my loan,
and it turns out this one I haev to make payments on like everymonth,
so I'm going to have to check into that,
and a bunch of other things.
shit is so easily retarded.
I can't even get stressed out anymore...
I'm so sadly used to it.
p.s.
my prego best friend,
still smokes cigarettes-
greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.