an email I just sent to my dad
I just wrote an email to my dad. I felt I needed to because I sent him a song without any explanation. I know he has trouble with abstract things, so I am wondering what he actually got from listening to the song. The song is to follow.
I want to explain that song I sent to you a while ago. I am not sure if you got it, or if it worked (played) for you, but if you haven't heard it yet, I want you to.
I have been living for a long time in pain. Pain from misunderstanding, pain from confusion, pain from distance, and pain from feeling rejection. It has crippled me to the point where it severely impeded my life. Socially, physically, mentally, financially/scholastically/employingly, and cognitively. I felt confusion and rejection from every source in my life internal and external. And I didn't know where to turn.
I have wanted to move forward for a long time, and have been frustrated out of my mind because not much gets done. I am not getting anywhere. I was so angry with you for a long time. Angry at everyone in my life that I had problems with, because I had no idea how to feel love. And this got me into a lot of trouble.
You tried to reach out to me, you tried to encourage me and participate in my life, but since I did'nt know you, you were a threat. So I passed you off, and excluded you from my life. This song is my apology to you.
I blamed you for not being at a strong enough point in my life. I lived in victim mode for a long time, and felt almost a comfort in it. It meant that I could blame other people, and not take any responsibility for my lack of progress.
This song is my apology, saying that I have more control over my life then I had thought, and that I hope that we can mend the hurt, and actually get to know each other, and love each other for who we are, where we are at, and for the fact that we both tried.
in peace and love,
"jeff"
"Hurt"
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't to do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you
I know I don't condone what he did back in the day, but I can't blame him anymore for things I do today. I haven't taken enough responsibility, because its "all his fault".
My dad has received the letter I wrote this past spring. he can't talk about it right now. I know it has hurt him. but its something I never thought I could bring myself to say. There is so much pain. I just hope we can get through it.
I hope he understands the song.
I want to explain that song I sent to you a while ago. I am not sure if you got it, or if it worked (played) for you, but if you haven't heard it yet, I want you to.
I have been living for a long time in pain. Pain from misunderstanding, pain from confusion, pain from distance, and pain from feeling rejection. It has crippled me to the point where it severely impeded my life. Socially, physically, mentally, financially/scholastically/employingly, and cognitively. I felt confusion and rejection from every source in my life internal and external. And I didn't know where to turn.
I have wanted to move forward for a long time, and have been frustrated out of my mind because not much gets done. I am not getting anywhere. I was so angry with you for a long time. Angry at everyone in my life that I had problems with, because I had no idea how to feel love. And this got me into a lot of trouble.
You tried to reach out to me, you tried to encourage me and participate in my life, but since I did'nt know you, you were a threat. So I passed you off, and excluded you from my life. This song is my apology to you.
I blamed you for not being at a strong enough point in my life. I lived in victim mode for a long time, and felt almost a comfort in it. It meant that I could blame other people, and not take any responsibility for my lack of progress.
This song is my apology, saying that I have more control over my life then I had thought, and that I hope that we can mend the hurt, and actually get to know each other, and love each other for who we are, where we are at, and for the fact that we both tried.
in peace and love,
"jeff"
"Hurt"
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't to do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you
I know I don't condone what he did back in the day, but I can't blame him anymore for things I do today. I haven't taken enough responsibility, because its "all his fault".
My dad has received the letter I wrote this past spring. he can't talk about it right now. I know it has hurt him. but its something I never thought I could bring myself to say. There is so much pain. I just hope we can get through it.
I hope he understands the song.