Erase Me 4/10
Howard took his time getting dressed. He wasn't sure what to say after Vince's bizarre accusation. Mrs. Gideon had been divorced well before she started working at the zoo. She didn't leave her place in a magazine article to talk to Howard; she certainly didn't leave her husband for him. There were a few obvious possibilities: Vince was high, had gone insane, had been replaced by a look-alike, or was under a spell. All four had happened to Vince two New Year's Eve parties in a row. One year, Vince ended up kissing his evil twin at midnight, the ultimate dream of the narcissist (and the source of a few sleepless nights for Howard).
A parallel universe? That was always possible.
Howard ran into Naboo in the hallway, as he went in search of Vince.
"Hey there, Naboo. You couldn't happen to tell me... Has there been a slip in the time-space continuum? Has Vince been cloned or brainwashed... or both? Have..."
"You're a ballbag, Howard," Naboo said, in an even and non-judgmental tone.
"I was just asking a simple question," Howard snapped, wounded by the unwarranted attack.
"And I just answered it," Naboo continued, "That's what it all comes down to, in the end."
"Yeah, well, thanks, Naboo. You've been loads of help, as usual."
Howard would never understand why Vince put so much faith in the little stoner. The man put the shame in shaman. In a crew that included Tony Harrison, Naboo was a bit of a weirdo. An impressive feat, to say the least.
xxx
Vince felt like he was literally freezing his tits off. He should have grabbed a nice wrap for his dramatic exit. Even the towel covering his hair had fallen off while he was making his way to the roof. He couldn't go back into the house until Howard found him. He needed a gesture.
A cardigan hit the side of his head.
"Put that on, you berk, it's freezing out here. And you've got wet hair," Howard lectured, as he climbed on to the roof, "Care to catch me up, sir?"
Vince looked at the moon, hoping to find some peace and confidence. Instead, he got the creepy feeling he was being eyed by a vanilla rapist. It didn't help.
"When Mrs. Gideon came to the zoo, the two of you had something straight away."
"She never paid me any mind..."
"She fell for you hard. She really loved you," Vince explained, surprised by how much it still hurt. "She left her husband for you, and you broke her heart."
Howard's eyes were shifting back and forth, he was trying to figure out the joke.
"So, she went to Naboo and had her memory altered. She went back to her husband, with no memory of the whole affair."
"That wasn't my life, that was a Jim Carrey movie," Howard explained, patting Vince's hand. "You're confusing reality and telly again..."
"But her husband remembered what happened, and in the end he couldn't deal with it and left her. So... she came back to the Zooniverse."
Vince remembered the day she returned. It had been like a bad dream. Most of the staff had quit when Bob Fossil took over, so only a handful of them knew the whole story. Poor Mrs. Gideon - Vanessa - couldn't imagine why she had ever left the zoo in the first place. It would have been funny if weren't so fucking sad.
"She literally couldn't remember your name," Vince continued, "That's why she could never remember you. Naboo said it was like a block on her brain, a no-Howard zone."
Howard was smiling, "Now it all makes sense. Can we go back inside?"
"I'm serious, Howard!" Vince cried. "It was horrible! It was the worst possible result. Least 'til you went to Naboo..."
"A good practical joke relies on simplicity..."
"But he fucked up! He made you forget everyone you'd ever loved. That's why you think you're a virgin... were a virgin. That's why you think you're a musical genius..."
"I picked up a guitar, without a single lesson..."
"You took six years of lessons! You had a crush on your guitar teacher. All the bits of your life that don't make sense, it's because a girl was involved. You don't remember any girl you loved, and you were always falling in love."
Howard scrubbed at his face. Vince couldn't help reaching out to him, trying to offer comfort. Howard looked wary.
"We can go talk to Naboo," Vince offered. "He'll tell you the same thing."
Howard was going to fall off the roof if he didn't stop squirming about.
"Who was this supposed other woman?" Howard asked, starting to sound angry, "The one who destroyed my fake romance with a married woman?"
"Never said it were a woman."
For the second time that night, Howard was able to convey a world of information in one syllable.
"Oh."
xxx
Howard dragged Vince towards the kitchen. There was nothing that couldn't be fixed with a nice cup of tea.
His brain felt like it was on fire. Vince's mad ramblings were giving him a headache.
And filling his head with strange thoughts.
He remembered Vince as a teen: his hair dry and brittle from too many colorings, his makeup awkward and a bit sloppy. His eyes showing pain even as he whispered, "S'okay, you can keep going. It don't hurt that bad."
Howard shook his head, trying to clear the non-memories.
Vince looked heartbroken. He was swimming in Howard's cardigan, looking small and vulnerable.
Howard's head was swirling with angry and hateful thoughts, words that didn't belong in his head and certainly should never be directed at Vince.
"Vince.."
He couldn't finish the thought, he was too overwhelmed with feelings of anger and resentment for the lovely man in front of him.
The man who was stroking his hair and saying everything would be all right.
Howard covered his ears and screamed, trying to block out all the noise coming from inside and out.
xxx
Vince wrapped his arms around Howard and held him tight. This Howard was so innocent. He barely remembered his childhood or his father, or any of the things that had made him hard and angry. This Howard bought Vince a lady's blouse for Christmas. This Howard cried in Gideon's Koi pond, and fought a kangaroo for love.
This was the Howard that Vince had helped to create. His Howard.
"Do you want me to get Naboo?" Vince offered.
Howard gave a bitter laugh, "I think I'll go without his help, thank you very much."
He sounded angry, but he didn't pull away from Vince. In fact, he was leaning heavily on Vince's shoulder.
"It's not so bad, Howard. Most of the things you forgot... they were a bit rubbish anyway. I mean, we can make better memories than them," Vince said, knowing he sounded ridiculous, "We had a better first time tonight than back then."
Howard's anger seemed to be melting, leaving him weak and boneless.
"Let's get you some tea, that always helps."
xxx
Vince's first kiss had been in an alley, against a brick wall. Howard had already hit six feet and Vince was barely 5'6 in heels.
"Relax," Howard kept whispering, as he tried to get Vince into a suitable snogging position, "just relax your mouth a bit."
Vince really tried, but Howard's directions were doing his head in.
Howard's hand felt enormous on Vince's arse, and his tongue seemed to take up every square inch of Vince's mouth. It occurred to Vince, he wouldn't be able to talk if his tongue were the size of Howard's.
"Quit laughing," Howard ordered. "It's putting me off."
Vince quit laughing when Howard hauled him off his feet, pinning him to the wall.
"Your lipstick tastes disgusting," Howard growled, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, holding Vince against the wall with the pressure of his hips.
"Sorry, I got some that tastes like bubblegum..."
He assumed from the tongue tickling the back of his throat, that Howard didn't want him to reapply.
xxx
Vince poured sugar into his tea until it stopped dissolving and started piling up on the bottom of the cup - the way he liked it.
"Our first kiss was behind a shop," he answered honestly, "You had just left Uni and went to work at the zoo..."
"I went to University?"
Vince sighed, "Yes, there was a girl involved with that, too."
"How old were you?" Howard asked, looking concerned. That hadn't changed. Howard had been obsessed with Vince's age then, as well.
"I was fifteen," Vince answered, honestly, "We wanted to snog to impress a couple of girls."
Howard looked concerned, "That doesn't make sense from any angle."
Howard had been moping for months over his precious Sarah (the reason he had no memory of University). Vince had managed to strike up something of a friendship with Howard via carefully planned use of public transport. Vince had been waiting for an excuse to spend time with Howard (other than on the tube), and a couple of pretty fans of "The Cure" offered the perfect opportunity.
"You fancied these two goth girls we met on the tube, and they thought bisexual guys were hot," Vince explained, feeling a bit nervous. It probably wasn't a good story to start off with.
"Goth girls? That was last year, you berk," Howard said with a roll of his eyes, "and there was no kissing involved."
Vince tried to disappear into Howard's cardigan, "Them were different goth girls. I thought it might make you remember... They were just two girls we met on the tube who were dressed all in black and had white makeup, back before it was a look you'd rock at the mall. They thought I was your boyfriend, and we played along so they'd go out with us."
"As you do," Howard smirked, before wincing in pain and rubbing his temple.
"I said we needed to practice kissing so it would look realistic," Vince admitted. "We kissed behind a shop. I'd never kissed anyone before."
Vince prepared to be scolded, but instead, he got a warm hand on his shoulder. Instead of angry, Howard looked sad.
Vince could feel himself going red at the memory. They had invited the girls to the zoo, after hours, to have a séance. He still remembered the adrenaline rush of sneaking into the zoo, coupled with Howard's proximity, and the chance of another snog.
"I already knew I was more interested in playing with girls' hair than anything," Vince admitted, "but you were all about the ladies. You were constantly falling for..."
"Anyone who showed me the slightest bit of affection?" Howard finished for him. For the first time since hearing the strange tale of his love life, Howard didn't look dubious.
"Not even sure what I was trying to accomplish, really. I just wanted you to like me, and helping you pull those girls..."
"By pretending to be homosexual?"
"Bisexual!" Vince corrected. "It was your fault, really. I was wearing really high heels..."
Howard nodded, "I can see how I was causing the confusion."
Vince ignored him, "I was wearing really high heels, and I kept getting buffeted about, and you were holding my waist so I wouldn't fall."
Vince had done everything under the sun to get closer to Howard. He could be quite grumpy for a seventeen-year-old, but Howard already had a gentlemanly streak to him. The more Vince looked like a girl, the more protective Howard became of him. He felt like a lady. The day they met the original goth girls Vince had been wearing enough eyeliner to make Cleopatra say, "Take it down a notch." Vince had been looking like a girlish Robert Smith while his towering friend physically supported him. Naturally, they had appealed to the girls. It hadn't taken any acting on Vince's part to send the message he was cherishing every touch of Howard's hands on his body. He'd been so innocent back then. He could barely imagine something more erotic than a long fingered hand on his waist as they flirted with the goth girls. He'd felt Howard getting hard against his lower back as the tube tossed them about. Howard's cock, like Howard himself, had seemed both frightening and full of erotic potential.
"We made plans to meet the girls at the zoo, after it closed..."
Howard looked indignant, "I would never have broken into the zoo..."
"Back then you would," Vince explained. "You were different then.. That's not the point, is it? The point is I said we should snog so it would look realistic if we had to kiss in front of the girls..."
Howard grabbed his head and yelled.
"I'm sorry, Howard," Vince whispered as he stroked Howard's hair, "Let's not talk about it. Tell me about your new screenplay. The one about the genius and the monkey."
Howard put his head on the table.
Vince played with Howard's curls, and willed Naboo to come to the kitchen.
xxx
He was a male Lolita, not the sad and abused Lolita of the great novel, but the sexy, making-pedophilia-seem-okay-under-the-circumstances Lolita of pop culture. His red lipstick was smeared and every time he raised an arm, he showed a little bit of belly. His tight trousers and the oversized jacked tied around his waist looked vaguely like a skirt and stockings. Every time the tube came to a stop, Vince would stagger in his high heeled boots.
Each time Howard reached out to steady the younger man, he took things a step farther. First, it was just a harmless hand on his back. Soon, he was pinning Vince against his hard-on and stroking the exposed skin of his back and hips. All the while, the kid chattered with the surly looking girls in their funeral garb. Howard normally couldn't be bothered with a girl who looked so high maintenance, but the way "Spyder" licked her lips as Howard ran his hand across Vince's belly made her seem like someone worth getting to know better.
She'd love it if Howard just bent Vince over a railing and dry humped his tight little arse. Vince would probably love it as well.
At first, Howard had been a bit uncomfortable being stalked by a minor. He'd had thoughts about men, but never imagined himself actually following through. It was Vince's mix of girlish clothing and distinctly masculine nose that kept Howard from simply changing his routine and trying another route home. He looked forward to 'running into' Vince on the tube and having the boy flirt with him. The knowledge he could pull Vince into an alley and have him at any time made him feel strong and mature. Of course, Howard Moon believed in love and romance, not shagging horny, under-aged cross-dressers. Still, it was nice to know it was out there as an option.
Sometimes he'd 'accidentally' run his hand across Vince's arse and the younger man would give a small gasp. Howard could just imagine the eager and appreciative noises Vince would make if Howard were ever to take him up on his unspoken offer.
Howard got a blowie from one of Sarah's 'friends' at a party. He'd been pouring his heart out, and she'd made the first move. He'd been disgusted by her disloyalty, but not quite strong enough to turn down an eager mouth on his cock. He'd closed his eyes and pretended it was Vince noisily sucking his dick, making slurping sounds and moaning like a porn star. He'd been so caught up in the fantasy (and the six lagers he'd chugged in an effort to stop thinking about Sarah) that he failed to warn what's-her-name before coming in her mouth. He'd mumbled an apology (he hoped), but in his mind he was still imagining how Vince would have swallowed and licked his lips instead of spitting on to the floor and saying, "It's like raw egg whites."
xxx
Howard felt like his brain was on fire. He kept getting flashes of a strange, alternate reality. His fuzzy but happy memories of his early friendship with Vince were being crowded by alien thoughts and images. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to picture Vince back then, with his ridiculous and often skimpy clothes, and silly hair. He always had lipstick on his teeth and continually forgot he couldn't rub his eyes when he was wearing an inch of Kohl eyeliner. Howard had fond memories of helping his young friend rinse out his watering eyes and helping him up when he fell over in his high heels.
How could there have ever been a time that he didn't love Vince?
"I'm sorry, Howard," Vince repeated. He was stroking Howard's head like he was a cat. The first time Howard saw Vince with an animal, he knew there was something special about his friend. He saw it well before Vince would admit it to himself.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Vince offered, "Or do you want me to put on some jazz?"
Howard couldn't help but smile. Vince offered to listen to jazz the way someone might offer a kidney: with hesitation and fear, but sincere caring.
"It's not as bad as all that," Howard joked, weakly. Vince gave a shy smile and twirled his hair, looking coquettish and demure.
"I just need some sleep," Howard announced with bravado he did not feel, "Let's just go upstairs, yeah?"
Vince turned pink, and Howard was hit with another wave of unwanted images. He impulsively reached out for Vince, pulling him to his chest and holding him tight.
"I love you, Vince." He said it over and over again, like a mantra.
Vince was wiping away tears as he steered Howard back towards their room. Howard had a million questions, but he was sure he didn't want the answers. He just wanted to hold Vince, in their bed, and let the rest of the world fall away.