Julianuary
Title: Julianuary
Author: Concupid
Pairing: Noel/Julian
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: RPF, explicit sex, drug mention, slurs, language
Summary: Noel tells Julian about Julianuary and tries to celebrate while Julian reflects on their unique relationship. PWP, but with lots of backstory and feelings.
Author's note: I am bad at PWP, so this got a bit out of control. Thank you, Bluey for reading 8,000 rough drafts of this and helping me to actually finish it before Julianuary ended! This story is naturally dedicated to all the filthy perverts who ogle Julian Barratt on a regular basis.
“Julianuary. It’s a whole month devoted to your beauty,” Noel explains, biting his lip. “Odes to your silvers, your wrinkles, your pendulous old-man balls…”
Julian laughs, but he’s already getting hard. He hadn’t been intending on sex with Fielding that day - the goal was to get words on paper - but he is reconsidering his plans. Apparently, they have found the sweet spot of seeing one another often enough to not feel shy around one another, but not quite often enough to get any real writing done. Julian does not make New Year’s resolutions, but he has a vague intention of striking a better balance in his life for 2016.
Noel crawls into Julian’s lap, non-verbally declaring that the productive portion of their day is now over. The overstuffed couch is not great for sex, and Julian only sinks deeper into the cushions with Noel’s added weight. There is nowhere else for them to go. It doesn’t matter that the house is empty; Noel and Julian will stay in the study Because. Such things require rules, if you’re going to make them work.
“I can’t imagine it would take a whole month to worship me,” Julian teases in a low tone. Noel again bites his lip. Noel has a thing for Julian’s voice when he goes deep.
“I’ve spent well over a decade on it, and I’m nowhere near done worshipping,” Noel murmurs, his lips nearly touching Julian’s, before giving him a proper kiss.
Julian knows Noel’s body nearly as well as his own. While constantly on tour, they learned to rely on each other for both quick and efficient orgasms and for the cuddly, loving sex they were missing between “real” lovers. They kissed and they fucked, but to suggest they were romantically involved was akin to saying ‘Macbeth’ out loud in a theater. Maybe nothing at all would happen, but it was not something to be risked. The fear of extinguishing their light was ever-present in those days. No one could hope to explain how grown men discussing tzatziki sauce could warrant multiple nights at the O2, yet somehow it had happened. There is no explaining the success of the Mighty Boosh, and that troubles Julian. He likes to understand things.
“It’s about time you got your own month,” Noel purrs between kisses. “I been saying it for years.”
Julian fondles Noel’s rear end through his omnipresent drainpipes and points out that he has no memory of Noel suggesting a month or even a day reserved for Julian.
“You were probably too busy checking out my hot pumpkin arse to hear me.”
Julian laughs, because the accusation is not without basis. The years have in no way diminished his appreciation of Noel’s body. Noel’s arse is a work of art.
He remembers the first time he gave Noel’s backside a proper feel-up. It was backstage, the night Julian helped Noel get a slot at one of his gigs. Julian had thought he could give Noel’s bum a cheeky squeeze and make him laugh. Instead, Noel stood still and pretended not to notice, even as Julian grew bolder. They ended up in a men’s room stall, exchanging furtive handjobs moments before Noel took the stage. They wouldn’t have their first kiss until months afterwards, and that would be in front of an audience. Part of the act. More or less.
“Besides,” Noel adds, “I spent every day worshipping you.”
There’s no point in arguing. Noel recollects those days in his own way. Somewhere between Noel’s rose tint and Julian’s dreary filter lies reality, but reality has never been a prized part of their relationship.
“I want you to fuck me, Ju. Fuck me with that big cock, Ju. Say my name all deep and creamy.”
“Noel.”
Noel throws his head back and gives an exaggerated groan. “Fuck me so hard, Julian. Fuck me and say my name like that while you do it.”
Julian laughs at Noel’s unfiltered enthusiasm, but he’s feeling more than a little hot under the collar. He loves when Noel is direct. Julian hems and haws, but Noel has very little filter between what he thinks and what he says.
Noel spent years making it very clear he didn’t want to try anal sex. He managed to squeeze it into conversations and he froze any time Julian tried to play with his arse without a layer of fabric between them. Julian wasn’t bothered, but he wondered why Noel was so high strung on the subject. Every time Julian suggested Noel top, Noel laughed like it was a hilarious joke. Every time.
Julian likes to know what things mean.
Julian let the issue drop until one day, on the Future Sailors Tour, Julian found Noel, still dressed as a nana from the show, half-asleep on a catering table. They had a talk about being exhausted and intimidated by the massive venues. They talked about drifting apart even while together day and night. They talked about the drugs Noel was using and Julian was missing. They started to kiss, and then Noel sucked on Julian’s fingers, pulled aside his pants, and whispered, “Get me ready.” That was the first time Julian topped Noel: in a rehearsal space, on a fold up table, with Noel dressed as a little old lady. The area was deserted, but someone could have walked in at any moment. They didn’t take off their clothes, just moved them enough to not be in the way. Noel lay on his back with his legs over Julian’s shoulders, biting the palm of his hand and doing his very best to be quiet, even though Noel was never quiet. The sex that night was furtive and quick, and afterwards, they giggled their way to Julian’s room and fell asleep watching a movie in bed. They didn’t discuss it, but it wasn’t awkward or strange. It was just another addition to their already indefinable relationship. They’d all but shared a brain in those days. Nothing could come between them, not as long as they were constantly in contact.
There’s a lot of awkward fumbling as they try to undress - the couch really isn’t suitable for sex - and nervous laughter turns into hysterical giggles. No one makes Julian laugh quite like Noel. He isn’t always sure why he’s laughing, but Noel taps into some childish part of Julian’s brain that does not get enough stimulation. Noel’s presence is invigorating and addictive, even when Noel is at his most maddening.
“I could take a picture of you like this and make a lot of people happy on the internet,” Noel teases, pretending to take a snapshot of Julian kicking off his pants.
“Yes,” Julian agrees. “I’m sure there are plenty of porn sites specializing in doughy, middle-aged comedians. Me and Wossy are celebrated as gods. Flabby, aging, wrinkled gods.”
Noel, now fully naked, climbs back into his lap.
“You have no idea, Julian. You should look yourself up. Them ladies are well perverted for you. I found some of it alarming. I almost stopped reading for few minutes.”
“But you kept going?”
“I might have been touching myself. Gently. In a classy way, with lotion and dimmed lights. Not like some caveman.”
“You keep it tasteful.”
“Like smooth jazz,” Noel agrees. “A classy wank for a classy man.”
Noel always puts too much faith in Julian. He trusts Julian with his career and with his talent, giving Julian entirely too much power. Noel is a beautiful, talented, charismatic rock star. Julian can get away with nearly anything as long as he has lovely Noel to smile and assure the audience there is no need to fear. They have changed their dynamic over the years, but Noel always adapts to Julian’s needs. Like water, he takes whatever shape necessary, never losing his essential self.
He is shy and demure when Julian wants to seduce him and make him tremble. He’s aggressive and wanton when Julian is feeling conflicted or unsure. The sex can be hot and sloppy, rough and angry, or sweet and tender; Noel goes along with it all, taking whatever role he is called to play.
“What kind of comments do they make about you? Hmmm? In Noelvember?” Julian teases as he explores Noel’s slim body. Noel looks sincerely shocked.
“How’d you know about Noelvember?”
“There’s one month than begins with an N. It was that or Fieldbruary.” Julian enjoys Noel’s impressed expression. He suddenly feels clever for being able to anticipate something utterly predictable. Even Julian can’t always tell where the wide-eyed guileless act ends and the genuine naivety begins. He licks his finger before sliding it between Noel’s arse cheeks and towards his tight entrance.
“I don’t look at what people have to say about me,” Noel says earnestly, pausing briefly to moan as Julian’s finger breaches his body. “Unless I’m really drunk. I look myself up drunk, and it’s never a good idea. You need that shit filtered through friends and loved ones. I don’t need to be told I look like a chubby goblin. I’ve got a mirror!”
The sexual aspect of the relationship would fall off at times, but it always returned. Julian loves holding Noel, and he always has. He loves kissing the smaller man and holding his slight frame. Noel has the kind of lovely, androgynous, elfin quality Julian had always been drawn to and a lovely, sunshiny mind. It is horrible to see Noel unhappy. Noel is worried about aging and changing and losing his appeal, and Julian wishes he could ease his mind, but he can never find the words that Noel will actually believe. Noel is eternally beautiful, but Peter Pan is having an age crisis.
Julian lets the self-effacing joke slide. There can be little doubt in Noel’s mind that he is as attractive as ever, as far as Julian is concerned. Julian is good at hiding a lot of things, but not when he’s naked.
“What friend told you about Julianuary?” Julian asks, moving his finger in gentle circles. With his free hand, Julian strokes his thumb along Noel’s cheekbone, enjoying the familiar edges and planes.
Noel laughs. “All of them. About a hundred people told me. Friends, relatives, perfect strangers. People think I can’t handle you having a month. They think I’m jealous.”
“Envious of my elegant physique, my dashing good looks…”
“Your enormous arse,” Noel adds.
“The largest in Yorkshire, sir.”
“And your old man balls.”
“The lowest-hanging in Leeds.”
“I’m glad your hair is growing back,” Noel muses while running his fingers through Julian’s hair. “That was a truly ghastly look.”
“I thought you were supposed to be worshipping me, not knocking my powerful style.”
“I’m not some random person on the internet,” Noel reminds him, gasping as Julian adds a second finger. “Fucking hell… I was celebrating Julianuary before anyone thought about making it a holiday.”
“So you celebrate by mocking me?”
“I’ve got some lube in my bag.”
“That is a far superior way to celebrate.”
Noel gives him far too much credit. Years ago, Julian was three sheets to the wind when he tore into a fellow comedian for hassling Noel. He was too drunk to remember he couldn’t fight for shit. He was drunk and angry, and for some reason, he felt Noel needed his protection. It’s all a blur, expect for the way Noel looked at him. Noel gazed up at him with so much love and admiration, and then he gave Julian a blowjob in the men’s room. To Noel, it remains a tale of Julian’s virtue. As far as Julian knows, his only accomplishment that night was, for once, actually managing to act like the man Noel imagined him to be.
Noel pulls faces and mimes a pratfall as they carefully disengage. He retrieves the lubricant and a johnny from his own bag, as though he does not know Julian keeps a stash of necessities in a locked drawer in his desk. Julian doesn’t know how he will address his strange relationship with Noel when the boys are older, but he certainly doesn’t want it to be something they stumble across. In his own way, Noel is also protective of Julian’s family life. There have been several drunken declarations from Noel along the lines of, “I swear, I will never try to fuck this up for you.”
If Noel is unsure of their relationship, Julian is likely to blame for not communicating, but he is also unlikely to change.
Noel drops the condom and lubricant on the couch beside Julian before dropping to his knees between Julian’s legs. Julian’s cock twitches at the promise of a blowjob, making Noel laugh.
“Tell your cock to cool it, will you? He is being well aggressive.”
“I have a thing for sexy goblins.”
Noel pulls a silly face before taking Julian’s cock into his mouth, and Julian’s laugh turns into a shuddery moan. Julian strokes Noel’s hair and tangles his fingers in the dark locks as Noel lightly scrapes Julian’s cock with his teeth. Noel is loud and enthusiastic when he sucks cock, and this time is no exception. Noel moans and makes wet, slurping noises as he sucks.
Noel lives on candy. During their endless road trips, Noel does nothing but eat sweeties, often in the most obscene ways possible. He moans and makes sloppy noises that inevitably get Julian too horny to focus. They have pulled over on hundreds of quiet roads for a quick blowie. Sometimes they fellate each other, but more often, Noel will get himself off while sucking Julian. It is certainly no hardship going down on Noel, but there is something incredibly hot about Noel coming while sucking Julian’s cock, as though the act enough were all the excitement Noel needed. With Noel, it is impossible to know how much is performance, but there are times when Julian is content with a bit of artifice.
Julian watches Noel for any signs of discomfort. Back in the day, Julian had known it was time to end a blowjob when Noel rubbed his jaw and griped about the girth of Julian’s cock, but now Noel knew how to hide his discomforts with moans and whispered obscenities.
Noel’s eyes are closed and his eyelashes are far too pretty for a man’s. Julian strokes Noel’s cheek and smiles when Noel nuzzles his hand like a cat. Noel has learned to put on a show, but he is still more id that ego. Julian grips Noel’s hair a bit as Noel takes him deeper with each bob of his head. He resists the urge to thrust into Noel’s throat and the urge to pull Noel back before he begins to gag. Noel brings out a lot of conflicting desires in Julian.
Julian has found men attractive, but no one has made him want to step outside of his sexual comfort zone except for Noel. Men have made rather blunt and tempting offers over the years. Noel and Julian have always had more than their share of men making advances, but they come in very different forms. Men are predatory with Noel. They start with jokes and flirty kisses, but then they keep pushing until Noel has to retreat or be backed into a corner. The men who pursue Julian are generally settled and comfortable with their sexuality. They politely offer to suck Julian’s cock and accept his answer when he demurs. There have been times when Julian has been tempted, but he prefers knowing he and Noel are faithful to one another in this aspect, even if only because Noel has no desire to repeat his previous experiences with men. In that one arena, Julian is the man who hasn’t let Noel down.
Noel is thorough, kissing Julian’s inner thighs and mouthing his testicles before jumping back into Julian’s lap. Noel’s cock is hard and leaking, and Julian is tempted to once again make the offer of having Noel top him, but Noel is leaving for the U.S. Julian doesn’t want to make this encounter awkward when they might not see one another for months. Instead, he gives Noel’s cock a few strokes before having his hand slapped away because, “You’re gonna make me come before we even get started.”
Julian lets the statement go. Now is not the time to argue with Noel’s tendency to dismiss any sex act other than penetration as somehow less significant.
Noel warms the lubricant between his hands before stroking Julian’s cock. He bites his bottom lip and moves his hips with each stroke, looking for all the world like he feels as good stroking Julian’s dick as Julian feels getting stroked. Noel has always been noisy and enthusiastic during sex, but he’s developed a more sophisticated cool over the years that Julian envies. Noel knows how to look good during sex, instead of ridiculous.
Noel takes his time, reaching between his own legs to slide two fingers inside himself. Julian is so ready, it’s an effort to remain still and watch Noel finger himself with languid movements. Julian replaces Noel’s fingers with his own, and Noel shudders in his arms.
“Christ, Julian.”
Julian smiles and adds another finger while Noel whimpers into his shoulder. He’s speaking, but the words are jumbled and muffled.
“Are you ready?” Julian asks, because he wants to hear Noel say it.
“I want you inside me, Julian. Fuck me.”
“You have a filthy mouth, Fielding.”
“Course I do, I was just sucking your cock.”
Julian spreads his fingers inside Noel, making him groan.
“Ready for my cock, Fielding?”
Noel answers by lowering himself on Julian’s erection, whimpering and moaning as he is stretched and filled. Julian resists the urge to thrust into the incredible heat engulfing him. Noel needs a few minutes to relax and be ready, so Julian lets him set the pace.
Noel has always tried to build Julian up, even when Julian was the better-established performer. Noel always played the beta, talking up Julian’s talent and playing down his own virtues. Even during sex, Noel tended to be either submissive or aggressively eager to please Julian. When things were going well, Julian tried to steer Noel towards something a bit more equal. When Julian was feeling down, he clung to Noel’s adoration like a drowning man trying to stay afloat.
Once Noel begins to slide easily up and down his shaft, Julian grabs his hips and begins to thrust upwards. Noel digs his fingers into Julian’s shoulders and turns the air blue with random profanities.
“Such a filthy mouth,” Julian muses. “You need some self control.”
“Fuck you,” Noel moans. “I’m seeing the future.”
Noel tucks his head into Julian’s shoulder, and Julian wraps his arms around Noel’s back so they are in an awkward hug. For years, they have been in a holding pattern, with Julian unable to commit to or dissolve the Boosh while Noel dodges every effort on Julian’s part to define their relationship. They have effectively skirted a real discussion and real work so they can snuggle and fuck like lovesick kids. Their movements are awkward and stunted, but they have had sex in dozens of closets, cars, alleys, and darkened corners. They know how to get one another off under any circumstances. When Julian strokes Noel’s cock, his partner makes a keening noise as he presses their foreheads together.
“So close, Ju. Fuck.”
Julian kisses Noel and continues to stroke his cock until Noel is swearing into Julian’s mouth and coming on his stomach. Julian can only manage a few more upward thrusts before he follows suit, coming inside the familiar but somehow ever-surprising heat of Noel’s body.
Noel laughs for no apparent reason and wipes his sweaty forehead on Julian’s chest.
“I’m going to miss you,” Noel says in his customary burst of post-coital romanticism. “I wish I could take you with me. Fold you up and keep you in my luggage.”
“You could just buy a dildo.”
Noel laughs and gives Julian a long, tender kiss.
“I want all of you. The awful hair, scratchy beard…”
“Smelly feet.”
“Smelly feet, silver pubes…”
“Flabby arse, flabby stomach, flabby jowls…”
Instead of continuing the joke, Noel hugs him tightly. For someone who constantly worries about his own appearance, Noel never seems bothered by Julian’s decline.
Julian waits for Noel to continue speaking, but he is uncharacteristically quiet even as Julian carefully pulls out. Noel normally jumps to get cleaned up after sex, but he feels boneless in Julian’s arms.
“I hate being away from you.”
Julian doesn’t respond other than by holding Noel tighter. They keep circling the same issues, but there is never a resolution. They have never truly been in the same place at the same time.
“What will you say to all those reporters?” Julian asks. Without Julian to weigh him down, Noel is capable of doing an insane amount of press. Julia makes Julian look like a publicity whore, and together they marvel together at Noel’s ability to make chit-chat with stranger after stranger with no worries about how the world will dissect every phrase.
“I’ll tell them I was riding your dick right up until I left England,” Noel responds, giving Julian the heavy-lidded look that always makes him feel a little nervous and shy.
“You can’t say that. It’s indiscreet.”
Noel pretends to think hard.
“I’ll say we still make love.”
“Much better.”
“See, I can pretend to be an adult when I have to.”
Julian had never intended to stop the Boosh train in its tracks, but that is exactly what he did. Noel never wanted to stop. They were exhausted and brittle and it was affecting their ability to work together, but Noel was determined to push through with the aid of various chemical enhancements. Julian was afraid of missing out on raising his children. He was afraid of the Boosh imploding from overexposure.
He was worried about Noel. He was often angry at Noel in those days, but more than anything, he was worried. He didn’t know what to do, so he just stopped.
They don’t get any work done, but promise to get straight to work when Noel returns from America. Julian has his doubts, but everything feels possible when he is with Noel. There is precious little room for ugly realities when Noel is around, spreading sunshine and bizarre analogies.
When Noel leaves, he pauses in the kitchen to admire the boys’ drawings. The twins have always leaned towards co-playing, rather than actually playing together. They draw side by side or build blanket forts with a big wall separating them. Somehow, in their infancy, they were able to grasp the importance of well-defined boundaries - a lesson that Julian and Noel have clearly yet to learn.
“I’m happy for you, Julian,” Noel says, smiling but sad-eyed. “You really have it all.”
Julian has a million questions, but he knows he’ll be diverted with jokes and flirtation. Almost twenty years since their first feel-up, and Julian still has no idea what Noel actually wants from their relationship or any other. Julian went through a period where he was prepared to make it all work, to have some kind of established polyamorous relationship that he could discuss openly and maybe even understand, but Noel was never interested in definitions or limitations. Julian tells himself it is better not to question it, better not to understand it, but he likes to understand things. He always has.
“Have a happy Julianuary,” Noel says, giving Julian a friendly hug. They are outside of the study, and despite the fact that the house is empty, Noel will restrain himself. Whether he acknowledges them or not, Noel has his own rules for maintaining their relationship.
“I’ll be sure to look myself up, find out what the ladies are saying about my slim legs and voluptuous breasts.”
Noel places a hand on Julian’s chest and looks him up and down. Julian refuses to stand straighter or make any effort to look more attractive.
“They love every inch of you, those ladies. Maybe there are boys, too. There are probably boys. They get it. They see…”
Julian waits a beat for Noel to either finish the thought or make a joke before prompting him.
“See what?”
Noel shakes his head and laughs. “They see your old man balls, swinging down by your knees, you freak. See you when I get back.”
Noel gives Julian a kiss on the cheek and he’s gone, leaving Julian alone with his thoughts and a laptop he is afraid to touch, lest he give in to temptation. It is only the first week of Julianuary. He might have to go into hiding.
For months, Julian only saw flirty and demure Noel. There were moments when Julian saw a hint of the chav Noel claimed to have been, or a joke that would go unexpectedly dark, but the overall impression he got from Noel was always of childish glee. Noel giggled and stood too close and made it impossible for Julian to think straight, and he was so funny he left Julian gasping. Julian barely knew which way was up when he was around Noel, and he both loved and feared the feeling. He was leaning in too close and laughing too loudly when a group of teens walked by and one of them yelled, “Benders!” Julian is mortified. He sees himself through their eyes, how he is fawning over Noel, desperate to keep his attention.
While Julian is frozen in his embarrassment, Noel lets loose with the rudest and the most obscene response Julian has ever heard in real life. He doesn’t remember the details, but he remembers it ended with Noel declaring that they couldn’t be gay, because they never shagged without the chav’s mother between them.
When the chav fumbled for a response, Julian told him to piss off and accept his defeat like a man. When Noel acts the scene out later, he plays himself as squawking rather than bellowing at the chavs, but is otherwise fairly accurate in his portrayal of events. Then he slumps, with his eyes barely open, looking sexy and indifferent, and waves his hand derisively while saying, “Accept your defeat like a gentleman!” in a commanding tone. Through Noel’s filter, Julian appears cool and edgy, rather than neurotic and spiky. Just as he can spin a joke from nearly any topic, Noel can create something special from a lump of clay such as Julian Barratt.
Author: Concupid
Pairing: Noel/Julian
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: RPF, explicit sex, drug mention, slurs, language
Summary: Noel tells Julian about Julianuary and tries to celebrate while Julian reflects on their unique relationship. PWP, but with lots of backstory and feelings.
Author's note: I am bad at PWP, so this got a bit out of control. Thank you, Bluey for reading 8,000 rough drafts of this and helping me to actually finish it before Julianuary ended! This story is naturally dedicated to all the filthy perverts who ogle Julian Barratt on a regular basis.
“Julianuary. It’s a whole month devoted to your beauty,” Noel explains, biting his lip. “Odes to your silvers, your wrinkles, your pendulous old-man balls…”
Julian laughs, but he’s already getting hard. He hadn’t been intending on sex with Fielding that day - the goal was to get words on paper - but he is reconsidering his plans. Apparently, they have found the sweet spot of seeing one another often enough to not feel shy around one another, but not quite often enough to get any real writing done. Julian does not make New Year’s resolutions, but he has a vague intention of striking a better balance in his life for 2016.
Noel crawls into Julian’s lap, non-verbally declaring that the productive portion of their day is now over. The overstuffed couch is not great for sex, and Julian only sinks deeper into the cushions with Noel’s added weight. There is nowhere else for them to go. It doesn’t matter that the house is empty; Noel and Julian will stay in the study Because. Such things require rules, if you’re going to make them work.
“I can’t imagine it would take a whole month to worship me,” Julian teases in a low tone. Noel again bites his lip. Noel has a thing for Julian’s voice when he goes deep.
“I’ve spent well over a decade on it, and I’m nowhere near done worshipping,” Noel murmurs, his lips nearly touching Julian’s, before giving him a proper kiss.
Julian knows Noel’s body nearly as well as his own. While constantly on tour, they learned to rely on each other for both quick and efficient orgasms and for the cuddly, loving sex they were missing between “real” lovers. They kissed and they fucked, but to suggest they were romantically involved was akin to saying ‘Macbeth’ out loud in a theater. Maybe nothing at all would happen, but it was not something to be risked. The fear of extinguishing their light was ever-present in those days. No one could hope to explain how grown men discussing tzatziki sauce could warrant multiple nights at the O2, yet somehow it had happened. There is no explaining the success of the Mighty Boosh, and that troubles Julian. He likes to understand things.
“It’s about time you got your own month,” Noel purrs between kisses. “I been saying it for years.”
Julian fondles Noel’s rear end through his omnipresent drainpipes and points out that he has no memory of Noel suggesting a month or even a day reserved for Julian.
“You were probably too busy checking out my hot pumpkin arse to hear me.”
Julian laughs, because the accusation is not without basis. The years have in no way diminished his appreciation of Noel’s body. Noel’s arse is a work of art.
He remembers the first time he gave Noel’s backside a proper feel-up. It was backstage, the night Julian helped Noel get a slot at one of his gigs. Julian had thought he could give Noel’s bum a cheeky squeeze and make him laugh. Instead, Noel stood still and pretended not to notice, even as Julian grew bolder. They ended up in a men’s room stall, exchanging furtive handjobs moments before Noel took the stage. They wouldn’t have their first kiss until months afterwards, and that would be in front of an audience. Part of the act. More or less.
“Besides,” Noel adds, “I spent every day worshipping you.”
There’s no point in arguing. Noel recollects those days in his own way. Somewhere between Noel’s rose tint and Julian’s dreary filter lies reality, but reality has never been a prized part of their relationship.
“I want you to fuck me, Ju. Fuck me with that big cock, Ju. Say my name all deep and creamy.”
“Noel.”
Noel throws his head back and gives an exaggerated groan. “Fuck me so hard, Julian. Fuck me and say my name like that while you do it.”
Julian laughs at Noel’s unfiltered enthusiasm, but he’s feeling more than a little hot under the collar. He loves when Noel is direct. Julian hems and haws, but Noel has very little filter between what he thinks and what he says.
Noel spent years making it very clear he didn’t want to try anal sex. He managed to squeeze it into conversations and he froze any time Julian tried to play with his arse without a layer of fabric between them. Julian wasn’t bothered, but he wondered why Noel was so high strung on the subject. Every time Julian suggested Noel top, Noel laughed like it was a hilarious joke. Every time.
Julian likes to know what things mean.
Julian let the issue drop until one day, on the Future Sailors Tour, Julian found Noel, still dressed as a nana from the show, half-asleep on a catering table. They had a talk about being exhausted and intimidated by the massive venues. They talked about drifting apart even while together day and night. They talked about the drugs Noel was using and Julian was missing. They started to kiss, and then Noel sucked on Julian’s fingers, pulled aside his pants, and whispered, “Get me ready.” That was the first time Julian topped Noel: in a rehearsal space, on a fold up table, with Noel dressed as a little old lady. The area was deserted, but someone could have walked in at any moment. They didn’t take off their clothes, just moved them enough to not be in the way. Noel lay on his back with his legs over Julian’s shoulders, biting the palm of his hand and doing his very best to be quiet, even though Noel was never quiet. The sex that night was furtive and quick, and afterwards, they giggled their way to Julian’s room and fell asleep watching a movie in bed. They didn’t discuss it, but it wasn’t awkward or strange. It was just another addition to their already indefinable relationship. They’d all but shared a brain in those days. Nothing could come between them, not as long as they were constantly in contact.
There’s a lot of awkward fumbling as they try to undress - the couch really isn’t suitable for sex - and nervous laughter turns into hysterical giggles. No one makes Julian laugh quite like Noel. He isn’t always sure why he’s laughing, but Noel taps into some childish part of Julian’s brain that does not get enough stimulation. Noel’s presence is invigorating and addictive, even when Noel is at his most maddening.
“I could take a picture of you like this and make a lot of people happy on the internet,” Noel teases, pretending to take a snapshot of Julian kicking off his pants.
“Yes,” Julian agrees. “I’m sure there are plenty of porn sites specializing in doughy, middle-aged comedians. Me and Wossy are celebrated as gods. Flabby, aging, wrinkled gods.”
Noel, now fully naked, climbs back into his lap.
“You have no idea, Julian. You should look yourself up. Them ladies are well perverted for you. I found some of it alarming. I almost stopped reading for few minutes.”
“But you kept going?”
“I might have been touching myself. Gently. In a classy way, with lotion and dimmed lights. Not like some caveman.”
“You keep it tasteful.”
“Like smooth jazz,” Noel agrees. “A classy wank for a classy man.”
Noel always puts too much faith in Julian. He trusts Julian with his career and with his talent, giving Julian entirely too much power. Noel is a beautiful, talented, charismatic rock star. Julian can get away with nearly anything as long as he has lovely Noel to smile and assure the audience there is no need to fear. They have changed their dynamic over the years, but Noel always adapts to Julian’s needs. Like water, he takes whatever shape necessary, never losing his essential self.
He is shy and demure when Julian wants to seduce him and make him tremble. He’s aggressive and wanton when Julian is feeling conflicted or unsure. The sex can be hot and sloppy, rough and angry, or sweet and tender; Noel goes along with it all, taking whatever role he is called to play.
“What kind of comments do they make about you? Hmmm? In Noelvember?” Julian teases as he explores Noel’s slim body. Noel looks sincerely shocked.
“How’d you know about Noelvember?”
“There’s one month than begins with an N. It was that or Fieldbruary.” Julian enjoys Noel’s impressed expression. He suddenly feels clever for being able to anticipate something utterly predictable. Even Julian can’t always tell where the wide-eyed guileless act ends and the genuine naivety begins. He licks his finger before sliding it between Noel’s arse cheeks and towards his tight entrance.
“I don’t look at what people have to say about me,” Noel says earnestly, pausing briefly to moan as Julian’s finger breaches his body. “Unless I’m really drunk. I look myself up drunk, and it’s never a good idea. You need that shit filtered through friends and loved ones. I don’t need to be told I look like a chubby goblin. I’ve got a mirror!”
The sexual aspect of the relationship would fall off at times, but it always returned. Julian loves holding Noel, and he always has. He loves kissing the smaller man and holding his slight frame. Noel has the kind of lovely, androgynous, elfin quality Julian had always been drawn to and a lovely, sunshiny mind. It is horrible to see Noel unhappy. Noel is worried about aging and changing and losing his appeal, and Julian wishes he could ease his mind, but he can never find the words that Noel will actually believe. Noel is eternally beautiful, but Peter Pan is having an age crisis.
Julian lets the self-effacing joke slide. There can be little doubt in Noel’s mind that he is as attractive as ever, as far as Julian is concerned. Julian is good at hiding a lot of things, but not when he’s naked.
“What friend told you about Julianuary?” Julian asks, moving his finger in gentle circles. With his free hand, Julian strokes his thumb along Noel’s cheekbone, enjoying the familiar edges and planes.
Noel laughs. “All of them. About a hundred people told me. Friends, relatives, perfect strangers. People think I can’t handle you having a month. They think I’m jealous.”
“Envious of my elegant physique, my dashing good looks…”
“Your enormous arse,” Noel adds.
“The largest in Yorkshire, sir.”
“And your old man balls.”
“The lowest-hanging in Leeds.”
“I’m glad your hair is growing back,” Noel muses while running his fingers through Julian’s hair. “That was a truly ghastly look.”
“I thought you were supposed to be worshipping me, not knocking my powerful style.”
“I’m not some random person on the internet,” Noel reminds him, gasping as Julian adds a second finger. “Fucking hell… I was celebrating Julianuary before anyone thought about making it a holiday.”
“So you celebrate by mocking me?”
“I’ve got some lube in my bag.”
“That is a far superior way to celebrate.”
Noel gives him far too much credit. Years ago, Julian was three sheets to the wind when he tore into a fellow comedian for hassling Noel. He was too drunk to remember he couldn’t fight for shit. He was drunk and angry, and for some reason, he felt Noel needed his protection. It’s all a blur, expect for the way Noel looked at him. Noel gazed up at him with so much love and admiration, and then he gave Julian a blowjob in the men’s room. To Noel, it remains a tale of Julian’s virtue. As far as Julian knows, his only accomplishment that night was, for once, actually managing to act like the man Noel imagined him to be.
Noel pulls faces and mimes a pratfall as they carefully disengage. He retrieves the lubricant and a johnny from his own bag, as though he does not know Julian keeps a stash of necessities in a locked drawer in his desk. Julian doesn’t know how he will address his strange relationship with Noel when the boys are older, but he certainly doesn’t want it to be something they stumble across. In his own way, Noel is also protective of Julian’s family life. There have been several drunken declarations from Noel along the lines of, “I swear, I will never try to fuck this up for you.”
If Noel is unsure of their relationship, Julian is likely to blame for not communicating, but he is also unlikely to change.
Noel drops the condom and lubricant on the couch beside Julian before dropping to his knees between Julian’s legs. Julian’s cock twitches at the promise of a blowjob, making Noel laugh.
“Tell your cock to cool it, will you? He is being well aggressive.”
“I have a thing for sexy goblins.”
Noel pulls a silly face before taking Julian’s cock into his mouth, and Julian’s laugh turns into a shuddery moan. Julian strokes Noel’s hair and tangles his fingers in the dark locks as Noel lightly scrapes Julian’s cock with his teeth. Noel is loud and enthusiastic when he sucks cock, and this time is no exception. Noel moans and makes wet, slurping noises as he sucks.
Noel lives on candy. During their endless road trips, Noel does nothing but eat sweeties, often in the most obscene ways possible. He moans and makes sloppy noises that inevitably get Julian too horny to focus. They have pulled over on hundreds of quiet roads for a quick blowie. Sometimes they fellate each other, but more often, Noel will get himself off while sucking Julian. It is certainly no hardship going down on Noel, but there is something incredibly hot about Noel coming while sucking Julian’s cock, as though the act enough were all the excitement Noel needed. With Noel, it is impossible to know how much is performance, but there are times when Julian is content with a bit of artifice.
Julian watches Noel for any signs of discomfort. Back in the day, Julian had known it was time to end a blowjob when Noel rubbed his jaw and griped about the girth of Julian’s cock, but now Noel knew how to hide his discomforts with moans and whispered obscenities.
Noel’s eyes are closed and his eyelashes are far too pretty for a man’s. Julian strokes Noel’s cheek and smiles when Noel nuzzles his hand like a cat. Noel has learned to put on a show, but he is still more id that ego. Julian grips Noel’s hair a bit as Noel takes him deeper with each bob of his head. He resists the urge to thrust into Noel’s throat and the urge to pull Noel back before he begins to gag. Noel brings out a lot of conflicting desires in Julian.
Julian has found men attractive, but no one has made him want to step outside of his sexual comfort zone except for Noel. Men have made rather blunt and tempting offers over the years. Noel and Julian have always had more than their share of men making advances, but they come in very different forms. Men are predatory with Noel. They start with jokes and flirty kisses, but then they keep pushing until Noel has to retreat or be backed into a corner. The men who pursue Julian are generally settled and comfortable with their sexuality. They politely offer to suck Julian’s cock and accept his answer when he demurs. There have been times when Julian has been tempted, but he prefers knowing he and Noel are faithful to one another in this aspect, even if only because Noel has no desire to repeat his previous experiences with men. In that one arena, Julian is the man who hasn’t let Noel down.
Noel is thorough, kissing Julian’s inner thighs and mouthing his testicles before jumping back into Julian’s lap. Noel’s cock is hard and leaking, and Julian is tempted to once again make the offer of having Noel top him, but Noel is leaving for the U.S. Julian doesn’t want to make this encounter awkward when they might not see one another for months. Instead, he gives Noel’s cock a few strokes before having his hand slapped away because, “You’re gonna make me come before we even get started.”
Julian lets the statement go. Now is not the time to argue with Noel’s tendency to dismiss any sex act other than penetration as somehow less significant.
Noel warms the lubricant between his hands before stroking Julian’s cock. He bites his bottom lip and moves his hips with each stroke, looking for all the world like he feels as good stroking Julian’s dick as Julian feels getting stroked. Noel has always been noisy and enthusiastic during sex, but he’s developed a more sophisticated cool over the years that Julian envies. Noel knows how to look good during sex, instead of ridiculous.
Noel takes his time, reaching between his own legs to slide two fingers inside himself. Julian is so ready, it’s an effort to remain still and watch Noel finger himself with languid movements. Julian replaces Noel’s fingers with his own, and Noel shudders in his arms.
“Christ, Julian.”
Julian smiles and adds another finger while Noel whimpers into his shoulder. He’s speaking, but the words are jumbled and muffled.
“Are you ready?” Julian asks, because he wants to hear Noel say it.
“I want you inside me, Julian. Fuck me.”
“You have a filthy mouth, Fielding.”
“Course I do, I was just sucking your cock.”
Julian spreads his fingers inside Noel, making him groan.
“Ready for my cock, Fielding?”
Noel answers by lowering himself on Julian’s erection, whimpering and moaning as he is stretched and filled. Julian resists the urge to thrust into the incredible heat engulfing him. Noel needs a few minutes to relax and be ready, so Julian lets him set the pace.
Noel has always tried to build Julian up, even when Julian was the better-established performer. Noel always played the beta, talking up Julian’s talent and playing down his own virtues. Even during sex, Noel tended to be either submissive or aggressively eager to please Julian. When things were going well, Julian tried to steer Noel towards something a bit more equal. When Julian was feeling down, he clung to Noel’s adoration like a drowning man trying to stay afloat.
Once Noel begins to slide easily up and down his shaft, Julian grabs his hips and begins to thrust upwards. Noel digs his fingers into Julian’s shoulders and turns the air blue with random profanities.
“Such a filthy mouth,” Julian muses. “You need some self control.”
“Fuck you,” Noel moans. “I’m seeing the future.”
Noel tucks his head into Julian’s shoulder, and Julian wraps his arms around Noel’s back so they are in an awkward hug. For years, they have been in a holding pattern, with Julian unable to commit to or dissolve the Boosh while Noel dodges every effort on Julian’s part to define their relationship. They have effectively skirted a real discussion and real work so they can snuggle and fuck like lovesick kids. Their movements are awkward and stunted, but they have had sex in dozens of closets, cars, alleys, and darkened corners. They know how to get one another off under any circumstances. When Julian strokes Noel’s cock, his partner makes a keening noise as he presses their foreheads together.
“So close, Ju. Fuck.”
Julian kisses Noel and continues to stroke his cock until Noel is swearing into Julian’s mouth and coming on his stomach. Julian can only manage a few more upward thrusts before he follows suit, coming inside the familiar but somehow ever-surprising heat of Noel’s body.
Noel laughs for no apparent reason and wipes his sweaty forehead on Julian’s chest.
“I’m going to miss you,” Noel says in his customary burst of post-coital romanticism. “I wish I could take you with me. Fold you up and keep you in my luggage.”
“You could just buy a dildo.”
Noel laughs and gives Julian a long, tender kiss.
“I want all of you. The awful hair, scratchy beard…”
“Smelly feet.”
“Smelly feet, silver pubes…”
“Flabby arse, flabby stomach, flabby jowls…”
Instead of continuing the joke, Noel hugs him tightly. For someone who constantly worries about his own appearance, Noel never seems bothered by Julian’s decline.
Julian waits for Noel to continue speaking, but he is uncharacteristically quiet even as Julian carefully pulls out. Noel normally jumps to get cleaned up after sex, but he feels boneless in Julian’s arms.
“I hate being away from you.”
Julian doesn’t respond other than by holding Noel tighter. They keep circling the same issues, but there is never a resolution. They have never truly been in the same place at the same time.
“What will you say to all those reporters?” Julian asks. Without Julian to weigh him down, Noel is capable of doing an insane amount of press. Julia makes Julian look like a publicity whore, and together they marvel together at Noel’s ability to make chit-chat with stranger after stranger with no worries about how the world will dissect every phrase.
“I’ll tell them I was riding your dick right up until I left England,” Noel responds, giving Julian the heavy-lidded look that always makes him feel a little nervous and shy.
“You can’t say that. It’s indiscreet.”
Noel pretends to think hard.
“I’ll say we still make love.”
“Much better.”
“See, I can pretend to be an adult when I have to.”
Julian had never intended to stop the Boosh train in its tracks, but that is exactly what he did. Noel never wanted to stop. They were exhausted and brittle and it was affecting their ability to work together, but Noel was determined to push through with the aid of various chemical enhancements. Julian was afraid of missing out on raising his children. He was afraid of the Boosh imploding from overexposure.
He was worried about Noel. He was often angry at Noel in those days, but more than anything, he was worried. He didn’t know what to do, so he just stopped.
They don’t get any work done, but promise to get straight to work when Noel returns from America. Julian has his doubts, but everything feels possible when he is with Noel. There is precious little room for ugly realities when Noel is around, spreading sunshine and bizarre analogies.
When Noel leaves, he pauses in the kitchen to admire the boys’ drawings. The twins have always leaned towards co-playing, rather than actually playing together. They draw side by side or build blanket forts with a big wall separating them. Somehow, in their infancy, they were able to grasp the importance of well-defined boundaries - a lesson that Julian and Noel have clearly yet to learn.
“I’m happy for you, Julian,” Noel says, smiling but sad-eyed. “You really have it all.”
Julian has a million questions, but he knows he’ll be diverted with jokes and flirtation. Almost twenty years since their first feel-up, and Julian still has no idea what Noel actually wants from their relationship or any other. Julian went through a period where he was prepared to make it all work, to have some kind of established polyamorous relationship that he could discuss openly and maybe even understand, but Noel was never interested in definitions or limitations. Julian tells himself it is better not to question it, better not to understand it, but he likes to understand things. He always has.
“Have a happy Julianuary,” Noel says, giving Julian a friendly hug. They are outside of the study, and despite the fact that the house is empty, Noel will restrain himself. Whether he acknowledges them or not, Noel has his own rules for maintaining their relationship.
“I’ll be sure to look myself up, find out what the ladies are saying about my slim legs and voluptuous breasts.”
Noel places a hand on Julian’s chest and looks him up and down. Julian refuses to stand straighter or make any effort to look more attractive.
“They love every inch of you, those ladies. Maybe there are boys, too. There are probably boys. They get it. They see…”
Julian waits a beat for Noel to either finish the thought or make a joke before prompting him.
“See what?”
Noel shakes his head and laughs. “They see your old man balls, swinging down by your knees, you freak. See you when I get back.”
Noel gives Julian a kiss on the cheek and he’s gone, leaving Julian alone with his thoughts and a laptop he is afraid to touch, lest he give in to temptation. It is only the first week of Julianuary. He might have to go into hiding.
For months, Julian only saw flirty and demure Noel. There were moments when Julian saw a hint of the chav Noel claimed to have been, or a joke that would go unexpectedly dark, but the overall impression he got from Noel was always of childish glee. Noel giggled and stood too close and made it impossible for Julian to think straight, and he was so funny he left Julian gasping. Julian barely knew which way was up when he was around Noel, and he both loved and feared the feeling. He was leaning in too close and laughing too loudly when a group of teens walked by and one of them yelled, “Benders!” Julian is mortified. He sees himself through their eyes, how he is fawning over Noel, desperate to keep his attention.
While Julian is frozen in his embarrassment, Noel lets loose with the rudest and the most obscene response Julian has ever heard in real life. He doesn’t remember the details, but he remembers it ended with Noel declaring that they couldn’t be gay, because they never shagged without the chav’s mother between them.
When the chav fumbled for a response, Julian told him to piss off and accept his defeat like a man. When Noel acts the scene out later, he plays himself as squawking rather than bellowing at the chavs, but is otherwise fairly accurate in his portrayal of events. Then he slumps, with his eyes barely open, looking sexy and indifferent, and waves his hand derisively while saying, “Accept your defeat like a gentleman!” in a commanding tone. Through Noel’s filter, Julian appears cool and edgy, rather than neurotic and spiky. Just as he can spin a joke from nearly any topic, Noel can create something special from a lump of clay such as Julian Barratt.