Have I mentioned how much I love this story? Because I really do love it. A lot. It is very special to me, and this chapter is no exception. Everything, as always, feels very real and imperfect, like there are real consequences here. I can see how much they're learning and growing, but I can also see that it isn't easy, and you feel that sense of anxiety about how they're going to respond to each little new bump or challenge... that's a tough thing to convey, but you've nailed it, and that's part of what makes this story so fantastic.
I felt so proud of Howard here! Even though it's no longer as easy or instinctive as it was before the switch back, he is hanging on to the insights into Vince that he gained during that time and the things he learned, and he's battling his own insecurities and keeping on with it. He knows how important it is. Now that he knows Vince's tricks of misdirection and omission and compensation, he's learning how to decode Vince in a way he never could before, from being prepared to not let Vince feign enthusiasm for something he's not really into to understanding that Vince needs and loves and appreciates him exactly because of who he is and not what Howard always thought a man needed to be. (Howard being Howard, he still doesn't entirely understand how special that makes him, rather than boring or dull or weak, but... hopefully in time. He might never realize what Vince sees in him, but he seems to be verging on accepting that Vince sees it.) I particularly like the moment, too, where he's aware of just how easily Vince manages to low-key manage everything while acting docile and submissive and trying to make Howard feel dominant, and Howard wonders how he'd never noticed it before. Now that he's had that glimpse behind Vince's mask (and in his shoes, in a way), he's not going to be able to forget just how much Vince hides--and that is already making him a better partner.
Basically: yay, Howard! I loved it when he realized that Vince was rushing things. I loved it when fought against his own nervousness and insecurity with sex to take the initiative and bottom. I loved when he reached out to hold Vince when Vince needed it, even if it triggered his own feelings of awkwardness. I loved when he refused to let his own paranoid hangups derail the moment. In a thousand different ways, Howard demonstrates in this chapter exactly why Vince loves him!
And then I felt really, really proud of Vince for telling him that, in so many words. I could feel how hard it was for Vince to make himself that vulnerable and emotionally naked, to admit how much he appreciates what Howard does to treat him well and how unusual it's been in his life. Even when he talked about his past earlier, he couldn't really bring himself to admit how unloved and worthless he'd felt. So this is Vince pushing past his own hangups to let Howard know how much he sees and notices, and how much it matters to him.
They've both come so far, and even when they hit bumps in the road, they're both working together instead of against each other. Which means, I suppose, that the journey is nearly over--but it's been a hell of a ride.
I felt so proud of Howard here! Even though it's no longer as easy or instinctive as it was before the switch back, he is hanging on to the insights into Vince that he gained during that time and the things he learned, and he's battling his own insecurities and keeping on with it. He knows how important it is. Now that he knows Vince's tricks of misdirection and omission and compensation, he's learning how to decode Vince in a way he never could before, from being prepared to not let Vince feign enthusiasm for something he's not really into to understanding that Vince needs and loves and appreciates him exactly because of who he is and not what Howard always thought a man needed to be. (Howard being Howard, he still doesn't entirely understand how special that makes him, rather than boring or dull or weak, but... hopefully in time. He might never realize what Vince sees in him, but he seems to be verging on accepting that Vince sees it.) I particularly like the moment, too, where he's aware of just how easily Vince manages to low-key manage everything while acting docile and submissive and trying to make Howard feel dominant, and Howard wonders how he'd never noticed it before. Now that he's had that glimpse behind Vince's mask (and in his shoes, in a way), he's not going to be able to forget just how much Vince hides--and that is already making him a better partner.
Basically: yay, Howard! I loved it when he realized that Vince was rushing things. I loved it when fought against his own nervousness and insecurity with sex to take the initiative and bottom. I loved when he reached out to hold Vince when Vince needed it, even if it triggered his own feelings of awkwardness. I loved when he refused to let his own paranoid hangups derail the moment. In a thousand different ways, Howard demonstrates in this chapter exactly why Vince loves him!
And then I felt really, really proud of Vince for telling him that, in so many words. I could feel how hard it was for Vince to make himself that vulnerable and emotionally naked, to admit how much he appreciates what Howard does to treat him well and how unusual it's been in his life. Even when he talked about his past earlier, he couldn't really bring himself to admit how unloved and worthless he'd felt. So this is Vince pushing past his own hangups to let Howard know how much he sees and notices, and how much it matters to him.
They've both come so far, and even when they hit bumps in the road, they're both working together instead of against each other. Which means, I suppose, that the journey is nearly over--but it's been a hell of a ride.
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