Birthday blues
When I was growing up, September was my favorite month.
It meant going back to school, seeing my friends again, and being around other kids my own age (I didn't like the only 2 kids my age who lived nearby). I was also a nerd who loved school, loved learning.
It meant an end to DC's heat and humidity, and cool, crisp, clear days where the changing colors of the leaves shone bright against the blue sky.
And of course halfway through the month was my birthday, which meant cake and presents.
As an adult living in Seattle, there's really nothing to look forward to about September.
It means an end to the only 2 months of sunny, warm weather that makes me feel like me, when I can wear my favorite clothes. I will be in frumpy layers of sweaters for the next several months, hiding inside from the rain and feeling trapped by darkness as early as 4pm.
Thanks to COVID, I will not see my coworkers until at least January, if then. And aside from the core group of friends (for whom I am very grateful!) that I've been seeing (mostly outside) throughout the pandemic, I'm unlikely to be getting together in person with my larger circle of non-work friends anytime soon.
So I don't have enough people to share a cake with, even if someone were to get me one today. And I really don't need any presents, I have too much stuff as it is. My Amazon wishlist consists entirely of books, socks, and gourmet hot chocolate.
And I feel like a chapter of my relationship (well, both, to be honest) ended in August, and I don't know how the next chapter(s) will unfold. And it's grey and cold out, and the rain is coming, and I feel old and creaky, and I'm having a hard time finding hope right now.
It meant going back to school, seeing my friends again, and being around other kids my own age (I didn't like the only 2 kids my age who lived nearby). I was also a nerd who loved school, loved learning.
It meant an end to DC's heat and humidity, and cool, crisp, clear days where the changing colors of the leaves shone bright against the blue sky.
And of course halfway through the month was my birthday, which meant cake and presents.
As an adult living in Seattle, there's really nothing to look forward to about September.
It means an end to the only 2 months of sunny, warm weather that makes me feel like me, when I can wear my favorite clothes. I will be in frumpy layers of sweaters for the next several months, hiding inside from the rain and feeling trapped by darkness as early as 4pm.
Thanks to COVID, I will not see my coworkers until at least January, if then. And aside from the core group of friends (for whom I am very grateful!) that I've been seeing (mostly outside) throughout the pandemic, I'm unlikely to be getting together in person with my larger circle of non-work friends anytime soon.
So I don't have enough people to share a cake with, even if someone were to get me one today. And I really don't need any presents, I have too much stuff as it is. My Amazon wishlist consists entirely of books, socks, and gourmet hot chocolate.
And I feel like a chapter of my relationship (well, both, to be honest) ended in August, and I don't know how the next chapter(s) will unfold. And it's grey and cold out, and the rain is coming, and I feel old and creaky, and I'm having a hard time finding hope right now.