(no subject)
a summary of the recent events in my life that have lead me to where i am today, a state lacking clarity and follow through, but full of idea, inspiration, and mild determination.
to begin:
4th of july was a disaster in the best possible way. i realized that most people are good and its good we were able to work through the tragedy that was our fully unamerican neighbor. though i do feel guilty for inducing a crowd of BOOOS in her general direction, i feel united with my friends, especially those i didnt know. also, i didnt get any gruff from anyone for being a complete bitch all night. scolding people for letting off picolo peets on the front porch (but theres dogs, and cats, and NEIGHBORS, please!), for turning away crowds of people (you dont know anyone who lives here...leave now please and thank you.) to being 13...15? beers deep, thinking mao mao was lost and sobbing around my house while kids in underwear, kids who were making out, kids from australia helped me find him (miles found him in naomi's boxspring...huh??)
we have a major issue with the neighbor next door, but lucius was tenacious and braved her home and figured out some shit (mostly she is completely insane but in the real way where we should probably find a middle ground and not write her or this situation off). things for SMILE CASTLE will perserve, but what about me within the castle???
part two: my time in this castle has been a testament to the fact that im still fucking YOUNG. living alone with miles, in our quaint little studio made me feel like a total 30 year old, in a great way, but nontheless im feeling a sense of freedom and inspiration, but its being blocked by my inability to FOCUS. we have so many great people, and potential hang out sessions going on at all times, i really need to lock myself in my room more often and get shit done, especially with an ART SHOW HAPPENING ON AUGUST 15 RIGHT HERE IN MY HOME. this is my biggest dilemma with smile castle, also though im feeling FREEDOM and youthful and all that, i need to start acting a little bit more adult like. to me this means i need to have follow through and not half ass shit. also, i need to cut back ENTIRELY on the drama and the fucking exageration. its my biggest flaw and its an inherited family gift, but its damaging and its making me lose credibility. its never intentional, this chronic exageration, its like pathological...but it needs to stop, i feel pangs of guilt everytime i cry wolf.
part three: im trying to go to city college this fall. i cant decide classes. im thinking one botany or horticulture related class, one art type of class (ive never taken art!) and maybe if i can have some sort of self-will, a MATH class. why would i go back to school if i dont think im ever going to graduate college? one answer: im tired of feeling stupid.
i have a brain that needs to be used for things other than ms paint drawings, titz and biscuitz making, and also, svu watching coupled with the one book a week law.
part four: i feel despair in the air. its all around me, we are a generation of souls trying to grab something real but what else is there to take hold of? my answer to this is cliche and sounds like a hallmark card, but i need to take hold of ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE. because we are still mostly real, and we are actually made of entirely real things and thoughts and feelings, but they are just blocked by unreal all the time. i need to take hold of ME. figure out who i am, why do i feel the need to be liked, by EVERYONE? i need to answer this question, and to do this and answer more questions i need to keep making real connections and relationships with everyone around me and throughout the universe.
also, i need to keep reading life changing books. (right now its 100 years of solitude...fucking golden, right?)
anyways thats the general report, if you cared to know.
the action plan is simple and as follows: make shit truthful and real and thoughtful and complete.
the end.
tiffany k glover
to begin:
4th of july was a disaster in the best possible way. i realized that most people are good and its good we were able to work through the tragedy that was our fully unamerican neighbor. though i do feel guilty for inducing a crowd of BOOOS in her general direction, i feel united with my friends, especially those i didnt know. also, i didnt get any gruff from anyone for being a complete bitch all night. scolding people for letting off picolo peets on the front porch (but theres dogs, and cats, and NEIGHBORS, please!), for turning away crowds of people (you dont know anyone who lives here...leave now please and thank you.) to being 13...15? beers deep, thinking mao mao was lost and sobbing around my house while kids in underwear, kids who were making out, kids from australia helped me find him (miles found him in naomi's boxspring...huh??)
we have a major issue with the neighbor next door, but lucius was tenacious and braved her home and figured out some shit (mostly she is completely insane but in the real way where we should probably find a middle ground and not write her or this situation off). things for SMILE CASTLE will perserve, but what about me within the castle???
part two: my time in this castle has been a testament to the fact that im still fucking YOUNG. living alone with miles, in our quaint little studio made me feel like a total 30 year old, in a great way, but nontheless im feeling a sense of freedom and inspiration, but its being blocked by my inability to FOCUS. we have so many great people, and potential hang out sessions going on at all times, i really need to lock myself in my room more often and get shit done, especially with an ART SHOW HAPPENING ON AUGUST 15 RIGHT HERE IN MY HOME. this is my biggest dilemma with smile castle, also though im feeling FREEDOM and youthful and all that, i need to start acting a little bit more adult like. to me this means i need to have follow through and not half ass shit. also, i need to cut back ENTIRELY on the drama and the fucking exageration. its my biggest flaw and its an inherited family gift, but its damaging and its making me lose credibility. its never intentional, this chronic exageration, its like pathological...but it needs to stop, i feel pangs of guilt everytime i cry wolf.
part three: im trying to go to city college this fall. i cant decide classes. im thinking one botany or horticulture related class, one art type of class (ive never taken art!) and maybe if i can have some sort of self-will, a MATH class. why would i go back to school if i dont think im ever going to graduate college? one answer: im tired of feeling stupid.
i have a brain that needs to be used for things other than ms paint drawings, titz and biscuitz making, and also, svu watching coupled with the one book a week law.
part four: i feel despair in the air. its all around me, we are a generation of souls trying to grab something real but what else is there to take hold of? my answer to this is cliche and sounds like a hallmark card, but i need to take hold of ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE. because we are still mostly real, and we are actually made of entirely real things and thoughts and feelings, but they are just blocked by unreal all the time. i need to take hold of ME. figure out who i am, why do i feel the need to be liked, by EVERYONE? i need to answer this question, and to do this and answer more questions i need to keep making real connections and relationships with everyone around me and throughout the universe.
also, i need to keep reading life changing books. (right now its 100 years of solitude...fucking golden, right?)
anyways thats the general report, if you cared to know.
the action plan is simple and as follows: make shit truthful and real and thoughtful and complete.
the end.
tiffany k glover