I have no controll of my own life...
Bored as all hell... I go to Another interview today. When i'm going to get a damn job, don't know, hopfuly soon. Pat quit his and smokes weed all day, sits around on his ass like nothings going on in his life! I hate it so much, he's a lot older than me and I'm the mature one in the relationship. Gay, I don't want to grow up any faster than I have to! I'm going insane and am stressed like a mother, wouldn't be suprised if i start getting gray hair by the time i'm 21! I'm scared to go into labor... it's only a few more weeks away... weeks, that's way too close! Don't think i'm all that ready for all of this, but i've got to find some way to get through it all...right? What if i end up being some broke ass single mom out on the streets, not being able to care of not only me, but him too. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I give this kid a shitty life! Friends say they're there, but i havn't yet once felt that they were truly next to me through any of these 9 months... how am i going to believe they're going to be there after he's born? I can't rely on any one any more no matter what, I have to look at things to the worst that they can get, or I wont be ready for anything. I miss the party's, flirting with guys I dont even know... drinking and just not giving a shit... I wont be able to ever relive any of it! Damn, if you are one of those girls that don't use protection, i'm tellin you now, use it... this shit will mess up your life, take it away and tare it in peices right in front of you, all you can do is sit back and watch it all fade.
All i feel is alone
All i feel is alone