Waking up
Do you ever just wake up in a state of panic? Worried about all the decisions you're making?
It's day four of a new outlook on food. I haven't been able to find another OA meeting in this area that suits my time frame, so I am probably going to have to wait until next Monday to "go to group" again. I have been reading and digesting (ha!) the materials given to me every night, though. And I have some insights, and so many questions to ask. But the most major one is: Now What?
When I was at the group, they talk about getting a sponsor. Someone who will guide me through the journey of the 12 steps and support/be there for me when I'm having a bad food day. I have a hard time with the thought of letting someone else that close to my neurosis, I mean, they're going to hear about so much! I can understand calling someone when you're a cocaine addict and you find yourself looking for your next fix, but calling when you're about to go to a buffet? It's just a weird concept.
The other thing I have a hard time with is the linguistics. For example, the "big book" calls the stretches between food binges "staying abstinent". Now, I know in the meeting they didn't really use this term, and I think that's because I'm probably not the only one that has a hard time with those words. They just seem so, so 6th grade Sex Ed. I don't relate to it.
Actually, more so I don't relate to a concept of a God. My mom says that there are a lot of agnostics in the program, and atheists even (which I find hard to believe. Supposedly they have found a way to replace God with other words like "Universe" or "the unknown". I just find this strange and trite. I wish someone would re write these books for those who can't stand religion. I'm sure it scares away SO MANY people who are just looking for help.
Then again, the solution to the disease, as from what I can tell so far, is the belief in a higher power that will support you and get you through it. If you can believe in something bigger then yourself, then you've accomplished the hardest task in OA (or AA for that matter). At least, this is how I'm understanding this all so far. I haven't talked to anyone in the program since Monday about all these questions, so I feel like I may just need to give it time before I go making too many judgments.
On a fun note, a year ago tonight I met Chris for the first time, through OK cupid. I feel so genuinely lucky to have such a wonderful, supportive, caring man in my life. I love that we get to be dorky together 24/7. So to celebrate, we are going back to the coffee shop we met in. Then we're going to my mom's for some green beans and Dexter!
Speaking of OKC and my good luck, though, why is it that everyone else I know has had SUCH bad luck with the service? Three of my good friends have recently told me horrible stories/ heart break from the guys they met on it. I don't understand, I mean, is it their pickers, or OKC doing a poor matching job?
Alright, I'm one-day-at-a-time-ing lunch now, with Josie. She's such a good dog. Walk time!
It's day four of a new outlook on food. I haven't been able to find another OA meeting in this area that suits my time frame, so I am probably going to have to wait until next Monday to "go to group" again. I have been reading and digesting (ha!) the materials given to me every night, though. And I have some insights, and so many questions to ask. But the most major one is: Now What?
When I was at the group, they talk about getting a sponsor. Someone who will guide me through the journey of the 12 steps and support/be there for me when I'm having a bad food day. I have a hard time with the thought of letting someone else that close to my neurosis, I mean, they're going to hear about so much! I can understand calling someone when you're a cocaine addict and you find yourself looking for your next fix, but calling when you're about to go to a buffet? It's just a weird concept.
The other thing I have a hard time with is the linguistics. For example, the "big book" calls the stretches between food binges "staying abstinent". Now, I know in the meeting they didn't really use this term, and I think that's because I'm probably not the only one that has a hard time with those words. They just seem so, so 6th grade Sex Ed. I don't relate to it.
Actually, more so I don't relate to a concept of a God. My mom says that there are a lot of agnostics in the program, and atheists even (which I find hard to believe. Supposedly they have found a way to replace God with other words like "Universe" or "the unknown". I just find this strange and trite. I wish someone would re write these books for those who can't stand religion. I'm sure it scares away SO MANY people who are just looking for help.
Then again, the solution to the disease, as from what I can tell so far, is the belief in a higher power that will support you and get you through it. If you can believe in something bigger then yourself, then you've accomplished the hardest task in OA (or AA for that matter). At least, this is how I'm understanding this all so far. I haven't talked to anyone in the program since Monday about all these questions, so I feel like I may just need to give it time before I go making too many judgments.
On a fun note, a year ago tonight I met Chris for the first time, through OK cupid. I feel so genuinely lucky to have such a wonderful, supportive, caring man in my life. I love that we get to be dorky together 24/7. So to celebrate, we are going back to the coffee shop we met in. Then we're going to my mom's for some green beans and Dexter!
Speaking of OKC and my good luck, though, why is it that everyone else I know has had SUCH bad luck with the service? Three of my good friends have recently told me horrible stories/ heart break from the guys they met on it. I don't understand, I mean, is it their pickers, or OKC doing a poor matching job?
Alright, I'm one-day-at-a-time-ing lunch now, with Josie. She's such a good dog. Walk time!