Brother Son
A few months ago, I wrote about a dream I had where I shot my soul mate. I had another dream last night that was similar, but only in the way that I had deep emotional attachments for another figment of my imagination.
I was babysitting some girls in a park, and we were resting in a pavilion when my brother showed up. Not my real brother; this was just a dream brother. He was only a year or so younger than me, and he resembled the guy who plays Peter from the Chronicles of Narnia. I had to get some snacks for the girls so I left him in charge, even though I got this eerie feeling that there was some danger in leaving. The walk to the vending machines took longer than I had anticipated, and by the time I got back, all that was left was the girls' coloring books and crayons.
Of course, my first instinct was that they were kidnapped, and of course, that was completely right since it was a dream. After some detective work, I tracked them down to this building that was in the middle of a long bridge. I walked to the center where the building was gated off. The gate was too high to climb over without being spotted, and I couldn't go around the side of it without the risk of falling off the bridge. While inspecting the gate, I spotted a woman with binoculars watching me from the ground. I knew that this was the woman who had kidnapped my brother and the girls. But there was nothing I could do to help them at the moment, and I was forced to walk back to the beginning of the bridge where I would be out of her sight.
Eventually, some event urged me to approach the building again even though I still had no way of getting to the building. I made it to the gate and saw the woman watching me again. This time I began to fiddle with the lock on the gate hoping that it would give. Instead, they opened fire on me, and I dove to the ground. When the firing stopped, the gate was open. Hesitantly, I peaked over the edge of the bridge and saw the woman with the binoculars dart out of site. Expecting another round of gun shots, I ducked down again. Nothing.
I made a break for the building and made it without any resistance. Inside, it looked more like a rundown old barn than anything else. I quickly realized why there hadn't been a second round of firing; they had had enough time to move my brother and the girls from the stalls on the first floor where they were being kept. I was on the verge of leaving empty handed, without any other leads as to their whereabouts when I got this feeling that I should check more closely on the second floor.
The floor was just one large room lined with cabinets on the far side. I had dismissed it as empty, but I decided to check inside of the cabinets. The first one I opened in the left corner of the room exposed a dark space much larger than the size of the actual cabinet. My brother sat against the wall, wrapping one arm around each of the girls and squinting into the light from the open door. I kneeled on the ground in front of him, and he leaned away from the wall slightly. I put both hands on either side of his face and kissed his temple. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder so that our cheeks and ears were touching.
When I woke up this morning, I was still feeling that intense love. I don't think that I have ever felt that way about a real person. I have never embraced someone with so much feeling. I find that incredibly sad and terrifying at the same time.
For some reason, it made me think and wonder about my future family. More specifically, it made me think about my potential future children. Even more specifically, it made me think about my potential future son. Maybe I just feel as though the only chance that I have to feel so strongly for anything is for my own children... my son in this case since it was another male in the dream. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and the rest of my family, but not the the same extent that it was in the dream. Probably, because none of them have been in a life-threatening situation from which I could save them.
I guess that sometimes I get caught up in the little details and hardships of life now, that I don't even think about the great things that may come. The idea of a relationship with my son really gives me hope and makes me excited for the extended future. You know? I never think about more than a few months from now, and all of a sudden this idea makes me want something that is really important... instead of the normal feelings of dreading the little unimportant things like homework and finals. It was just enlightening to care so much, even if it wasn't real.
"In dreams, emotions are overwhelming."
I was babysitting some girls in a park, and we were resting in a pavilion when my brother showed up. Not my real brother; this was just a dream brother. He was only a year or so younger than me, and he resembled the guy who plays Peter from the Chronicles of Narnia. I had to get some snacks for the girls so I left him in charge, even though I got this eerie feeling that there was some danger in leaving. The walk to the vending machines took longer than I had anticipated, and by the time I got back, all that was left was the girls' coloring books and crayons.
Of course, my first instinct was that they were kidnapped, and of course, that was completely right since it was a dream. After some detective work, I tracked them down to this building that was in the middle of a long bridge. I walked to the center where the building was gated off. The gate was too high to climb over without being spotted, and I couldn't go around the side of it without the risk of falling off the bridge. While inspecting the gate, I spotted a woman with binoculars watching me from the ground. I knew that this was the woman who had kidnapped my brother and the girls. But there was nothing I could do to help them at the moment, and I was forced to walk back to the beginning of the bridge where I would be out of her sight.
Eventually, some event urged me to approach the building again even though I still had no way of getting to the building. I made it to the gate and saw the woman watching me again. This time I began to fiddle with the lock on the gate hoping that it would give. Instead, they opened fire on me, and I dove to the ground. When the firing stopped, the gate was open. Hesitantly, I peaked over the edge of the bridge and saw the woman with the binoculars dart out of site. Expecting another round of gun shots, I ducked down again. Nothing.
I made a break for the building and made it without any resistance. Inside, it looked more like a rundown old barn than anything else. I quickly realized why there hadn't been a second round of firing; they had had enough time to move my brother and the girls from the stalls on the first floor where they were being kept. I was on the verge of leaving empty handed, without any other leads as to their whereabouts when I got this feeling that I should check more closely on the second floor.
The floor was just one large room lined with cabinets on the far side. I had dismissed it as empty, but I decided to check inside of the cabinets. The first one I opened in the left corner of the room exposed a dark space much larger than the size of the actual cabinet. My brother sat against the wall, wrapping one arm around each of the girls and squinting into the light from the open door. I kneeled on the ground in front of him, and he leaned away from the wall slightly. I put both hands on either side of his face and kissed his temple. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder so that our cheeks and ears were touching.
When I woke up this morning, I was still feeling that intense love. I don't think that I have ever felt that way about a real person. I have never embraced someone with so much feeling. I find that incredibly sad and terrifying at the same time.
For some reason, it made me think and wonder about my future family. More specifically, it made me think about my potential future children. Even more specifically, it made me think about my potential future son. Maybe I just feel as though the only chance that I have to feel so strongly for anything is for my own children... my son in this case since it was another male in the dream. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and the rest of my family, but not the the same extent that it was in the dream. Probably, because none of them have been in a life-threatening situation from which I could save them.
I guess that sometimes I get caught up in the little details and hardships of life now, that I don't even think about the great things that may come. The idea of a relationship with my son really gives me hope and makes me excited for the extended future. You know? I never think about more than a few months from now, and all of a sudden this idea makes me want something that is really important... instead of the normal feelings of dreading the little unimportant things like homework and finals. It was just enlightening to care so much, even if it wasn't real.
"In dreams, emotions are overwhelming."