(no subject)
Douglas Coupland makes up some pretty good characters. Case in point, Jpod ( which i have now read twice). its ingeniusly hilarious.
case in point:
Living Cartoon Profile No. 1
Name: Casper Jesperson
Name people actually use: Cancer Cowboy, or simply Cowboy
Reason for unusual name people actually use: Grew up in an agricultural region and was told by well-meaning mother who didn't want him to smoke that the local cowboys were all dying of lung cancer
Smokes: Yes
Non-work e-name(s): xtinctionevent@mindlink.com
Preferred room temperature: 71°F
Favourite game: Doom 3
Preferred Simpsons character: Duff Man
Preferred karaoke song: "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas Food group
Most prevalent within work cubicle: Skittles, with the green ones removed
Most disturbing trait: Is not suicidal, but really enjoys thinking about death, and, to be frank, is actually kind of looking forward to it
Living Cartoon Profile No. 2
Name: Brianna Jyang
Name people actually use: Bree
Most evident pathology: Makes no bones about the fact that she wants to sleep with almost every guy she meets, but only once
Does she actually do this?: We're not sure
Non-work e-name(s): boxofpaperclips@hotmail com
Preferred room temperature: 65°F
Favourite game: The original PlayStation Tomb Raider
Preferred Simpsons character: Edna Krabappel
Preferred karaoke song: "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
Does this song make her mushy?: Yes
Does this mean she's a crying drunk?: Yes
Food group most prevalent within work cubicle: A low-fat oat muffin that she eats, one molecule at a time, over the course of an eighteen-hour workday.
Does this frighten and annoy her co-workers?: Yes
Living Cartoon Profile No. 3
Name: John Doe (yes, legally, as of three months ago)
Birth name: crow well mountain juniper (all lower case)
Name people actually use: John Doe
Reason for spooky birth name and subsequent selection of John Doe as a real name: Grew up in a lesbian commune and was home-schooled until the age of twelve. Never saw a TV set until age fifteen. Wants to be statistically normal to counteract his wacko upbringing.
Non-work e-name(s): johndoedammit@aol.com
Preferred room temperature: 62°F ("I may have grown up in a lesbian commune, but I think we truly are overdependent on climate control systems in our society.")
Favourite game: The Simpsons Hit & Run
Preferred Simpsons character: Groundskeeper Willie OR Lard Lad
Does he watch too much TV, specifically The Simpsons, to compensate for his media-free upbringing?: Yes
Preferred karaoke song: None
Reason for having no preferred karaoke song: Grew up without pop culture or music: "I just don't get it-but I'm trying, I really am."
Food group most prevalent within work cubicle: M&M's (which is based on statistics on items most commonly eaten out of hotel mini-bars)
Living Cartoon Profile No. 4
Name: Brandon Mark Jackson
Name people actually use: Mark
Reason for boring name people actually use: Entered jPod only three weeks ago
Non-work e-name(s): bmarkjackson@earthlink.com
Preferred room temperature: Haven't yet discussed this, but I'm guessing 72°F
Favourite game: Baldur's Gate
Preferred Simpsons character: Fast-food guy with cracking voice OR Moe Szyslak: opposite ends of the food-and-beverage industry labour cycle
Preferred karaoke song: Has yet to show any musical verve
Food group most prevalent within work cubicle: None
Does he think we don't notice this?: Yes
Is his office freakishly clean with no evidence whatsoever of an interior life-not even so much as a snapshot or anime knick-knackery?: Yes
Living Cartoon Profile No. 5
Name: Kaitlin Anna Boyd Joyce
Name people actually use: Kaitlin
Was she at the meeting today with Steve Who Turned Around Toblerone in Two Years? Yes
Do we know much about her yet?: No. She joined JPod yesterday.
Non-work e-name(s): C13H20N2O2.HCL@shaw.ca
Preferred room temperature: Haven't discussed it, but I'm
guessing 72°F
Favourite game: Yahoo! Games.com's TextTwist (spied on her)
Preferred Simpsons Character: I'm guessing Lisa
Preferred karaoke song: I'm hoping it's one I really like
Food group most prevalent within work cubicle: Gum
Does she notice me?: To be honest, I think not
Will I let her see this particular character report?: No way
Living Cartoon Profile No. 6
Name: Me
Name on birth certificate: Ethan Harrison Jarlewski
Name people actually use: Ethan
Non-work e-name(s): snacklover@gmail.com
Preferred room temperature: 68°F, and I hate hate hate humidity
Most creative thing ever done: An old operating system I invented when I was in high school. I called it Mentos.
Favourite game: Chrono Trigger on Sony PlayStation, a delectable console RPG with art by Akira Toriyama, sound by Yasunori Mitsuda and Nobuo Uematsu
Preferred Simpsons character: Kang and Kodos, the aliens
Preferred karaoke song: None
Reason for not having a preferred karaoke song: I live in fear of karaoke. Even thinking of it in this detached neutral listing format causes me to worry that I might somehow even unintentionally lure karaoke into my life.
Food group most prevalent within work cubicle: Kettle Chips with cracked pepper and lime, even though I suspect they give me bad dreams. Went through a Jell-O Pudding Snacks phase last fall, but now can't even look at the stuff.
Does he consider himself normal?: I used to, but now I wonder. Or rather, I think I'm still normal, but everyone around me is going random. Now I look at most people like recently lit Roman candles, unsure if they're about to go off, or if they're merely duds.
Does he enjoy his job?: The greatest challenge is to have a job without actually doing work, which is really hard to pull off in a company where workspace productivity is measured with just about every conceivable form of metrics
Does he take satisfaction in his approach to work?: Yes
My favourite are John Doe and Cowboy. zainily awesome.
case in point:
Living Cartoon Profile No. 1
Name: Casper Jesperson
Name people actually use: Cancer Cowboy, or simply Cowboy
Reason for unusual name people actually use: Grew up in an agricultural region and was told by well-meaning mother who didn't want him to smoke that the local cowboys were all dying of lung cancer
Smokes: Yes
Non-work e-name(s): xtinctionevent@mindlink.com
Preferred room temperature: 71°F
Favourite game: Doom 3
Preferred Simpsons character: Duff Man
Preferred karaoke song: "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas Food group
Most prevalent within work cubicle: Skittles, with the green ones removed
Most disturbing trait: Is not suicidal, but really enjoys thinking about death, and, to be frank, is actually kind of looking forward to it
Living Cartoon Profile No. 2
Name: Brianna Jyang
Name people actually use: Bree
Most evident pathology: Makes no bones about the fact that she wants to sleep with almost every guy she meets, but only once
Does she actually do this?: We're not sure
Non-work e-name(s): boxofpaperclips@hotmail com
Preferred room temperature: 65°F
Favourite game: The original PlayStation Tomb Raider
Preferred Simpsons character: Edna Krabappel
Preferred karaoke song: "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
Does this song make her mushy?: Yes
Does this mean she's a crying drunk?: Yes
Food group most prevalent within work cubicle: A low-fat oat muffin that she eats, one molecule at a time, over the course of an eighteen-hour workday.
Does this frighten and annoy her co-workers?: Yes
Living Cartoon Profile No. 3
Name: John Doe (yes, legally, as of three months ago)
Birth name: crow well mountain juniper (all lower case)
Name people actually use: John Doe
Reason for spooky birth name and subsequent selection of John Doe as a real name: Grew up in a lesbian commune and was home-schooled until the age of twelve. Never saw a TV set until age fifteen. Wants to be statistically normal to counteract his wacko upbringing.
Non-work e-name(s): johndoedammit@aol.com
Preferred room temperature: 62°F ("I may have grown up in a lesbian commune, but I think we truly are overdependent on climate control systems in our society.")
Favourite game: The Simpsons Hit & Run
Preferred Simpsons character: Groundskeeper Willie OR Lard Lad
Does he watch too much TV, specifically The Simpsons, to compensate for his media-free upbringing?: Yes
Preferred karaoke song: None
Reason for having no preferred karaoke song: Grew up without pop culture or music: "I just don't get it-but I'm trying, I really am."
Food group most prevalent within work cubicle: M&M's (which is based on statistics on items most commonly eaten out of hotel mini-bars)
Living Cartoon Profile No. 4
Name: Brandon Mark Jackson
Name people actually use: Mark
Reason for boring name people actually use: Entered jPod only three weeks ago
Non-work e-name(s): bmarkjackson@earthlink.com
Preferred room temperature: Haven't yet discussed this, but I'm guessing 72°F
Favourite game: Baldur's Gate
Preferred Simpsons character: Fast-food guy with cracking voice OR Moe Szyslak: opposite ends of the food-and-beverage industry labour cycle
Preferred karaoke song: Has yet to show any musical verve
Food group most prevalent within work cubicle: None
Does he think we don't notice this?: Yes
Is his office freakishly clean with no evidence whatsoever of an interior life-not even so much as a snapshot or anime knick-knackery?: Yes
Living Cartoon Profile No. 5
Name: Kaitlin Anna Boyd Joyce
Name people actually use: Kaitlin
Was she at the meeting today with Steve Who Turned Around Toblerone in Two Years? Yes
Do we know much about her yet?: No. She joined JPod yesterday.
Non-work e-name(s): C13H20N2O2.HCL@shaw.ca
Preferred room temperature: Haven't discussed it, but I'm
guessing 72°F
Favourite game: Yahoo! Games.com's TextTwist (spied on her)
Preferred Simpsons Character: I'm guessing Lisa
Preferred karaoke song: I'm hoping it's one I really like
Food group most prevalent within work cubicle: Gum
Does she notice me?: To be honest, I think not
Will I let her see this particular character report?: No way
Living Cartoon Profile No. 6
Name: Me
Name on birth certificate: Ethan Harrison Jarlewski
Name people actually use: Ethan
Non-work e-name(s): snacklover@gmail.com
Preferred room temperature: 68°F, and I hate hate hate humidity
Most creative thing ever done: An old operating system I invented when I was in high school. I called it Mentos.
Favourite game: Chrono Trigger on Sony PlayStation, a delectable console RPG with art by Akira Toriyama, sound by Yasunori Mitsuda and Nobuo Uematsu
Preferred Simpsons character: Kang and Kodos, the aliens
Preferred karaoke song: None
Reason for not having a preferred karaoke song: I live in fear of karaoke. Even thinking of it in this detached neutral listing format causes me to worry that I might somehow even unintentionally lure karaoke into my life.
Food group most prevalent within work cubicle: Kettle Chips with cracked pepper and lime, even though I suspect they give me bad dreams. Went through a Jell-O Pudding Snacks phase last fall, but now can't even look at the stuff.
Does he consider himself normal?: I used to, but now I wonder. Or rather, I think I'm still normal, but everyone around me is going random. Now I look at most people like recently lit Roman candles, unsure if they're about to go off, or if they're merely duds.
Does he enjoy his job?: The greatest challenge is to have a job without actually doing work, which is really hard to pull off in a company where workspace productivity is measured with just about every conceivable form of metrics
Does he take satisfaction in his approach to work?: Yes
My favourite are John Doe and Cowboy. zainily awesome.