twenty-five
It's the dead of winter. This entry has nothing to do with the weather. The weather is unimportant. What's iortant is that it's fucking freezing. You're me. I'm you. Slip into this metaphor. You're cold. Thhe wind is penetrating your skin and rushing through your viens making your skin rise up in little dots. These goosebumps searching, rising, trying to find warmth. Your thin clothing offers little protection. It's hard to find good protection these days. You pull your knees to your chin, holding your feet in by inserting your hands into your socks. Anywhere to find more protection. You just want warmth. You're so cold that it hurts. It's painful to move anything. Every limb is too stiff to bend. Your ears redden with the cold. Your toes are killing you. You can't even feel your socks and shoes. Only the pain. Only the pain and the desire for warmth. That's all i feel. This is how cold it is here. feel it. Feel your skin drying and flaking. Feel your lips so chapped that it burns. Feel your eyes stinging. Feel the tears freezing on your cheecks. Feel your teeth chattering. Feel your entire body shaking. This is all very important. Waht's most importnat is the searching for warmth. This yearning for anything hot. This need to be warmer before you die. Somebody comes to sit with you. What does he look like? Where did he come from? What is he here for? Is it man or women or beast? What is his character like? Shut Up. You haven't been listening. None of these answers matter. I don't care. He's sitting next to you,as cold as you are. Here is a resource for warmth. You go to him, sliding across the sidewalk, the pavement scraping your ass. It's painful to go to this source, but the end justifies the means. You get closer and closer. manipulating positions to get the most warmth from eachother. Limbs tangled in clothing tangled in limbs. This has nothing to do with fucking. It's to cold to even think about undressing. It's too cold to move enough to grind, or even make out. Fucking is not important. What's important is warmth. Using eachother to feel warmth. Who is he? Is he using you? Is he hurting you? Will he hurt you? Is he the right one for you? Shut The Fuck Up. That is unimportnat. None of that matters. What matters is that he is another body. The only pre-requisit is that he's as warm or warmer than you are. The only ones rejected are the ones colder than you. That's the only standerd. You just need to be warm? Does this make you desperate? Dependant? Pathetic? Needy? Yes. I am all those things. it's so freezing down here. It's so cold that all you can think about is the cold. You have been driven down to the simpliest form of instictive thought. You are cold. Too cold. You must be warmed to survive. This is what you have withered away to. This is you. This is me. We're not there yet. Thank God. It'd not the dead of winter yet. But it is starting to get cold..........