(no subject)
Life has been basically the same. I'm happy. I'm sad. I just am. School. Drivers Ed. Therapy. work. Mom time. Not a lot of hang out with friends stuff but i think i'm realizing that some things are more important than that. like money. and college. and mental health. i miss you guys though and i miss the guys and gals at study and lunch but i have homework to do, so i've been isolating myself. Like everything else, this is a good and bad thing. ah, well. Why do you always fall in love with people that you can't have? Then you just end up accepting the love that you think you deserve and it's all crap. When i'm busy i distract myslef from these things and realize that i don't have time for a boyfriend even if i wanted one. but the wants still there. and the flesh on your stomach grows cold from the desire. not sex. just warmth.
once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it Chops
because that was the name of his dog
and that's what it was all about
and his tacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunt
that was the year father tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed a lot
and the girl around the courner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of x's
and he hasd to ask his dad what the x's ment
and his father always tucked him to bed at night
and was always there to do it
once on a piece of paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
and called it autumn
because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him and A
and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitcheb door
because of its new paint
and the kids told him
that father tracy smoked cigars
anf left putts on the pews
and sometimes they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laghed
and he asked her to go see Santa Claus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his fahter never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it
once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
and called it innocence a question
because that was the question about his girl
and that's what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
that was the year that father tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of the apostle's creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore roo much makeup
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
and at three am he tucked himself into bed
his fahter snoring soundly
that's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and it was called absolutely nothing
because that's what it was all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.
"The perks of being a wallflower"
well, "you know where i'll be found/when i come around". i try to come back soon...........