New Year Malaise, the rant
Ugg, I don't know..... I think I am happy working at Starbucks... is it too demeaning? But what is an appropriate job for a middle age woman anyway? One who has no skills......? I go through Craigslist Classified and I have NO qualifications! I'm not beating myself up, don't worry. It's just that I am only good at building up MY world, my business and I feel very empowered and brilliant in that sphere. But to go into someone else territory, follow their rules and help them get stinking rich.... feels really strange. But then, on the UP- side, I finish my shift and I am done. I am only there to make some $$$$ until my ship comes in, right? My boss and I had a little chat, prompted by me because I am not getting enough hours... and he is talking about how I am "getting up in the years" and that he is taking it slow with me because I can't get things as quick as the kids that work for him. Huh? So, I am old now? Good grief!
Then..... my therapist from a couple of years past comes in. I was hoping she would not recognize me but DAMN IT, she did. She looked SO concerned and urged me to keep painting no matter what. Very maternal but totally annoying. The only way I can survive the indignities of the service industry is to cut off from my "real" life and just immerse myself, kind of like acting in a play, you know? But when people I know from art, etc. are ordering lattes from me... it just depresses me. If I could do it all over, I would have applied for a Starbucks way out of my neighborhood, where nobody knows my name.
I took a month off from painting, December and have now re-opened the studio. Feels so good. I have a lot of ideas. I did sell 4 paintings in December..... one really big one. So, at least that is encouraging.
I have so much to adjust to this year.
This job.
My Mom passing. It should be a relief but I still catch myself worrying about her and then realizing... "Oh right" she is gone.
Ron has a new job. We have less money. But we are happier.
I have NO dogs (sad).
Oh yeah, and I am getting older... I will be 52 on the 17th.
No time for the gym lately (I think my membership is expiring anyway....) and I can't keep the fluffy pounds off.
Anyway, sorry guys......... Facebook is too snappy-happy. Had to come here for a good cry.
Con
Then..... my therapist from a couple of years past comes in. I was hoping she would not recognize me but DAMN IT, she did. She looked SO concerned and urged me to keep painting no matter what. Very maternal but totally annoying. The only way I can survive the indignities of the service industry is to cut off from my "real" life and just immerse myself, kind of like acting in a play, you know? But when people I know from art, etc. are ordering lattes from me... it just depresses me. If I could do it all over, I would have applied for a Starbucks way out of my neighborhood, where nobody knows my name.
I took a month off from painting, December and have now re-opened the studio. Feels so good. I have a lot of ideas. I did sell 4 paintings in December..... one really big one. So, at least that is encouraging.
I have so much to adjust to this year.
This job.
My Mom passing. It should be a relief but I still catch myself worrying about her and then realizing... "Oh right" she is gone.
Ron has a new job. We have less money. But we are happier.
I have NO dogs (sad).
Oh yeah, and I am getting older... I will be 52 on the 17th.
No time for the gym lately (I think my membership is expiring anyway....) and I can't keep the fluffy pounds off.
Anyway, sorry guys......... Facebook is too snappy-happy. Had to come here for a good cry.
Con