late night thoughts and dirty laundry
i'm obsessed with these two songs by Coheed and Cambria:
In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3 (thats the song, not the whole album)
2113
The lyrics from these two songs keep running through my head ("man your own jackhammer/man your battle station/we'll have you dead pretty soon/sincerely written from my brother's blood machine/man your battle station/we'll have you home pretty soon" and "when i fall asleep, your face is all I see" respectivly)
I think its all in the way that he sings it.
I also feel really distant from maya since, well, friday. i think it might be self inflicted. it could also be paranoia. it could also be that i'm right.
in other news... i suck at life
I can't believe that internships are almost over. I've had sooo much fun working with norm, bill, tony and stef. I learned a bunch two. All of it was stuff that some preppy private school could (or would) never have taught me.
Blah! Senior dinner tonight. I really don't wanna go to that shit. I wanna sit home and play guitar. I'm real stressed out. I had a whole internal conversation with myself tonight about how much I thought i needed pot and/or alcohol. Then i realized how pathetic i sounded and told myself to snap out of it. but the thought still lingers.
stupid busses. such a pain in the ass. so are poles that crash into the left front corner of your car.
I keep mentioning friday but i keep not writting what happened. mostly cause i feel that it was so unlike me. but here goes anyway...
I went to brown after work friday. went up to maya's friend's room and had a couple of shots of vodka by in a row at about, maybe, 10. Then i some how managed to down five or so large glasses of a terrible terrible wine, over the course of (i'm guessing here) an hour to an hour and a half. Pretty soon after that came a large vodka mixed drink with orange juice. I remember everything up to that point. who was there, what was said, what everyone's names were, and even a little of what music we listened to. i have one random snipet of memory of someone else coming in the room and then all is blank until 2:30 or so when I suddenly found myself being supported by several others in the hallway making our way to the bathroom. From then on is a lot of puking. But my memory gets clearer. I remember maya's friend debating whether or not to call brown EMS. A few minutes later she was on her phone and when I asked who she was calling she said her mom. I clearly did not believe that, but accepted the fact that EMS would be there soon. The EMS guy's (one of whom was named Andrew, the other didnt tell me his name, and there may have been a third) came soon after. Andrew talked to me a bunch and asked how i was doing, how much i drank, who i was there with, blah blah blah, what my name was, when i was born. He determined that I had puked enough that i would be ok and asked me to sign a refusal form (which says that i declined to go to the hospital, i can't imagine what that signature looks like) and left me on the couch where i slept. I remember a few other details that i'll decline to include here, but otherwise, thats all i remember of friday night. During the periods that my mind cannot recall, i can only assume that i passed out.
and here i am saying that (in self-mocking voice) "oh god, i'm so desperate for alcohol." Sigh.
in other news... i still, suck at life.
In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3 (thats the song, not the whole album)
2113
The lyrics from these two songs keep running through my head ("man your own jackhammer/man your battle station/we'll have you dead pretty soon/sincerely written from my brother's blood machine/man your battle station/we'll have you home pretty soon" and "when i fall asleep, your face is all I see" respectivly)
I think its all in the way that he sings it.
I also feel really distant from maya since, well, friday. i think it might be self inflicted. it could also be paranoia. it could also be that i'm right.
in other news... i suck at life
I can't believe that internships are almost over. I've had sooo much fun working with norm, bill, tony and stef. I learned a bunch two. All of it was stuff that some preppy private school could (or would) never have taught me.
Blah! Senior dinner tonight. I really don't wanna go to that shit. I wanna sit home and play guitar. I'm real stressed out. I had a whole internal conversation with myself tonight about how much I thought i needed pot and/or alcohol. Then i realized how pathetic i sounded and told myself to snap out of it. but the thought still lingers.
stupid busses. such a pain in the ass. so are poles that crash into the left front corner of your car.
I keep mentioning friday but i keep not writting what happened. mostly cause i feel that it was so unlike me. but here goes anyway...
I went to brown after work friday. went up to maya's friend's room and had a couple of shots of vodka by in a row at about, maybe, 10. Then i some how managed to down five or so large glasses of a terrible terrible wine, over the course of (i'm guessing here) an hour to an hour and a half. Pretty soon after that came a large vodka mixed drink with orange juice. I remember everything up to that point. who was there, what was said, what everyone's names were, and even a little of what music we listened to. i have one random snipet of memory of someone else coming in the room and then all is blank until 2:30 or so when I suddenly found myself being supported by several others in the hallway making our way to the bathroom. From then on is a lot of puking. But my memory gets clearer. I remember maya's friend debating whether or not to call brown EMS. A few minutes later she was on her phone and when I asked who she was calling she said her mom. I clearly did not believe that, but accepted the fact that EMS would be there soon. The EMS guy's (one of whom was named Andrew, the other didnt tell me his name, and there may have been a third) came soon after. Andrew talked to me a bunch and asked how i was doing, how much i drank, who i was there with, blah blah blah, what my name was, when i was born. He determined that I had puked enough that i would be ok and asked me to sign a refusal form (which says that i declined to go to the hospital, i can't imagine what that signature looks like) and left me on the couch where i slept. I remember a few other details that i'll decline to include here, but otherwise, thats all i remember of friday night. During the periods that my mind cannot recall, i can only assume that i passed out.
and here i am saying that (in self-mocking voice) "oh god, i'm so desperate for alcohol." Sigh.
in other news... i still, suck at life.