Stressful Times
This week's been incredibly taxing on my mind. I just started summer courses at Portland State, but am realizing quickly that condensed courses are not my cup of tea; I can get through the two history courses, probably, with a bit of overdrive at times. The literature class I had registered for isn't as condensed, but I feel incredibly overwhelmed by it. I don't really know what, if anything, I'd write for the papers, which is all the class is graded on apparently. Having never taken a lit class before, it's just that much more of an unpleasantly stressful reality, and it looks like I might dump it.
In other areas, I'm also stressing out about what I want to do with my life. The plan's been to become a teacher, but I always have doubts about the length of time and amount of cash it's going to take to get there. But what else is there? With my rudimentary employment skills, I don't have the requisite experience or training to get a decent job that could be a career, outside of plebian retail jobs. Even those, I fear, are out of my reach. I could go through classes at PCC to get clerical skills and get a job in an office, and I could get used to it, but is that really all I amount to? There's also automotive maintenance courses at PCC, though they're a long commitment of time (like 12 hours/day), and I don't know that that interests me. But I also don't know that I'm cut out to be a teacher, either.
Beyond me, a couple of our pets are having trouble. Stick, our long-suffering cat who's had sores on his back and has rapidly lost weight over the past year or so, probably has cancer of some sort. He's going to be put to sleep on Friday, rather than let him starve to death first. More troubling is Fritzi, our dog, who had a painful arhritis attack on Tuesday and collapsed in the house, shivering in pain. After going to the vet for a coritzone shot, she hasn't really been able to walk, and now her head is cocked at a strange angle. She can't seem to straighten it out, and she isn't eating much if at all. I'm really worried that we might lose her too, though my mom says she's just got bad arthritis and should be able to get better.
So stress about school, my future, and pets possibly going away (to use a euphemism). That's been my lot this week, and with other stuff on my mind too, it's been hard to sleep because of all the thoughts going through my head. It'd be bad enough for a normal person, but a chronic worrier and self-downer like myself has an even harder time dealing with things. One word really sums all of this up: ick.
In other areas, I'm also stressing out about what I want to do with my life. The plan's been to become a teacher, but I always have doubts about the length of time and amount of cash it's going to take to get there. But what else is there? With my rudimentary employment skills, I don't have the requisite experience or training to get a decent job that could be a career, outside of plebian retail jobs. Even those, I fear, are out of my reach. I could go through classes at PCC to get clerical skills and get a job in an office, and I could get used to it, but is that really all I amount to? There's also automotive maintenance courses at PCC, though they're a long commitment of time (like 12 hours/day), and I don't know that that interests me. But I also don't know that I'm cut out to be a teacher, either.
Beyond me, a couple of our pets are having trouble. Stick, our long-suffering cat who's had sores on his back and has rapidly lost weight over the past year or so, probably has cancer of some sort. He's going to be put to sleep on Friday, rather than let him starve to death first. More troubling is Fritzi, our dog, who had a painful arhritis attack on Tuesday and collapsed in the house, shivering in pain. After going to the vet for a coritzone shot, she hasn't really been able to walk, and now her head is cocked at a strange angle. She can't seem to straighten it out, and she isn't eating much if at all. I'm really worried that we might lose her too, though my mom says she's just got bad arthritis and should be able to get better.
So stress about school, my future, and pets possibly going away (to use a euphemism). That's been my lot this week, and with other stuff on my mind too, it's been hard to sleep because of all the thoughts going through my head. It'd be bad enough for a normal person, but a chronic worrier and self-downer like myself has an even harder time dealing with things. One word really sums all of this up: ick.