Officer/enlisted rank structure
GENERAL: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and gives policy to God.
COLONEL: Leaps short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if the sea is calm, and talks to God.
LIEUTENANT COLONEL: Leaps short buildings with a running start and a favorable wind, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding B-B, walks on water in an indoor swimming pool, and talks to God if a special request is approved.
MAJOR: Barely clears quonset huts, loses tugs-of-war with locomotives, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, and is occasionally addressed by God.
CAPTAIN: Makes high marks when trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotives, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury, can dog paddle, and talks to animals.
1ST LIEUTENANT: Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed, and talks to water.
2ND LIEUTENANT: Falls over doorsills when trying to enter buildings, says "Look at the Choo-choo," wets himself with a water pistol, and mumbles to himself.
NCO: Lifts buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the track, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and chews them. Freezes water with a single glance. He basically IS God!
AIRMAN: Builds the buildings, lays the track and drives the trains, is responsible for arms and munitions, and drinks water and occasionally beer. God smiles on him.
from chairforce.com