in my new house
these past couple of weeks have been agonizing. i am surprised i am still alive. i really should just kill myself. i need to.
charles ana and i have made amends and melissa took me to a NA meeting. she is probrably the only one who will go with me. i live with tracy now!! i guess i finally have a real home.
i am not going to talk about melanie in this entry. i feel as if everything i tried to achieve with her is turning more and more into a stinking pool of shit. but next time i see wes his ass is mine.
i am unsure about my "friends". my "friends" who believe that bringing me out in public and literally screaming at me about drug use witin earshot of some of my co-workers will change my mind. four against one is not a fair fight. especially when the one is not allowed to talk. people dont know shit and they dont know shit about me. i dont need your sympathy, i dont need your encouragement, i dont need your long happy futures. if i want to poison myself, if i overdose and die on you, itll be my own fucking fault. i bet these same people wouldnt let me sleep on thier doorstep if i wanted to. so much for that. i appreciate your efforts, but you CANNOT force feed recovery down someones throat. if you want to talk to me about it, then talk to me. dont accuse, dont yell, dont gang up on me. it will only make things worse. and it will get you on my bad side.
valentines day was yesterday. im sure everyone had fun. i am DYING for a loaf of bread. and i have a hott date with courtnie tonight...yes!
charles ana and i have made amends and melissa took me to a NA meeting. she is probrably the only one who will go with me. i live with tracy now!! i guess i finally have a real home.
i am not going to talk about melanie in this entry. i feel as if everything i tried to achieve with her is turning more and more into a stinking pool of shit. but next time i see wes his ass is mine.
i am unsure about my "friends". my "friends" who believe that bringing me out in public and literally screaming at me about drug use witin earshot of some of my co-workers will change my mind. four against one is not a fair fight. especially when the one is not allowed to talk. people dont know shit and they dont know shit about me. i dont need your sympathy, i dont need your encouragement, i dont need your long happy futures. if i want to poison myself, if i overdose and die on you, itll be my own fucking fault. i bet these same people wouldnt let me sleep on thier doorstep if i wanted to. so much for that. i appreciate your efforts, but you CANNOT force feed recovery down someones throat. if you want to talk to me about it, then talk to me. dont accuse, dont yell, dont gang up on me. it will only make things worse. and it will get you on my bad side.
valentines day was yesterday. im sure everyone had fun. i am DYING for a loaf of bread. and i have a hott date with courtnie tonight...yes!