Personal *whatnow*...?
Ah, you've got to love how much of a virginial prude the world can be sometimes.
I scanned this from one of those door-to-door catalogues that roam the streets.
If you bought this for a backache, toothache or migraines, you're in need of special help, and you sure have a LOT to learn about the world.
How risque did they try to make it though, like a Spy passing on knowledge back to base:
"Personal Massager - Deep, Satisfying Vibration massage..."
It's a vibrator, duh. It's used for...well, if you don't know, you're either a clueless male, under age, or both.
"Feel Good, Feel relaxed, Extra-long, Variable speed."
If this doesn't make your toes wiggle, it's you, not it. It's longer for you greedy bastards, or makes it easier to hold with both hands if you're not one of those people.
Three speeds, slow, faster, and 'Holy shit, I can see coloured spots dancing as I c-OOOH!'.
"Massage away stress and tension."
Wank the long day away.
"Deep penetrating massage soothes aching muscles and helps stimulate circulation."
Guaranteed to go further than guys named Tyrone or Big Daddy D-Funk, with the end result being you'll be able to cut glass three ways without limbs nor tools."
"For use on neck, shoulders, back - anywhere on your body."
Hey genius, we were kidding about the first three. Seriously, you look like a dick doing that. For the love of God, look up "dildo", "phallis" or "vibrator" in a dictionary. We'll wait.
"Uses 2 C batterries (not included)."
We can't spell for shit.
"#33840 Regular 7" Massager........$14.95"
Longer than typical white guys, half a new CD's cost.
"#33841 Deluxe 10" Massager........$19.95"
Longer than most well equipped black guys, same price as a CD currently on special.
I scanned this from one of those door-to-door catalogues that roam the streets.
If you bought this for a backache, toothache or migraines, you're in need of special help, and you sure have a LOT to learn about the world.
How risque did they try to make it though, like a Spy passing on knowledge back to base:
"Personal Massager - Deep, Satisfying Vibration massage..."
It's a vibrator, duh. It's used for...well, if you don't know, you're either a clueless male, under age, or both.
"Feel Good, Feel relaxed, Extra-long, Variable speed."
If this doesn't make your toes wiggle, it's you, not it. It's longer for you greedy bastards, or makes it easier to hold with both hands if you're not one of those people.
Three speeds, slow, faster, and 'Holy shit, I can see coloured spots dancing as I c-OOOH!'.
"Massage away stress and tension."
Wank the long day away.
"Deep penetrating massage soothes aching muscles and helps stimulate circulation."
Guaranteed to go further than guys named Tyrone or Big Daddy D-Funk, with the end result being you'll be able to cut glass three ways without limbs nor tools."
"For use on neck, shoulders, back - anywhere on your body."
Hey genius, we were kidding about the first three. Seriously, you look like a dick doing that. For the love of God, look up "dildo", "phallis" or "vibrator" in a dictionary. We'll wait.
"Uses 2 C batterries (not included)."
We can't spell for shit.
"#33840 Regular 7" Massager........$14.95"
Longer than typical white guys, half a new CD's cost.
"#33841 Deluxe 10" Massager........$19.95"
Longer than most well equipped black guys, same price as a CD currently on special.