school fantasy
I think I'm nursing a latent crush on Yale. I never did fall out of love with that school. And now that I am for the first time ever beginning to take school seriously, old embers are warming up again. Whenever I made something my priority, I've tended to pour my heart and soul into it. When I was young, that was church, in high school, it was ROTC. Soon afterward, it was Charlie. Then I floundered for a bit, not really having anything to focus on, but when I headed out to Santa Fe, I decided to be a functional adult. And I was good at it. I did well at work and paid all my bills on time. I think my stifling feelings of frustration and impotence for the last however many months has stemmed from an inability to work on what I cared for. Finances and legalities kept me out of Alabama and London. I was resentful and petulant because there was a passion I felt, but I couldn't get at it.
I find myself recently thinking of classes as what my life now is. For the first time, perhaps ever, I consider myself defined as a student. Much credit must be given to Jorge, having someone around who cares about class has definitely rubbed off on me. But one of the biggest indications of my new mindset is that I find myself fantasizing about being a student at Yale. Not being there with anyone in particular, just for myself. I always overly-romanticize what I love (sometimes leading to disatrous results) and I know I don't have any real chance of ever attending Yale. I know I'll be happy at any college I get to that can challenge me. But just the fact that I am enamored of a school rather than a person is pretty exciting for me. If my infatuation can survive the classes I'm taking this semester, I may have a real shot.
I find myself recently thinking of classes as what my life now is. For the first time, perhaps ever, I consider myself defined as a student. Much credit must be given to Jorge, having someone around who cares about class has definitely rubbed off on me. But one of the biggest indications of my new mindset is that I find myself fantasizing about being a student at Yale. Not being there with anyone in particular, just for myself. I always overly-romanticize what I love (sometimes leading to disatrous results) and I know I don't have any real chance of ever attending Yale. I know I'll be happy at any college I get to that can challenge me. But just the fact that I am enamored of a school rather than a person is pretty exciting for me. If my infatuation can survive the classes I'm taking this semester, I may have a real shot.