Thoughts on a past half forgotton...
Lately I've been swimming in a sea of nostalgia. My want for the old days drives me to wonder 'what if'. Now, me being strongly against 'what ifs', this is odd. I strongly believe that worrying about something that could never happen, or something that might have happened, is like paying interest on money you may never borrow. It's pointless, and time is better spent in the here and now. Stop whining about the past and worrying about the future. Bitching about the present is so much more fun. Maybe that's sort of a thickheaded approach to things. For instance, living for the moment leads to snags that could have been foreseen. So I do believe that a certain amount of present caution should be used. But a lot of life has to do with the past. We learn from our mistakes, live off our lessons and experience, and grow with foresight.
A lot of the time I look back on the past and have urges to be who I was back then. Like my present self, my past self had faults and problems, whether it be a hot temper, bad character, warped morals or lack of maturity. I do like to absorb and keep parts of who I was, integrating bits and pieces into myself like a giant Lego statue, changing the colors, adjusting the blocks. Unlike a game of Jenga, it's hard to collapse yourself with Legos. Plus Legos are just awesome, anyway. I think one of the things I like so much about myself is that I have a loose mind. I can accept pretty much anything. That is both a gift and a curse. I don't know if it's a fault or not, but I tend to not give a shit about some world events. Like, on 9/11 and the year after, I cried. But I feel nothing for those New Orleans victims. Maybe it's a taste of my inner sociopath, or a glimpse into who I once was. But my goals are to become someone stronger, someone less easily moved, someone with a mind as sharp as his tongue.
It's fun to think about that sort of thing.
A lot of the time I look back on the past and have urges to be who I was back then. Like my present self, my past self had faults and problems, whether it be a hot temper, bad character, warped morals or lack of maturity. I do like to absorb and keep parts of who I was, integrating bits and pieces into myself like a giant Lego statue, changing the colors, adjusting the blocks. Unlike a game of Jenga, it's hard to collapse yourself with Legos. Plus Legos are just awesome, anyway. I think one of the things I like so much about myself is that I have a loose mind. I can accept pretty much anything. That is both a gift and a curse. I don't know if it's a fault or not, but I tend to not give a shit about some world events. Like, on 9/11 and the year after, I cried. But I feel nothing for those New Orleans victims. Maybe it's a taste of my inner sociopath, or a glimpse into who I once was. But my goals are to become someone stronger, someone less easily moved, someone with a mind as sharp as his tongue.
It's fun to think about that sort of thing.