Catch Chapter 5
Title: Catch, Chapter 5
Fandom: Yellow
Characters: Goh, Taki, Naomi
Beta: Special thanks, again, go to youkai_girl, without whom this chapter may never have been finished. Constant prodding and feedback really make a difference in motivation to write...
Length: 5489
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Spoilers for all of the manga.
Summary: Things get complicated as Goh grapples with his dreams and Taki grapples with his past.
Notes: Some dialogue lifted from the EX scanlation. I hope the smut in this chapter makes up, even a little bit, for both the lack of it in the last chapter, and the long wait since the last chapter.
Disclaimer: Yellow is owned by Makoto Tateno; I'm just borrowing it so I can make myself feel better about the plotholes...
Nightmare
Goh didn't question what he was doing here, standing behind the bar with his pants around his ankles, Taki on his knees in front of him. The sensation he was experiencing was far too pleasurable to want to deny. When he walked in just a few minutes ago he'd passed some woman. He hadn't bothered to look at her face or otherwise identify her in any way, but the fact that she'd been the last one out, the last one Taki'd "served" before closing, had irritated him.
Taki's "consolation" this time had been this offer, and while Goh hadn't refused, or rather, couldn't refuse, he was still agitated. His plan was to make sure Taki knew who he belonged to, who was in control of his needs and desires. It wasn't some woman, it was him. The fact that the woman was essentially just some random customer was lost on him. Taki was his now, finally, and he wasn't going to share him with anyone.
Goh quickly approached his peak, but as he attempted to pull Taki away, to finish this on his own terms, he found himself suddenly weak. He wondered if he'd misjudged the timing as Taki's grip on his hips tightened and he forced the last of Goh's resistance out of him. There was a brief shuddering of breath and then complete silence.
Spent, Goh attempted to compose himself. Taki was standing up as Goh swayed backwards, resting his weight against the bar. It seemed the other man wasn’t finished and he leaned in to press his lips against Goh’s. The kiss intensified when Taki grabbed at the back of Goh’s head, pushing against his lips and sliding his tongue inside.
When Taki drew back, Goh let out a sigh.
“Taki...”
“Shh,” Taki hushed as he leaned down to press his lips against Goh’s nape, then his collarbone, scraping against it lightly with his teeth.
“..W-wait...” Goh tried to push back against Taki, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Taki wasn’t behaving normally. This was too aggressive.
“Why should I wait,” Taki asked as he ignored Goh’s resistance and pushed at Goh’s unbuttoned shirt, transferring his attention to the bare chest before him. “It’s my turn now.”
Panic finally set in as Goh realized his energy was completely sapped. How could one little orgasm render him so completely powerless? He pushed at Taki again, but Taki responded this time by grabbing his wrists.
“W-what are you doing?” His voice was begging as he struggled to free himself unsuccessfully.
“What do you mean? I said it was my turn,” Taki replied as he wrenched Goh’s wrists around to turn the other man into and then over the bar. One hand held his wrists in place as a second grabbed at his thighs, forcing them apart.
The last thing he remembered was a mumbled, “I guess you'll do,” and a searing pain in his lower back...
...Goh awoke in a sweat. He wasn’t sure if he’d hollered himself awake, but there didn’t seem to be any response from Taki. Taki... where was he? Goh looked at the pillow next to him. The other snatcher wasn’t there. He reached over and felt that the pillow was cold, so he hadn’t been there recently. He searched his brain, trying to collect his thoughts.
That was right, they’d gotten in very late, close to dawn in fact, having easily procured the drugs from that dumb girl and beaten a few thugs for good measure. She’d run off into the night alone. If she was smart she’d skip town and never return, but Goh really didn’t care what happened to her at all. When they got home Taki was acting “normal,” or as close to that word as he was capable. Goh’d always had a sense that Taki was on edge around him. He chalked it up to homophobia for the first year, and since then to insecurity in his new homosexual relationship, but it was still there, nagging at Goh to see it for what it really was: Taki was wary of him, and not just because he was gay. He knew that Goh was adept at reading people, a skill he himself lacked in social relationships. Taki knew that if something was up, some slight irregularity in his breathing or posture or voice, that the other man would pick up on it right away, and it scared him.
What tipped off Goh’s radar tonight was how Taki brought up their arrangement from earlier in the evening. He’d promised the snatcher that they could pick up where they’d left off if Goh behaved himself, and, as far as Taki knew, he had. He’d made no grumblings during the operation with that girl and no sexual advances whatsoever throughout the night. Taki was clearly led to believe that Goh was acting the part of the “good boy” in order to obtain his prize as soon as they got home. And it wasn’t so much the fact that Taki seemed eager to reward Goh for his behavior as his nervousness in doing so. It was a tick, really: a way Taki cocked his head to the side, acting coy, and leaning his body against the wall that was the tip-off. Something was behind Taki’s eyes, but of course Taki had no idea that Goh knew a little more than nothing about what that was.
When Goh’d approached and embraced him, Taki’d shuddered a little, nervously. He was hiding something and all of Goh’s fears that he’d hoped would be assuaged by Taki’s body language in his arms were instead pricked tighter against his nerves. Any sense that he might have had to go about “business as usual” dissolved inside him. The kiss that Taki assumed would follow the embrace was reduced instead to a peck on the cheek and an apology that he was simply too “tired” now, but, oh, he’d take a rain-check for later if that was okay. Taki’s humored affirmation of consent for the new arrangement was accompanied by muted relief that left a pang in Goh’s chest. He held Taki for a moment more before withdrawing to his room. Taki reached after him, his hand slipping off Goh’s arm, a little concern in his eyes, but also a sense that he was reassuring himself that everything was fine and Goh really was just tired. He’d called after Goh that he’d join him in bed after he did a little more work settling the case and arranging a drop time and place for the drugs in the morning or afternoon.
But it seemed he never had come to bed. Goh, restless, had laid on the mattress, trying not to consider all of the things that were wrong with the situation he was in. As the sun peeked itself above the horizon Goh willed himself to sleep, trying to ignore all of that discomfort. He’d always somehow been good at that: pushing his pain away and going about his day like it wasn’t affecting him at all. It would work for a little longer he knew, but as it always did, it would creep up on him eventually, shattering him emotionally. He’d never even considered how quickly his subconscious would make him relive his insecurities, in his sleep no less.
The dream had startled him awake, but he was only left restless again. If Taki wasn’t in his room, there was really only one other place to look. Goh, in nothing but his boxers, padded into the living room, finding his partner leaning against the window, a cigarette drooping loosely from his lips. The computer behind him was turned on and it seemed Taki was waiting for an upload or download to finish. More details for their other two cases, he suspected. Why that couldn’t have waited ‘till morning irritated Goh, and not just because it was a nasty habit of Taki’s to do things like this. It was clear Taki was avoiding coming to bed. He was avoiding Goh and that made him more upset than anything.
Whatever this thing with this woman was that Taki didn’t want him to know was clearly something to be concerned about. The sky outside was cloudy and grey. A storm looked about to hit. Taki’s eyes were distant and it took him several moments to notice the other man approaching. Goh deliberately moved the long way around the room, sweeping past the TV and couch to stand in Taki’s view on the other side of the couch. The only light in the shadowy room, from the computer, cast an eerie glow as Taki shifted to meet the clearly unhappy gaze of his lover. He could make an excuse about “losing track of time,” and it wasn’t that he thought Goh wouldn’t believe it so much as he knew Goh didn’t care what the reason was, only that he’d awoken alone, again. And Goh didn’t seem too interested in asking why he was still up or in hearing any explanation Taki might give.
“I think I’ll take that rain-check now,” he whispered as he approached and pressed Taki backwards towards the computer. Taki submitted wordlessly, finding no legitimate pretext to refuse. The cigarette fell out of his mouth and onto the carpet. Goh crushed it with his bare foot as he advanced.
He wasted no time, unbuttoning Taki’s pants and removing his shirt. He wasn’t being gentle in the least, and though Taki feared for the ferocity of the sex that was to come, he had no cause to refuse it. Pushed against the back of the desk chair, he rested one hand on it for balance and in an attempt to steel his nerves for what was to come.
Goh was already hard. He’d woken up with an erection and it had only partially softened by the time he’d come into the living room. His patience was worn thin and his embarrassment over the dream fueling the other half of his intensity towards his partner’s body. He decided to start where the dream did and kissed down Taki’s chest, working his way to the other’s waistline. With little effort he pushed Taki’s pants and underwear out of the way and took his sex in one hand.
Taki’d received many blowjobs from Goh in the short few months of their relationship. It was, in fact, one of the first things Goh ever offered him. The first time had been strange, and more than a little embarrassing. He thought he would be more adverse to another man, as opposed to all the women who’d done it before, handling him there, but with this particular man it was like submitting himself to his love all over again. It thrilled him in a way he never felt with those women and he wondered if Goh’d ever experienced it like this before. Taki’d never offered and Goh’d never asked. He actually found it surprising in the whole of their trip abroad, or since, it’d never come up. They’d done enough of practically everything else together. The other day in the shower notwithstanding, Taki’d barely ever tried to touch Goh there, let alone use his mouth.
It was bothering him now, as he realized Goh was doing all the work in their sex life and Taki wasn’t giving him anything in return. He didn’t like owing anything, and that included in sex. He’d been accepting fellatio from Goh for two months and hadn’t granted it even once. This was somehow, even in the heat of his current guilt, or perhaps partially because of it, too much for him to bear.
“Goh... Wait.”
“Why?” Goh picked his head up, annoyed at the disruption in his focus.
“...Let me... Do yours, too,” he managed.
Goh froze. It was just like the dream. The one that always started in the bar. He’d been wanting this moment for weeks, but at the same time fearing it. The dream he’d just awoken from was fresh in his mind and he grappled with the logical understanding that it had been, by its nature, outside the realm of his control. This situation was not. In fact, he held all the power right now, but even though he had the right of refusal, he knew deep down that Taki probably had a very legitimate reason for offering. And he knew quite well that he would not only damage Taki’s pride, but possibly ruin any chance the other man would ever make this offer again. He just needed to stay in control.
Only a few moments had passed, but to Goh it felt like forever. He let go of Taki’s member at last and stood up. Before he let Taki kneel down in his place he wanted to make sure the other man knew the score. He kissed him once, putting his hands on each side of the other’s head and keeping them there as his partner knelt.
As Taki moved into position he was cautioned, “Don’t force yourself.”
Taki nodded as he pulled Goh’s boxers down. He’d gotten himself into this and now he had to follow through. Touching his lover’s erection, he swallowed his fear and doubt. This was Goh, the man he loved. There was nothing about him he shouldn’t be aware nor inch of his body he wasn’t willing to touch. A year ago the very thought of doing something like this would have been enough to make him retch. Now, it was really more a matter of his fear that he wouldn’t do it right. It didn’t help that Goh was tense. He seemed more nervous about this than Taki did.
After a few tentative laves with his tongue, Taki inhaled deeply. He opened his mouth and pushed his lips around the tip, sliding his tongue down with them. The sensation was odd, but not disgusting. The texture wasn’t the same as sucking on a finger, and the size of course was different, but not unpleasant. The most striking thing was perhaps the scent. It was like a concentrated dose of Goh: nearly overwhelming and stimulating at the same time.
He’d never felt this way with women. With them the act of oral stimulation was a thrill unto itself. He reveled in his ability to make them squirm with nothing but his tongue. That same thrill existed now, but so did an ache. It was the same ache he felt every time he saw Goh smile. Not one of the fake smiles that hid his anxiety, but one of the genuine ones that he knew were a result of Taki’s efforts to make him happy. Every time he saw one of those smiles he wanted to repeat whatever it was that caused it again and again to see the same result. It was irrational and embarrassing and he would never, ever tell Goh about it, but it was there nonetheless.
He glanced up to see Goh’s eyes shut tight in concentration. He wondered if he made the same face when Goh did this for him. The other man’s breathing had become heavier and his grip on Taki’s head tighter. He was getting closer, for sure. Taki felt like, if he pushed just a little more, with a bit more intensity, he could see something from Goh that was completely new. Something that was completely his.
But Goh had other ideas.
Abruptly pulled away, Taki looked up again. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” was the immediate reply as the other man pulled Taki to his feet once more. He was pushed backwards again, knocking the chair to one side. It was hard not to trip with his pants falling loosely around his thighs, but Goh had a good hold on him and before his back could meet the monitor, he was wrenched around. It would come now, hot and fast, he was sure.
Again, Goh wasted no time. He pushed Taki’s pants the rest of the way down, grabbed one of his thighs and pulled it back and out. Taki slipped one foot out of its pant leg and steadied himself with hands on either side of the keyboard. Before Goh entered him he grabbed at Taki’s hips again, pulling them back farther. There was panting from both of them as Goh seated himself. Despite Taki’s saliva being the only lubricant, Goh worked carefully, ensuring there was as little discomfort for his lover as possible. He might be angry, but he wasn’t going to hurt Taki.
Taki shuddered as he thought about it, about the amount of self-control Goh had, of the situation, but most of all, of Taki himself. It was practically effortless. Goh’s thrusts were shallow and quick, but his grip on Taki was unmistakably secure. Taki noted that his lover’s breathing was more pronounced than normal, but perhaps that was due to him being more aware of Goh’s reactions at the moment. He desperately wanted to touch himself, but he was pulled too far back to keep his balance with one hand.
Goh might have noticed this, or it might have just been because he was so close himself, but he changed angles, pushing against Taki’s prostate on each now deeper thrust. Panting turned to whimpering as Taki approached his climax. Goh’s nails were dug into Taki’s hips as his pace became almost brutal; they’d be leaving marks. Taki flung his arms inward, grasping at the keyboard. The download had finished, probably a while ago, he thought absently, but what he really needed was an anchor against the wave that was about to sweep over him. He couldn’t keep his grip on it, though, as Goh’s thrusting had become wild, pushing him forward. He gripped the edge of the table instead. Saliva from his mouth dripped down to the floor as his whimpers at last turned to cries of ecstasy. The sound might have been the cue Goh needed. In the last second before he crested over the edge, he loosened his grip, pushing one hand low on Taki’s back and the other wrapped around his sex, trying desperately to beat him to that climax. They came almost simultaneously, Taki with a cry and Goh with one of the most grudging moans he’d ever heard.
Taki was spent. He wanted to go straight to bed, but he needed to go over the details of the drug drop this afternoon with Goh, so he could get some rest before his shift tonight at the bar. It was also clear that Goh wasn’t going to sit back and let Taki deal with the third case on his own. With the target being a woman, in the past Goh would just leave him to it, claiming to not want to be involved in any way with the other sex. But now, their relationship being what it was, and Goh’s jealousy at an all-time high, he would almost certainly want to keep tabs on Taki about this case. If he wanted to keep the details of his relationship with Naomi under wraps he’d need to move fast, and in the meantime placate Goh with frequent updates and clarity of his devotion to the other man, and not her. Of course, Taki had no way of knowing yet that Goh already knew that he and Naomi were not strangers. Goh would be keeping that fact to himself for just a little longer.
He peered up at Goh from the couch where he was now resting. The other man was straightening up the room a bit after their activities. It was somewhat surreal considering all he still wore were his boxers, but the sight wasn’t unpleasant at all. In fact, he found himself quite surprised about the degree to which he did not have a problem with sexualizing his relationship with another man. Or more accurately, this man. He’d even... with his mouth tonight. He was a little embarrassed about that, but he’d finally made that overture and he was quite satisfied with its seeming results. Goh didn’t let him finish, but he very much seemed to enjoy it. He found himself equally surprised to be thinking about how “next time” he’d go all the way. He wanted to show Goh just how much he could do for him. He wanted to show Goh his devotion with his body, since he had so much difficulty expressing it in words.
As Goh walked over to pick up the fallen desk chair he peered at the computer screen. “Is this file download for the drop this afternoon?”
“Yeah,” Taki replied with a yawn.
Goh nodded. “I’ll take care of it. You should go to bed.” He looked concerned and Taki wondered if his concern was about Taki staying up to do this work, or about the rough time he’d just been given.
“I’m okay,” Taki offered. He hoped it would assuage Goh’s worries in either case.
“Well, in that case,” Goh smirked as he approached the couch, “how about another round?”
“Not satisfied, then,” Taki queried, a twinkle of playfulness in his eyes.
“I’ll never be satisfied, Taki. I’ll always want more of you.”
Goh’s words were spoken with the same playful tone, but there was an unusual intensity in his eyes now. Taki had to wonder what it meant, or if in his exhaustion he was simply seeing things. Maybe it was just a remnant of Goh’s irritation about waking up alone again. He needed to stop leaving Goh by himself at night. He knew the other man didn’t like it. But, then again, at the same time Goh was an adult and he should be able to be by himself once in a while. Spoiling him like this, giving in to his whims, was a dangerous proposition. At some point he would need to “cut the chord” and get Goh to understand the limits of their dependency on each other. It would become unhealthy otherwise.
Goh leaned over him for another kiss. Taki accepted it without resistance.
“It’s weird when you’re so compliant, you know,” Goh observed.
“But I promised to give you whatever you wanted tonight,” Taki explained.
“But it’s morning now,” Goh corrected.
Taki glanced up out the window. It was decidedly daytime, even if the sky was overcast.
“Ah, well in that case...” Taki smiled as he pulled away.
Goh feigned pouting, but didn’t pursue him. It was clear he knew Taki was tired.
“The weather report said it was going to rain all day,” Taki said absently, staring out the window like he had been before Goh came into the room earlier.
Goh looked out the window as well, his face unreadable. They continued this way for a few more minutes before Taki excused himself to bed, reminding him they’d go over the plan for the third case again in the afternoon over a late lunch or early dinner, after Goh made the drug drop and before he left for his shift at the bar.
Reading through the downloaded file, Goh calculated his available time until then. Since the bar wouldn’t be open until later in the afternoon, and since Taki would actually be there then anyway, he’d have to do his snooping around in the off-hours. He thought he’d remembered from the file that this woman lived near the bar, either above it or across the street or something. The files were in Taki’s room, and he couldn’t well go in and take them without arousing suspicions, so he’d have to work from what he could remember about it.
The target was a corporate executive. They were hired to find, and snatch, some “sensitive” documents. Attempts to locate them at the target’s office and home turned up nothing, but revelations about a romantic relationship with this female bartender suggested he may have stashed them with her. The amount known about this woman was sparse. All that was really known was her name, the nature of her relationship with the target, her job, where she lived and that she had a kid. He couldn’t connect her to Taki with such limited details. He’d have to find out more by observing her himself. Looking at the desktop’s computer, Goh calculated he had just over three hours to spare. He needed to get moving.
Leaving Goh in the living room, Taki went straight to bed. He’d shower and dress later when he woke up, but right now he was too tired and distracted to focus on anything but getting a few hours of sleep. Finally seeing Naomi again after so long was bringing back all kinds of memories. There were the memories, of course, of his escape from that terrible night six years ago, but also about what came next. Of the years he spent in the arms of different women. Running from one to the next, trying to escape his past. He regretted it now, how he all but consciously took advantage of them. Most of their names he couldn’t even remember. They seemed like an endless stream of places to sleep and bodies to warm himself against, but he remembered Naomi. She was the first woman who took him in, who showed him the sort of genuine kindness he’d come to believe at the time that he hadn’t really ever received from Mizuki. As he drifted between awareness and sleep, fueled by the shifting weather, those memories returned.
---
Taki had run all night and through the next day to get away from his foster parents. He made it several towns over by running, walking, hitching rides and using the little change in his pocket to pay bus fare. It got cold and started to rain, so he took shelter in the hallway of an apartment building, sneaking in with some residents. He couldn’t rest, even though he was exhausted. His anxiety over his escape and the potential that Katsuro or Mizuki could be trying to find him gnawed at him. He hadn’t eaten at all in two days. Even if he’d had money to buy any, he felt too ill to his stomach for it. So he paced in hall in the late hours of the night, unable to even sit, hoping none of the residents got suspicious of his presence there.
It was close to 2 am when a woman came in. She looked to be in her early to mid twenties, very beautiful with long brown hair, tied back in a ponytail. Taki stepped around a corner to let her pass, and quietly she did, but what happened next would change a lot of things, both for Taki and for this woman.
Instead of continuing on to her apartment, she stopped and turned, looked at Taki, who, startled, could only stare back at her, and asked him a question:
“What’s wrong, no place to go?”
He couldn’t understand what it meant for a moment. How could she know something like that? Then it dawned on him how he was dressed: too lightly for the weather and rather disheveled. He was also pretty young for someone out by himself so late at night during the week. He looked like a runaway and didn’t think he could come up with a good lie about what he was doing there, but he also didn’t want to make apologies and run back out into the weather.
He didn’t seem to have to, though. Remarkably, or rather unbelievably, the woman didn’t turn him out or call the police and have him taken away. She didn’t even seem inclined to wait for his response. Instead she looked him up and down for another moment, then took his hand in hers and lead him down the hall.
“Come on then, let’s get you out of this cold and into some dry clothes,” she spoke, focusing her attention to her pocket and drawing out her keys as they walked.
Taki didn’t know quite what to do. Why was this woman taking him in like this? Did he really look so pathetic? Was she some kind of saint? He was cold, and tired and hungry, though, and didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to stay out of sight and off the streets for a night. He figured if this woman was offering him the hospitality of one night’s rest, he should take advantage of it, since it wasn’t likely anyone else would be offering such kindness again anytime soon. He didn’t resist her and said nothing as she unlocked the door to her apartment and led him inside.
Once inside, with the door shut quietly, she let go of him, dropped her keys and took off her coat and shoes. Taki followed suit by removing his own shoes. Then she led him to the bathroom to take a warm shower while she went into her bedroom and emerged with some clean clothes. They were men’s clothes. They probably belonged to her boyfriend, Taki thought. Although a bit large for him, he took them gratefully, though still wordlessly. The shower was heavenly. It was like washing off the memories of what happened with Mizuki along with the filth of two days of running. The steam made his mind hazy and unable to focus on all of the things that had been worrying him: being chased, being caught, being killed, but most of all, what he had done. He felt safe for the first time in those two days.
Emerging from the bathroom he found the woman in the kitchen, brewing some tea. She turned and smiled at him, obviously pleased by the sight of him finally relaxed and cleaned up. He thanked her for the shower and clothes and she motioned for him to sit down on the couch, handing him a cup of tea.
“So, what’s your name,” she asked, sitting down next to him, still calmly smiling.
Taki found himself newly anxious. Not because he was afraid of his potential pursuers anymore, but he was now alone with a woman he didn’t know, without any knowledge of her motivations or what she would do with the information he gave her. But he needed to answer her, and telling her just his name probably wouldn’t cause him any harm. He slowly brought the cup to his lips and took a sip, feeling the hot liquid slide down his throat, warming him, then drew it back down before he finally managed, “...Taki.” He didn’t looks at her as he spoke. Choosing instead to focus on the liquid inside the cup. He must have cut an adorable picture of awkward youth.
She patiently watched him, not rushing his answer or acting suspicious of its honesty. “That’s a nice name. Like ‘waterfall?’ How do you write it?”
“No... With katakana,” he responded. She was being nice, trying to make conversation and giving him the benefit of the doubt. He felt obliged not to lie or withhold too much, but he still kept his guard up.
“I see. Well, Taki, my name is Naomi. It’s written with the characters for ‘honest’ and ‘beautiful,’” she replied as she watched him sip his tea. He didn’t know how to respond, so she continued. “How old are you, Taki?”
“...I’ll be eighteen in a few months,” Taki lied. He was only just sixteen, but he thought if she believed he was closer to high school graduate age, she’d be less inclined to report him to the police.
“And why can’t you go home, Taki?” He noticed her consistent use if his name when she addressed him. She really was genuinely trying to make him feel comfortable.
Taki thought for a moment and chose his words carefully. “...There’s... nowhere to go back to.”
“Okay. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I don't have a spare futon, but you can sleep out here on the couch tonight. I’ll bring you a blanket.” She got up and went to a closet, bringing back a thick, soft blanket.
When he took it from her hands he tried to smile earnestly and said, “Thank you, Naomi-san.”
“Just ‘Naomi’ is fine. You’ll make me feel like an old lady with that kind of formality,” she joked. “Go ahead and get some sleep now.”
Taki nodded his assent, yawning now for the first time in days.
“Good night, Taki.”
“Good night, Naomi-sa-- Naomi,” Taki corrected himself, watching her smile in response.
With that she left Taki in the living room and went to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. It was after 3 am and Taki was weary. He laid the blanket over himself and passed out quickly, ignoring his pangs of hunger and newly discovered desire to eat, not bothering to wonder what the next day would bring, but hoping against hope that it would feel as warm and safe as he did right now. The rain kept coming down outside, but he didn’t hear it anymore.
Fandom: Yellow
Characters: Goh, Taki, Naomi
Beta: Special thanks, again, go to youkai_girl, without whom this chapter may never have been finished. Constant prodding and feedback really make a difference in motivation to write...
Length: 5489
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Spoilers for all of the manga.
Summary: Things get complicated as Goh grapples with his dreams and Taki grapples with his past.
Notes: Some dialogue lifted from the EX scanlation. I hope the smut in this chapter makes up, even a little bit, for both the lack of it in the last chapter, and the long wait since the last chapter.
Disclaimer: Yellow is owned by Makoto Tateno; I'm just borrowing it so I can make myself feel better about the plotholes...
Nightmare
Goh didn't question what he was doing here, standing behind the bar with his pants around his ankles, Taki on his knees in front of him. The sensation he was experiencing was far too pleasurable to want to deny. When he walked in just a few minutes ago he'd passed some woman. He hadn't bothered to look at her face or otherwise identify her in any way, but the fact that she'd been the last one out, the last one Taki'd "served" before closing, had irritated him.
Taki's "consolation" this time had been this offer, and while Goh hadn't refused, or rather, couldn't refuse, he was still agitated. His plan was to make sure Taki knew who he belonged to, who was in control of his needs and desires. It wasn't some woman, it was him. The fact that the woman was essentially just some random customer was lost on him. Taki was his now, finally, and he wasn't going to share him with anyone.
Goh quickly approached his peak, but as he attempted to pull Taki away, to finish this on his own terms, he found himself suddenly weak. He wondered if he'd misjudged the timing as Taki's grip on his hips tightened and he forced the last of Goh's resistance out of him. There was a brief shuddering of breath and then complete silence.
Spent, Goh attempted to compose himself. Taki was standing up as Goh swayed backwards, resting his weight against the bar. It seemed the other man wasn’t finished and he leaned in to press his lips against Goh’s. The kiss intensified when Taki grabbed at the back of Goh’s head, pushing against his lips and sliding his tongue inside.
When Taki drew back, Goh let out a sigh.
“Taki...”
“Shh,” Taki hushed as he leaned down to press his lips against Goh’s nape, then his collarbone, scraping against it lightly with his teeth.
“..W-wait...” Goh tried to push back against Taki, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Taki wasn’t behaving normally. This was too aggressive.
“Why should I wait,” Taki asked as he ignored Goh’s resistance and pushed at Goh’s unbuttoned shirt, transferring his attention to the bare chest before him. “It’s my turn now.”
Panic finally set in as Goh realized his energy was completely sapped. How could one little orgasm render him so completely powerless? He pushed at Taki again, but Taki responded this time by grabbing his wrists.
“W-what are you doing?” His voice was begging as he struggled to free himself unsuccessfully.
“What do you mean? I said it was my turn,” Taki replied as he wrenched Goh’s wrists around to turn the other man into and then over the bar. One hand held his wrists in place as a second grabbed at his thighs, forcing them apart.
The last thing he remembered was a mumbled, “I guess you'll do,” and a searing pain in his lower back...
...Goh awoke in a sweat. He wasn’t sure if he’d hollered himself awake, but there didn’t seem to be any response from Taki. Taki... where was he? Goh looked at the pillow next to him. The other snatcher wasn’t there. He reached over and felt that the pillow was cold, so he hadn’t been there recently. He searched his brain, trying to collect his thoughts.
That was right, they’d gotten in very late, close to dawn in fact, having easily procured the drugs from that dumb girl and beaten a few thugs for good measure. She’d run off into the night alone. If she was smart she’d skip town and never return, but Goh really didn’t care what happened to her at all. When they got home Taki was acting “normal,” or as close to that word as he was capable. Goh’d always had a sense that Taki was on edge around him. He chalked it up to homophobia for the first year, and since then to insecurity in his new homosexual relationship, but it was still there, nagging at Goh to see it for what it really was: Taki was wary of him, and not just because he was gay. He knew that Goh was adept at reading people, a skill he himself lacked in social relationships. Taki knew that if something was up, some slight irregularity in his breathing or posture or voice, that the other man would pick up on it right away, and it scared him.
What tipped off Goh’s radar tonight was how Taki brought up their arrangement from earlier in the evening. He’d promised the snatcher that they could pick up where they’d left off if Goh behaved himself, and, as far as Taki knew, he had. He’d made no grumblings during the operation with that girl and no sexual advances whatsoever throughout the night. Taki was clearly led to believe that Goh was acting the part of the “good boy” in order to obtain his prize as soon as they got home. And it wasn’t so much the fact that Taki seemed eager to reward Goh for his behavior as his nervousness in doing so. It was a tick, really: a way Taki cocked his head to the side, acting coy, and leaning his body against the wall that was the tip-off. Something was behind Taki’s eyes, but of course Taki had no idea that Goh knew a little more than nothing about what that was.
When Goh’d approached and embraced him, Taki’d shuddered a little, nervously. He was hiding something and all of Goh’s fears that he’d hoped would be assuaged by Taki’s body language in his arms were instead pricked tighter against his nerves. Any sense that he might have had to go about “business as usual” dissolved inside him. The kiss that Taki assumed would follow the embrace was reduced instead to a peck on the cheek and an apology that he was simply too “tired” now, but, oh, he’d take a rain-check for later if that was okay. Taki’s humored affirmation of consent for the new arrangement was accompanied by muted relief that left a pang in Goh’s chest. He held Taki for a moment more before withdrawing to his room. Taki reached after him, his hand slipping off Goh’s arm, a little concern in his eyes, but also a sense that he was reassuring himself that everything was fine and Goh really was just tired. He’d called after Goh that he’d join him in bed after he did a little more work settling the case and arranging a drop time and place for the drugs in the morning or afternoon.
But it seemed he never had come to bed. Goh, restless, had laid on the mattress, trying not to consider all of the things that were wrong with the situation he was in. As the sun peeked itself above the horizon Goh willed himself to sleep, trying to ignore all of that discomfort. He’d always somehow been good at that: pushing his pain away and going about his day like it wasn’t affecting him at all. It would work for a little longer he knew, but as it always did, it would creep up on him eventually, shattering him emotionally. He’d never even considered how quickly his subconscious would make him relive his insecurities, in his sleep no less.
The dream had startled him awake, but he was only left restless again. If Taki wasn’t in his room, there was really only one other place to look. Goh, in nothing but his boxers, padded into the living room, finding his partner leaning against the window, a cigarette drooping loosely from his lips. The computer behind him was turned on and it seemed Taki was waiting for an upload or download to finish. More details for their other two cases, he suspected. Why that couldn’t have waited ‘till morning irritated Goh, and not just because it was a nasty habit of Taki’s to do things like this. It was clear Taki was avoiding coming to bed. He was avoiding Goh and that made him more upset than anything.
Whatever this thing with this woman was that Taki didn’t want him to know was clearly something to be concerned about. The sky outside was cloudy and grey. A storm looked about to hit. Taki’s eyes were distant and it took him several moments to notice the other man approaching. Goh deliberately moved the long way around the room, sweeping past the TV and couch to stand in Taki’s view on the other side of the couch. The only light in the shadowy room, from the computer, cast an eerie glow as Taki shifted to meet the clearly unhappy gaze of his lover. He could make an excuse about “losing track of time,” and it wasn’t that he thought Goh wouldn’t believe it so much as he knew Goh didn’t care what the reason was, only that he’d awoken alone, again. And Goh didn’t seem too interested in asking why he was still up or in hearing any explanation Taki might give.
“I think I’ll take that rain-check now,” he whispered as he approached and pressed Taki backwards towards the computer. Taki submitted wordlessly, finding no legitimate pretext to refuse. The cigarette fell out of his mouth and onto the carpet. Goh crushed it with his bare foot as he advanced.
He wasted no time, unbuttoning Taki’s pants and removing his shirt. He wasn’t being gentle in the least, and though Taki feared for the ferocity of the sex that was to come, he had no cause to refuse it. Pushed against the back of the desk chair, he rested one hand on it for balance and in an attempt to steel his nerves for what was to come.
Goh was already hard. He’d woken up with an erection and it had only partially softened by the time he’d come into the living room. His patience was worn thin and his embarrassment over the dream fueling the other half of his intensity towards his partner’s body. He decided to start where the dream did and kissed down Taki’s chest, working his way to the other’s waistline. With little effort he pushed Taki’s pants and underwear out of the way and took his sex in one hand.
Taki’d received many blowjobs from Goh in the short few months of their relationship. It was, in fact, one of the first things Goh ever offered him. The first time had been strange, and more than a little embarrassing. He thought he would be more adverse to another man, as opposed to all the women who’d done it before, handling him there, but with this particular man it was like submitting himself to his love all over again. It thrilled him in a way he never felt with those women and he wondered if Goh’d ever experienced it like this before. Taki’d never offered and Goh’d never asked. He actually found it surprising in the whole of their trip abroad, or since, it’d never come up. They’d done enough of practically everything else together. The other day in the shower notwithstanding, Taki’d barely ever tried to touch Goh there, let alone use his mouth.
It was bothering him now, as he realized Goh was doing all the work in their sex life and Taki wasn’t giving him anything in return. He didn’t like owing anything, and that included in sex. He’d been accepting fellatio from Goh for two months and hadn’t granted it even once. This was somehow, even in the heat of his current guilt, or perhaps partially because of it, too much for him to bear.
“Goh... Wait.”
“Why?” Goh picked his head up, annoyed at the disruption in his focus.
“...Let me... Do yours, too,” he managed.
Goh froze. It was just like the dream. The one that always started in the bar. He’d been wanting this moment for weeks, but at the same time fearing it. The dream he’d just awoken from was fresh in his mind and he grappled with the logical understanding that it had been, by its nature, outside the realm of his control. This situation was not. In fact, he held all the power right now, but even though he had the right of refusal, he knew deep down that Taki probably had a very legitimate reason for offering. And he knew quite well that he would not only damage Taki’s pride, but possibly ruin any chance the other man would ever make this offer again. He just needed to stay in control.
Only a few moments had passed, but to Goh it felt like forever. He let go of Taki’s member at last and stood up. Before he let Taki kneel down in his place he wanted to make sure the other man knew the score. He kissed him once, putting his hands on each side of the other’s head and keeping them there as his partner knelt.
As Taki moved into position he was cautioned, “Don’t force yourself.”
Taki nodded as he pulled Goh’s boxers down. He’d gotten himself into this and now he had to follow through. Touching his lover’s erection, he swallowed his fear and doubt. This was Goh, the man he loved. There was nothing about him he shouldn’t be aware nor inch of his body he wasn’t willing to touch. A year ago the very thought of doing something like this would have been enough to make him retch. Now, it was really more a matter of his fear that he wouldn’t do it right. It didn’t help that Goh was tense. He seemed more nervous about this than Taki did.
After a few tentative laves with his tongue, Taki inhaled deeply. He opened his mouth and pushed his lips around the tip, sliding his tongue down with them. The sensation was odd, but not disgusting. The texture wasn’t the same as sucking on a finger, and the size of course was different, but not unpleasant. The most striking thing was perhaps the scent. It was like a concentrated dose of Goh: nearly overwhelming and stimulating at the same time.
He’d never felt this way with women. With them the act of oral stimulation was a thrill unto itself. He reveled in his ability to make them squirm with nothing but his tongue. That same thrill existed now, but so did an ache. It was the same ache he felt every time he saw Goh smile. Not one of the fake smiles that hid his anxiety, but one of the genuine ones that he knew were a result of Taki’s efforts to make him happy. Every time he saw one of those smiles he wanted to repeat whatever it was that caused it again and again to see the same result. It was irrational and embarrassing and he would never, ever tell Goh about it, but it was there nonetheless.
He glanced up to see Goh’s eyes shut tight in concentration. He wondered if he made the same face when Goh did this for him. The other man’s breathing had become heavier and his grip on Taki’s head tighter. He was getting closer, for sure. Taki felt like, if he pushed just a little more, with a bit more intensity, he could see something from Goh that was completely new. Something that was completely his.
But Goh had other ideas.
Abruptly pulled away, Taki looked up again. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” was the immediate reply as the other man pulled Taki to his feet once more. He was pushed backwards again, knocking the chair to one side. It was hard not to trip with his pants falling loosely around his thighs, but Goh had a good hold on him and before his back could meet the monitor, he was wrenched around. It would come now, hot and fast, he was sure.
Again, Goh wasted no time. He pushed Taki’s pants the rest of the way down, grabbed one of his thighs and pulled it back and out. Taki slipped one foot out of its pant leg and steadied himself with hands on either side of the keyboard. Before Goh entered him he grabbed at Taki’s hips again, pulling them back farther. There was panting from both of them as Goh seated himself. Despite Taki’s saliva being the only lubricant, Goh worked carefully, ensuring there was as little discomfort for his lover as possible. He might be angry, but he wasn’t going to hurt Taki.
Taki shuddered as he thought about it, about the amount of self-control Goh had, of the situation, but most of all, of Taki himself. It was practically effortless. Goh’s thrusts were shallow and quick, but his grip on Taki was unmistakably secure. Taki noted that his lover’s breathing was more pronounced than normal, but perhaps that was due to him being more aware of Goh’s reactions at the moment. He desperately wanted to touch himself, but he was pulled too far back to keep his balance with one hand.
Goh might have noticed this, or it might have just been because he was so close himself, but he changed angles, pushing against Taki’s prostate on each now deeper thrust. Panting turned to whimpering as Taki approached his climax. Goh’s nails were dug into Taki’s hips as his pace became almost brutal; they’d be leaving marks. Taki flung his arms inward, grasping at the keyboard. The download had finished, probably a while ago, he thought absently, but what he really needed was an anchor against the wave that was about to sweep over him. He couldn’t keep his grip on it, though, as Goh’s thrusting had become wild, pushing him forward. He gripped the edge of the table instead. Saliva from his mouth dripped down to the floor as his whimpers at last turned to cries of ecstasy. The sound might have been the cue Goh needed. In the last second before he crested over the edge, he loosened his grip, pushing one hand low on Taki’s back and the other wrapped around his sex, trying desperately to beat him to that climax. They came almost simultaneously, Taki with a cry and Goh with one of the most grudging moans he’d ever heard.
Taki was spent. He wanted to go straight to bed, but he needed to go over the details of the drug drop this afternoon with Goh, so he could get some rest before his shift tonight at the bar. It was also clear that Goh wasn’t going to sit back and let Taki deal with the third case on his own. With the target being a woman, in the past Goh would just leave him to it, claiming to not want to be involved in any way with the other sex. But now, their relationship being what it was, and Goh’s jealousy at an all-time high, he would almost certainly want to keep tabs on Taki about this case. If he wanted to keep the details of his relationship with Naomi under wraps he’d need to move fast, and in the meantime placate Goh with frequent updates and clarity of his devotion to the other man, and not her. Of course, Taki had no way of knowing yet that Goh already knew that he and Naomi were not strangers. Goh would be keeping that fact to himself for just a little longer.
He peered up at Goh from the couch where he was now resting. The other man was straightening up the room a bit after their activities. It was somewhat surreal considering all he still wore were his boxers, but the sight wasn’t unpleasant at all. In fact, he found himself quite surprised about the degree to which he did not have a problem with sexualizing his relationship with another man. Or more accurately, this man. He’d even... with his mouth tonight. He was a little embarrassed about that, but he’d finally made that overture and he was quite satisfied with its seeming results. Goh didn’t let him finish, but he very much seemed to enjoy it. He found himself equally surprised to be thinking about how “next time” he’d go all the way. He wanted to show Goh just how much he could do for him. He wanted to show Goh his devotion with his body, since he had so much difficulty expressing it in words.
As Goh walked over to pick up the fallen desk chair he peered at the computer screen. “Is this file download for the drop this afternoon?”
“Yeah,” Taki replied with a yawn.
Goh nodded. “I’ll take care of it. You should go to bed.” He looked concerned and Taki wondered if his concern was about Taki staying up to do this work, or about the rough time he’d just been given.
“I’m okay,” Taki offered. He hoped it would assuage Goh’s worries in either case.
“Well, in that case,” Goh smirked as he approached the couch, “how about another round?”
“Not satisfied, then,” Taki queried, a twinkle of playfulness in his eyes.
“I’ll never be satisfied, Taki. I’ll always want more of you.”
Goh’s words were spoken with the same playful tone, but there was an unusual intensity in his eyes now. Taki had to wonder what it meant, or if in his exhaustion he was simply seeing things. Maybe it was just a remnant of Goh’s irritation about waking up alone again. He needed to stop leaving Goh by himself at night. He knew the other man didn’t like it. But, then again, at the same time Goh was an adult and he should be able to be by himself once in a while. Spoiling him like this, giving in to his whims, was a dangerous proposition. At some point he would need to “cut the chord” and get Goh to understand the limits of their dependency on each other. It would become unhealthy otherwise.
Goh leaned over him for another kiss. Taki accepted it without resistance.
“It’s weird when you’re so compliant, you know,” Goh observed.
“But I promised to give you whatever you wanted tonight,” Taki explained.
“But it’s morning now,” Goh corrected.
Taki glanced up out the window. It was decidedly daytime, even if the sky was overcast.
“Ah, well in that case...” Taki smiled as he pulled away.
Goh feigned pouting, but didn’t pursue him. It was clear he knew Taki was tired.
“The weather report said it was going to rain all day,” Taki said absently, staring out the window like he had been before Goh came into the room earlier.
Goh looked out the window as well, his face unreadable. They continued this way for a few more minutes before Taki excused himself to bed, reminding him they’d go over the plan for the third case again in the afternoon over a late lunch or early dinner, after Goh made the drug drop and before he left for his shift at the bar.
Reading through the downloaded file, Goh calculated his available time until then. Since the bar wouldn’t be open until later in the afternoon, and since Taki would actually be there then anyway, he’d have to do his snooping around in the off-hours. He thought he’d remembered from the file that this woman lived near the bar, either above it or across the street or something. The files were in Taki’s room, and he couldn’t well go in and take them without arousing suspicions, so he’d have to work from what he could remember about it.
The target was a corporate executive. They were hired to find, and snatch, some “sensitive” documents. Attempts to locate them at the target’s office and home turned up nothing, but revelations about a romantic relationship with this female bartender suggested he may have stashed them with her. The amount known about this woman was sparse. All that was really known was her name, the nature of her relationship with the target, her job, where she lived and that she had a kid. He couldn’t connect her to Taki with such limited details. He’d have to find out more by observing her himself. Looking at the desktop’s computer, Goh calculated he had just over three hours to spare. He needed to get moving.
Leaving Goh in the living room, Taki went straight to bed. He’d shower and dress later when he woke up, but right now he was too tired and distracted to focus on anything but getting a few hours of sleep. Finally seeing Naomi again after so long was bringing back all kinds of memories. There were the memories, of course, of his escape from that terrible night six years ago, but also about what came next. Of the years he spent in the arms of different women. Running from one to the next, trying to escape his past. He regretted it now, how he all but consciously took advantage of them. Most of their names he couldn’t even remember. They seemed like an endless stream of places to sleep and bodies to warm himself against, but he remembered Naomi. She was the first woman who took him in, who showed him the sort of genuine kindness he’d come to believe at the time that he hadn’t really ever received from Mizuki. As he drifted between awareness and sleep, fueled by the shifting weather, those memories returned.
---
Taki had run all night and through the next day to get away from his foster parents. He made it several towns over by running, walking, hitching rides and using the little change in his pocket to pay bus fare. It got cold and started to rain, so he took shelter in the hallway of an apartment building, sneaking in with some residents. He couldn’t rest, even though he was exhausted. His anxiety over his escape and the potential that Katsuro or Mizuki could be trying to find him gnawed at him. He hadn’t eaten at all in two days. Even if he’d had money to buy any, he felt too ill to his stomach for it. So he paced in hall in the late hours of the night, unable to even sit, hoping none of the residents got suspicious of his presence there.
It was close to 2 am when a woman came in. She looked to be in her early to mid twenties, very beautiful with long brown hair, tied back in a ponytail. Taki stepped around a corner to let her pass, and quietly she did, but what happened next would change a lot of things, both for Taki and for this woman.
Instead of continuing on to her apartment, she stopped and turned, looked at Taki, who, startled, could only stare back at her, and asked him a question:
“What’s wrong, no place to go?”
He couldn’t understand what it meant for a moment. How could she know something like that? Then it dawned on him how he was dressed: too lightly for the weather and rather disheveled. He was also pretty young for someone out by himself so late at night during the week. He looked like a runaway and didn’t think he could come up with a good lie about what he was doing there, but he also didn’t want to make apologies and run back out into the weather.
He didn’t seem to have to, though. Remarkably, or rather unbelievably, the woman didn’t turn him out or call the police and have him taken away. She didn’t even seem inclined to wait for his response. Instead she looked him up and down for another moment, then took his hand in hers and lead him down the hall.
“Come on then, let’s get you out of this cold and into some dry clothes,” she spoke, focusing her attention to her pocket and drawing out her keys as they walked.
Taki didn’t know quite what to do. Why was this woman taking him in like this? Did he really look so pathetic? Was she some kind of saint? He was cold, and tired and hungry, though, and didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to stay out of sight and off the streets for a night. He figured if this woman was offering him the hospitality of one night’s rest, he should take advantage of it, since it wasn’t likely anyone else would be offering such kindness again anytime soon. He didn’t resist her and said nothing as she unlocked the door to her apartment and led him inside.
Once inside, with the door shut quietly, she let go of him, dropped her keys and took off her coat and shoes. Taki followed suit by removing his own shoes. Then she led him to the bathroom to take a warm shower while she went into her bedroom and emerged with some clean clothes. They were men’s clothes. They probably belonged to her boyfriend, Taki thought. Although a bit large for him, he took them gratefully, though still wordlessly. The shower was heavenly. It was like washing off the memories of what happened with Mizuki along with the filth of two days of running. The steam made his mind hazy and unable to focus on all of the things that had been worrying him: being chased, being caught, being killed, but most of all, what he had done. He felt safe for the first time in those two days.
Emerging from the bathroom he found the woman in the kitchen, brewing some tea. She turned and smiled at him, obviously pleased by the sight of him finally relaxed and cleaned up. He thanked her for the shower and clothes and she motioned for him to sit down on the couch, handing him a cup of tea.
“So, what’s your name,” she asked, sitting down next to him, still calmly smiling.
Taki found himself newly anxious. Not because he was afraid of his potential pursuers anymore, but he was now alone with a woman he didn’t know, without any knowledge of her motivations or what she would do with the information he gave her. But he needed to answer her, and telling her just his name probably wouldn’t cause him any harm. He slowly brought the cup to his lips and took a sip, feeling the hot liquid slide down his throat, warming him, then drew it back down before he finally managed, “...Taki.” He didn’t looks at her as he spoke. Choosing instead to focus on the liquid inside the cup. He must have cut an adorable picture of awkward youth.
She patiently watched him, not rushing his answer or acting suspicious of its honesty. “That’s a nice name. Like ‘waterfall?’ How do you write it?”
“No... With katakana,” he responded. She was being nice, trying to make conversation and giving him the benefit of the doubt. He felt obliged not to lie or withhold too much, but he still kept his guard up.
“I see. Well, Taki, my name is Naomi. It’s written with the characters for ‘honest’ and ‘beautiful,’” she replied as she watched him sip his tea. He didn’t know how to respond, so she continued. “How old are you, Taki?”
“...I’ll be eighteen in a few months,” Taki lied. He was only just sixteen, but he thought if she believed he was closer to high school graduate age, she’d be less inclined to report him to the police.
“And why can’t you go home, Taki?” He noticed her consistent use if his name when she addressed him. She really was genuinely trying to make him feel comfortable.
Taki thought for a moment and chose his words carefully. “...There’s... nowhere to go back to.”
“Okay. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I don't have a spare futon, but you can sleep out here on the couch tonight. I’ll bring you a blanket.” She got up and went to a closet, bringing back a thick, soft blanket.
When he took it from her hands he tried to smile earnestly and said, “Thank you, Naomi-san.”
“Just ‘Naomi’ is fine. You’ll make me feel like an old lady with that kind of formality,” she joked. “Go ahead and get some sleep now.”
Taki nodded his assent, yawning now for the first time in days.
“Good night, Taki.”
“Good night, Naomi-sa-- Naomi,” Taki corrected himself, watching her smile in response.
With that she left Taki in the living room and went to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. It was after 3 am and Taki was weary. He laid the blanket over himself and passed out quickly, ignoring his pangs of hunger and newly discovered desire to eat, not bothering to wonder what the next day would bring, but hoping against hope that it would feel as warm and safe as he did right now. The rain kept coming down outside, but he didn’t hear it anymore.