(no subject)
things never seem to go the way I want them to. Or the way i feel they should go or the way i deserve them to go. I always wind up in tears and alone. I hate him for doing this to me again. I want him to leave me alone for the rest of my life. I want him to never call or try and contact me forever. But there in lies the problem. He wont. He'll keep calling until i answer the phone. he'll keep calling until i agree to let him break my heart again.
he's not over her. thats what he told me. fuck you.
i need to move. if i moved i could get my number changed and he'd never be able to call me again. maybe i'll get my number changed anyway....
see the real problem is that i will eventually pick up the phone, and go see him and let him do this to me all over again. and the sad part? i still love him. i don't really think i like him anymore though. i'm pretty sure i've seen who he really is now and can't stand him. it's awful and i'm sick and tired of being roped back into it.
i saw rent yesterday. good movie. amazing message. i havn't stopped crying. but i'm crying about more than just the movie. i'm crying about what the movie makes me think of and what i do and don't have. what i've delt with and what i may never have to deal with. it's all just so emotional.
blah.
he's not over her. thats what he told me. fuck you.
i need to move. if i moved i could get my number changed and he'd never be able to call me again. maybe i'll get my number changed anyway....
see the real problem is that i will eventually pick up the phone, and go see him and let him do this to me all over again. and the sad part? i still love him. i don't really think i like him anymore though. i'm pretty sure i've seen who he really is now and can't stand him. it's awful and i'm sick and tired of being roped back into it.
i saw rent yesterday. good movie. amazing message. i havn't stopped crying. but i'm crying about more than just the movie. i'm crying about what the movie makes me think of and what i do and don't have. what i've delt with and what i may never have to deal with. it's all just so emotional.
blah.