Life
life, how is my life?
Some mornings, I feel like if I get out of bed it might just be one of those days I run into that tree or phone pole. I feel like the insides of my eyelids are a much better place than the outside world. And on all of these mornings I have to peel myself out of bed and start my day.
Other days I wake up and feel good. I have a good feeling about the day and have no problem getting out of bed. I giggle to myself and am what some people would like to call normal.
what is that? I know everyone always asks what is normal? It's so cliche. But really. Why do I have to be smiling and excited about life to be normal?
And why don't more people hug? I mean seriously. Hugging is like drugs. It just feels so good. And it doesn't really matter where the hug is comming from. As long as both parties want to hug and will truley give it their all, it is just an amazing feeling. More people should hug.
Since when do we have to be 14 when it comes to relationships and the opposite sex? Why can't we just say " hey I like you, and I want to see where this is going to go" Since when do we have to pretend not to be interested just to see if they might be? Why can't we just ask "hey do you feel the same?" And if they don't, oh well. At least we were all adults about it. At least we were honest and nobody had to get hurt.
But even if we did all act like adults the person getting rejected still feels bad. It sucks to be rejected. It really does a number on the whole self essteem thing.
And why can't we just love ourselves? Where is it written I have to base my self happiness on this fucker? Why can't I just be happy? Because I'm me and I think I'm cool.
But then am I egotistical? Do I have a big head if i love myself?
SOmetimes I just start wondering things and sometimes I think they're worth putting down, out of my head.
And if you don't like me anymore, just tell me, don't lead me on. I don't need that, and I'm sure you don't either. I seriously would feel better if you just came to me and TOLD ME THE TRUTH.
Why does it feel so good to lie? I lie. I lie about really dumb things. Things that are just ramndom bullshit. But I like to. I get some weird freaky rush from it. I know all of you do too. Maybe not the rush part, but you lie. You know you do. Some worse than others. But what is it that makes it feel so good? Why can't telling the truth feel just as good?
I want to feel empowered.
Let me know that you love me, let me know that you need me, let that be enough.
I want it to be that cold fall rain. I want all the leaves to change and fall and then I want it to snow and I want to go downtown and watch the christmas tree light up. And I want a warm hand to hold while I'm walking down the street. And I want a cozy body to snuggle up to on those cold days when you can smell the cold.
I wan to do well in school. I admit I havn't taken the "normal" path when it comes to school. But I feel focused now. I want to do well and get good grades and understand what I'm learning.
I want to go to me religion class and say the words evolution, dinasoars and big bang and just sit back and enjoy the show.
I don't want to be lead on.
I want to hang out with this girl I met at work who seems really cool.
I need to go play some tetris.
:)
Some mornings, I feel like if I get out of bed it might just be one of those days I run into that tree or phone pole. I feel like the insides of my eyelids are a much better place than the outside world. And on all of these mornings I have to peel myself out of bed and start my day.
Other days I wake up and feel good. I have a good feeling about the day and have no problem getting out of bed. I giggle to myself and am what some people would like to call normal.
what is that? I know everyone always asks what is normal? It's so cliche. But really. Why do I have to be smiling and excited about life to be normal?
And why don't more people hug? I mean seriously. Hugging is like drugs. It just feels so good. And it doesn't really matter where the hug is comming from. As long as both parties want to hug and will truley give it their all, it is just an amazing feeling. More people should hug.
Since when do we have to be 14 when it comes to relationships and the opposite sex? Why can't we just say " hey I like you, and I want to see where this is going to go" Since when do we have to pretend not to be interested just to see if they might be? Why can't we just ask "hey do you feel the same?" And if they don't, oh well. At least we were all adults about it. At least we were honest and nobody had to get hurt.
But even if we did all act like adults the person getting rejected still feels bad. It sucks to be rejected. It really does a number on the whole self essteem thing.
And why can't we just love ourselves? Where is it written I have to base my self happiness on this fucker? Why can't I just be happy? Because I'm me and I think I'm cool.
But then am I egotistical? Do I have a big head if i love myself?
SOmetimes I just start wondering things and sometimes I think they're worth putting down, out of my head.
And if you don't like me anymore, just tell me, don't lead me on. I don't need that, and I'm sure you don't either. I seriously would feel better if you just came to me and TOLD ME THE TRUTH.
Why does it feel so good to lie? I lie. I lie about really dumb things. Things that are just ramndom bullshit. But I like to. I get some weird freaky rush from it. I know all of you do too. Maybe not the rush part, but you lie. You know you do. Some worse than others. But what is it that makes it feel so good? Why can't telling the truth feel just as good?
I want to feel empowered.
Let me know that you love me, let me know that you need me, let that be enough.
I want it to be that cold fall rain. I want all the leaves to change and fall and then I want it to snow and I want to go downtown and watch the christmas tree light up. And I want a warm hand to hold while I'm walking down the street. And I want a cozy body to snuggle up to on those cold days when you can smell the cold.
I wan to do well in school. I admit I havn't taken the "normal" path when it comes to school. But I feel focused now. I want to do well and get good grades and understand what I'm learning.
I want to go to me religion class and say the words evolution, dinasoars and big bang and just sit back and enjoy the show.
I don't want to be lead on.
I want to hang out with this girl I met at work who seems really cool.
I need to go play some tetris.
:)