- - prefers personal glory over team victory
it's easy to say that i've been pretty goddamn self absorbed since the day i was born.
most of us are. we go about life putting our feelings in front and making sure that we, first and foremost, have something to gain in all that we do. and that is not only just understandable, it's downright necessary for the human race to keep on keeping on.
MY self absorption, though, leads ME to feel that MY case is much more progressed.
for instance, I am completely content, and I believe the entire world is content, to have ME sit in MY perfect chair in MY immaculately clean (and well decorated) bedroom in MY beautiful world (that I spent all day cleaning and placing everything in what I think is the perfect position) and stare at MY computer and type things that most likely no one but MYSELF will ever see, and just assume that the entire earth just keeps on spinning because I do what I do.
no, that doesn't capture it
i feel like a star. a star of a movie. a movie that is never ending, and always about me. i feel as if i live in "the truman show". and by comparing what i have just said to "the truman show" i am not saying that my life is mediocre (at best) and i should be portrayed by the likes of jim carrey when the actual movie is made about my life. i am saying that i, for real, believe there are magic cameras recording my every move and that there is the utmost importance in everything i do simply because i have an audience. and the most important person in that audience... is me.
for instance, i still stay up late and pine over the days when i had a regionally famous weblog where everyone (that matters) could read words of mine regarding me all about being me.
the thing is, i presume that everyone can still do just that, because, you know, i am me.
but times-a-change.
my weblog died and so did everyone's interest.
funny thing... in two months the doctor tells me that i am going to have a son.
and that obviously forces me to take my focus off of myself.
and if my focus is not on myself, then i don't have time to sit around and ponder about how everyone else on this little globe is focused on me.
until tonight.
so for the first time in my life there is going to be an individual on this planet whose existence is due to me, whose life depends on me, and whose world is me. and it takes that to make me realize that i am not the most important person in this world.
fin
p.s i got tired of no one being able to read my journals so i am going to put things here for now and probably start posting pictures and videos of my son and become one of those dads who post pictures and videos and stories all over the "wide, wide world of webs" because the fruit of his loin is now the most important thing in the world and everyone should focus upon and devote all of their time to the goings on of this child.
most of us are. we go about life putting our feelings in front and making sure that we, first and foremost, have something to gain in all that we do. and that is not only just understandable, it's downright necessary for the human race to keep on keeping on.
MY self absorption, though, leads ME to feel that MY case is much more progressed.
for instance, I am completely content, and I believe the entire world is content, to have ME sit in MY perfect chair in MY immaculately clean (and well decorated) bedroom in MY beautiful world (that I spent all day cleaning and placing everything in what I think is the perfect position) and stare at MY computer and type things that most likely no one but MYSELF will ever see, and just assume that the entire earth just keeps on spinning because I do what I do.
no, that doesn't capture it
i feel like a star. a star of a movie. a movie that is never ending, and always about me. i feel as if i live in "the truman show". and by comparing what i have just said to "the truman show" i am not saying that my life is mediocre (at best) and i should be portrayed by the likes of jim carrey when the actual movie is made about my life. i am saying that i, for real, believe there are magic cameras recording my every move and that there is the utmost importance in everything i do simply because i have an audience. and the most important person in that audience... is me.
for instance, i still stay up late and pine over the days when i had a regionally famous weblog where everyone (that matters) could read words of mine regarding me all about being me.
the thing is, i presume that everyone can still do just that, because, you know, i am me.
but times-a-change.
my weblog died and so did everyone's interest.
funny thing... in two months the doctor tells me that i am going to have a son.
and that obviously forces me to take my focus off of myself.
and if my focus is not on myself, then i don't have time to sit around and ponder about how everyone else on this little globe is focused on me.
until tonight.
so for the first time in my life there is going to be an individual on this planet whose existence is due to me, whose life depends on me, and whose world is me. and it takes that to make me realize that i am not the most important person in this world.
fin
p.s i got tired of no one being able to read my journals so i am going to put things here for now and probably start posting pictures and videos of my son and become one of those dads who post pictures and videos and stories all over the "wide, wide world of webs" because the fruit of his loin is now the most important thing in the world and everyone should focus upon and devote all of their time to the goings on of this child.