(no subject)
wow so much has been going on this month that i don't even know where to begin. can anyone else not believe that it's almost christmas? and why the heck does it feel like spring outside today? it should be SNOWING, not in the 70s. it's pretty hard to focus on school anymore. i'm waiting to hear from JMU mid-january, and i'm so sure that i'm going to get in that i haven't bothered to apply elsewhere. i know, it's dumb, but really, i'm 98% sure about this so i don't see the need to even bother.
cheering is...i don't know. we'll be at nationals is less than a month. i fully believe we'll get first, too, that is if some 10th graders decide to take it seriously and shut up. i just think that a varsity squad should be made up of generally upperclassmen, and underclassmen should only be accepted on if they make a devout effort to "go the extra mile". we're just not seeing it with a lot of them. my flyer is in freaking 8th grade and she is one of the most hardworking people on the squad. all that aside i really believe that when we're in florida people will understand that it's serious competition and you can't just sit and laugh if you mess up. i sound like a tool. but it's my last year and i know most of us really want this and really do take it seriously.
billy's birthday is in 2 days and mine's in a week...come to our party, at billy's on the 17th at 7. it'll be fun. yay for being 18! God has been working like crazy in my life this past week. i reluctantly went to youth group last sunday and scotty talked about lust...not just the sex lust, but all different kinds of it and i realized that i'm a victim of every kind. and just because i'm keeping away from sexual stuff doesn't mean i'm some holy person because the desire is still totally there and that's the root of the problem. it's natural to WANT for things, but when whatever it is becomes something that you want so badly that you're oblivious to the consequences and it becomes unhealthy then it's lust. and initially i just thought lust was totally about sex and stuff. but it's not, you can lust over anything. a lot of it for me is a jealousy thing. like i see a pretty girl with a perfect body and i think, something must be wrong with me since i don't look like her. and i tend to take it a lot deeper and meditate on it a lot and i am just never comfortable with my body or my face or my hair and in my mind i can make myself feel like the ugliest, fattest girl in the world when i'm not even ugly or fat in the least, but in my mind it's all i can think about and it's all i know sometimes. i mean even at the gym if the girl next to me has been running for a long time then i naturally think that something's wrong with me if i can't keep up. & in addition i also learned that it's a pride issue, because there are 2 types of pride: the "im the best, look at me" type and the "feel sorry for me, give me sympathy" type. so basically me not being comfortable with the way i look is not only a lust to look like brittany spears or whoever the heck but it's also pride thing, because i do, i rely on my boyfriend to build me up and tell me amazing things about myself (which he always does anyway) just so i can hear it and just to make me feel better. it's twisted, it really is. and honest to God i can't change it without God's help. i am the most sinful person i know. i am the most twisted person i know. anyway that was pretty sincere and i can't believe i just posted it on the internet. ive been researching this whole lust thing though and i've found some really great stuff that hits pretty hard. this is a really good article if anyone else is dealing with some type of it and wants to check it out: http://www.solidrock.net/library/anderson/sermons/how.to.deal.with.lust.php
cheering is...i don't know. we'll be at nationals is less than a month. i fully believe we'll get first, too, that is if some 10th graders decide to take it seriously and shut up. i just think that a varsity squad should be made up of generally upperclassmen, and underclassmen should only be accepted on if they make a devout effort to "go the extra mile". we're just not seeing it with a lot of them. my flyer is in freaking 8th grade and she is one of the most hardworking people on the squad. all that aside i really believe that when we're in florida people will understand that it's serious competition and you can't just sit and laugh if you mess up. i sound like a tool. but it's my last year and i know most of us really want this and really do take it seriously.
billy's birthday is in 2 days and mine's in a week...come to our party, at billy's on the 17th at 7. it'll be fun. yay for being 18! God has been working like crazy in my life this past week. i reluctantly went to youth group last sunday and scotty talked about lust...not just the sex lust, but all different kinds of it and i realized that i'm a victim of every kind. and just because i'm keeping away from sexual stuff doesn't mean i'm some holy person because the desire is still totally there and that's the root of the problem. it's natural to WANT for things, but when whatever it is becomes something that you want so badly that you're oblivious to the consequences and it becomes unhealthy then it's lust. and initially i just thought lust was totally about sex and stuff. but it's not, you can lust over anything. a lot of it for me is a jealousy thing. like i see a pretty girl with a perfect body and i think, something must be wrong with me since i don't look like her. and i tend to take it a lot deeper and meditate on it a lot and i am just never comfortable with my body or my face or my hair and in my mind i can make myself feel like the ugliest, fattest girl in the world when i'm not even ugly or fat in the least, but in my mind it's all i can think about and it's all i know sometimes. i mean even at the gym if the girl next to me has been running for a long time then i naturally think that something's wrong with me if i can't keep up. & in addition i also learned that it's a pride issue, because there are 2 types of pride: the "im the best, look at me" type and the "feel sorry for me, give me sympathy" type. so basically me not being comfortable with the way i look is not only a lust to look like brittany spears or whoever the heck but it's also pride thing, because i do, i rely on my boyfriend to build me up and tell me amazing things about myself (which he always does anyway) just so i can hear it and just to make me feel better. it's twisted, it really is. and honest to God i can't change it without God's help. i am the most sinful person i know. i am the most twisted person i know. anyway that was pretty sincere and i can't believe i just posted it on the internet. ive been researching this whole lust thing though and i've found some really great stuff that hits pretty hard. this is a really good article if anyone else is dealing with some type of it and wants to check it out: http://www.solidrock.net/library/anderson/sermons/how.to.deal.with.lust.php