(no subject)
I haven't updated in a really long time. And I hate for my first update in a while to be a negative one, but that's how it goes. In a lot of ways school is kicking my ass semester. Not that it wasn't a few weeks ago, but this morning confirmed it.
It really sucks because I'm doing all I can and yet that doesn't seem to be enough. No matter how much I study and understand the material, I still screw up on tests. And it doesn't matter that as far as I've tested, my 202 projects work, then my grader finds some cruel way to break them. WTF. I know I'm not stupid, so why aren't my grades better? And people make jokes about me being stupid because I can be ditzy sometimes, and usually I can take them, but it's days like this that it still gets to me.
And it's days like this that I wonder if I can do this. I know I want to do this, and I believe deep down that I can. After all, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get an A in cmpe, and that's the class that matters. It's all these other prereq classes that are killing me. And I think it's hard now, that I'm stressed now, that it won't be as bad next semester, or the semester after that, once most of my classes involve what I'll actually be doing. Except that I see my "elders" being even more stressed than I am, having even harder of a time. And that scares me. I could get into GPA, my scholarship, etc. but that's too scary to think about right now, even though that's what I'm worried about. I mean sure, it might freak me out less if I didn't have to keep a minimum GPA, especially since it'll go up when I retake chem, but I love CWIT.
Can I handle this? Will the stress get to me? I don't want to give up. I'm determined not to.
It really sucks because I'm doing all I can and yet that doesn't seem to be enough. No matter how much I study and understand the material, I still screw up on tests. And it doesn't matter that as far as I've tested, my 202 projects work, then my grader finds some cruel way to break them. WTF. I know I'm not stupid, so why aren't my grades better? And people make jokes about me being stupid because I can be ditzy sometimes, and usually I can take them, but it's days like this that it still gets to me.
And it's days like this that I wonder if I can do this. I know I want to do this, and I believe deep down that I can. After all, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get an A in cmpe, and that's the class that matters. It's all these other prereq classes that are killing me. And I think it's hard now, that I'm stressed now, that it won't be as bad next semester, or the semester after that, once most of my classes involve what I'll actually be doing. Except that I see my "elders" being even more stressed than I am, having even harder of a time. And that scares me. I could get into GPA, my scholarship, etc. but that's too scary to think about right now, even though that's what I'm worried about. I mean sure, it might freak me out less if I didn't have to keep a minimum GPA, especially since it'll go up when I retake chem, but I love CWIT.
Can I handle this? Will the stress get to me? I don't want to give up. I'm determined not to.