[EM] 44. Lyrics: Beautiful Disaster - Jon McLaughlin
Inara Serra had learned young that a body couldn't depend on anyone but their own selves, and she'd learned the lesson the hard way. Eventually everyone leaves you. Eventually, everyone hurts you. Eventually everything falls apart. From the moment that cold, harsh realization had settled into her brain, she'd given up on all hopes of ever having a home. Staying in one place and wearing one face for too long just invited the heartache.
She'd been on board Serenity for too long, and she damned well knew it. She was getting fond, she was getting attached. Not just of the ship...if it were just the ship, it wouldn't be so hard. Serenity had shone so brightly through the planet side dust and grit, a noble and travel-worn lady desperate to fly, but dragged down by an ignorant fool who thought of her as nothing but a chunk of rusty metal. He didn't love her, and she wouldn't fly for him, but from the moment Inara had set foot on board the ship, she'd known...this ship would fly for her. Ships were one of the few things in the 'verse that loved you unconditionally, so long as you loved them first. It was people that slapped on conditions, and expected things you couldn't and didn't want to give. It was people that hurt you out of spite, just because they could.
She loved Serenity and Serenity kept her safe. But she was getting attached to the people that made up Serenity's crew, and that...that was a problem. A problem that had motivated her to go so far as to start looking into new positions. But as she sat in the spare shuttle and scrolled through the list on the cortex, she knew it was fair hopeless to even try. Sure...these ships would be free of charming, sweet-natured Companions, slow-witted muscle heads, chatty pilots with horrid mustaches that amused her with their persistent attempts to woo the tough-as-nails, straight-shooting first mate...free of Captains with eyes that were too purely blue to be real and saw too far into the layers of armor she piled on to keep her naked, damaged soul protected. Unfortunately, she couldn't love those ships. Not right now. Not yet.
"Looks like we're stuck together for a little while longer," she sighed, shutting off the cortex screen, and stilling for a moment...just to listen to the comforting, steady pulse of Serenity's heartbeat. "If I were ever gonna call a place home, bao bay," she remarked after she’d unfolded her legs and walked to the shuttle door, pausing to pat the wall affectionately. "I promise...it would be you."
=======================================
And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,
And she needs someone to take her home.