FILL 1/2: Economics of Kissing Booths (Pairings: Annie/Troy/Abed, Annie/various)
anonymous
August 25 2012, 20:41:38 UTC
“Kisses, one dollar only!” calls Annie, smiling through the cut-out window of a cardboard box that's been painted red and propped up against one of the cafeteria tables. “Kissing can spread oral herpes, mononucleosis, the common cold, and money for STD prevention!”
It's been a quiet night so far. Señor Chang gave her three dollars but didn't ask for a kiss. Vaughn looked her soulfully in the eyes and said that kissing was something you couldn't put a price on. Her first paying customer was Alex-she couldn't call him Star-Burns after they'd kissed-and it was cool to run her fingers around the sharp, hairy edges of his stars, even if his tongue was kind of weird and bumpy. But that was almost half an hour ago, and Annie is starting to feel personally offended that more members of the Greendale community aren't stepping up to support STD prevention.
“Have you considered that maybe talking about diseases isn't the best way to get people to kiss you?” Jeff sneers, striding over to the booth.
“It's the STD fair, Jeff,” says Annie. “People need to know that kissing is dangerous.” She flashes him a winning smile. “One dollar only?”
Jeff responds in his most patronizing tone. “I don't need to pay to get women to kiss me.”
“Fine,” says Annie. “How about you pay to get Greendale's STD prevention program past the four-dollar mark?”
“Sorry, Annie,” says Jeff. “But I gave all my cash to Pierce.”
“To Pierce? Why?”
“Trust me,” Jeff answers, “when I say that neither of us wants to know.”
Annie gets more of an inkling than she wants when Pierce comes in with Doreen, the escort he's been bragging about dating. “How's business, Annie?”
She shrugs. “How many condoms can you buy with four dollars?”
Pierce leans forward. “You know, Annie. If you really wanted to make money, you could-”
He is interrupted by Doreen stepping between them and holding a dollar toward the booth. Annie takes it, feeling a little shy at the prospect of kissing a professional. But it turns out not to matter: Doreen's kiss is hot and gentle, and her hand fits just so on Annie's cheek as her tongue explores and teases, and Annie is just beginning to process how much she likes it when Doreen breaks away, plants a little peck on her cheekbone, and says, with a wink, “That was worth every penny.”
Over the next hour, she makes twenty-three dollars. One is from Leonard, the details of which she attempts to forget immediately. Twenty come from Professor Duncan, who hands her a bill and then shambles away, mumbling, “Keep the change.”
Another one comes from Shirley, who glares at everyone's shocked looks when she leans in for her kiss. “I'm a Christian,” she sniffs. “Not a nun.”
Finally there's Britta, only hers isn't really a kiss, because she keeps stopping to talk about how open-minded she's being and how brave it is of Annie to kiss women, and just when Annie has tentatively slipped her tongue between Britta's lips, she breaks away into some totally irrelevant monologue about sex trafficking, and the two people in line behind her give up waiting. Which is fine, because Annie really wasn't looking forward to kissing Dean Pelton, and she's not even sure she knows how to kiss the Greendale Human Being.
Biding her time, Annie counts her cash. Twenty-seven dollars, she supposes, is probably enough to prevent two or three STDs at least. She's feeling pleased with herself until she hears the announcement that the condoms are faulty. Back to square one, Annie thinks. Greendale's going to need a lot more than twenty-seven dollars to cover that.
It's been a quiet night so far. Señor Chang gave her three dollars but didn't ask for a kiss. Vaughn looked her soulfully in the eyes and said that kissing was something you couldn't put a price on. Her first paying customer was Alex-she couldn't call him Star-Burns after they'd kissed-and it was cool to run her fingers around the sharp, hairy edges of his stars, even if his tongue was kind of weird and bumpy. But that was almost half an hour ago, and Annie is starting to feel personally offended that more members of the Greendale community aren't stepping up to support STD prevention.
“Have you considered that maybe talking about diseases isn't the best way to get people to kiss you?” Jeff sneers, striding over to the booth.
“It's the STD fair, Jeff,” says Annie. “People need to know that kissing is dangerous.” She flashes him a winning smile. “One dollar only?”
Jeff responds in his most patronizing tone. “I don't need to pay to get women to kiss me.”
“Fine,” says Annie. “How about you pay to get Greendale's STD prevention program past the four-dollar mark?”
“Sorry, Annie,” says Jeff. “But I gave all my cash to Pierce.”
“To Pierce? Why?”
“Trust me,” Jeff answers, “when I say that neither of us wants to know.”
Annie gets more of an inkling than she wants when Pierce comes in with Doreen, the escort he's been bragging about dating. “How's business, Annie?”
She shrugs. “How many condoms can you buy with four dollars?”
Pierce leans forward. “You know, Annie. If you really wanted to make money, you could-”
He is interrupted by Doreen stepping between them and holding a dollar toward the booth. Annie takes it, feeling a little shy at the prospect of kissing a professional. But it turns out not to matter: Doreen's kiss is hot and gentle, and her hand fits just so on Annie's cheek as her tongue explores and teases, and Annie is just beginning to process how much she likes it when Doreen breaks away, plants a little peck on her cheekbone, and says, with a wink, “That was worth every penny.”
Over the next hour, she makes twenty-three dollars. One is from Leonard, the details of which she attempts to forget immediately. Twenty come from Professor Duncan, who hands her a bill and then shambles away, mumbling, “Keep the change.”
Another one comes from Shirley, who glares at everyone's shocked looks when she leans in for her kiss. “I'm a Christian,” she sniffs. “Not a nun.”
Finally there's Britta, only hers isn't really a kiss, because she keeps stopping to talk about how open-minded she's being and how brave it is of Annie to kiss women, and just when Annie has tentatively slipped her tongue between Britta's lips, she breaks away into some totally irrelevant monologue about sex trafficking, and the two people in line behind her give up waiting. Which is fine, because Annie really wasn't looking forward to kissing Dean Pelton, and she's not even sure she knows how to kiss the Greendale Human Being.
Biding her time, Annie counts her cash. Twenty-seven dollars, she supposes, is probably enough to prevent two or three STDs at least. She's feeling pleased with herself until she hears the announcement that the condoms are faulty. Back to square one, Annie thinks. Greendale's going to need a lot more than twenty-seven dollars to cover that.
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